I think Tanya and I have the same son lol!!!! I am not trying to make light of the situation Marie.
I have a 36yo that likes to cut himself and threaten suicide. He can not maintain a good relationship, this one is going on close to five years and she is a difficult child just like him, if not worse.
They fight and she wanted to call me the numerous times they were fighting, I guess the suicide threats scare even another difficult child. I called the police and they checked on him, he told them he was not suicidal or homeless. Bless the police officer (the many times I have dealt with the police I have also had some bad ones (in my opinion) it's just like any other profession) he called me back within thirty minutes of talking to my son. The officer also filled me in on exactly what was going on with my difficult child.
I had been conned (AGAIN!) by my difficult child and girlies. My son was also hungry and living on the streets where he was robbed constantly. I was all lies! They were spending my money to party each night.
My health was going downhill from stress for years, and I was retiring. So I found this forum. It was the first one I had found online that was encouraging and friendly to new comers. I also joined about the time RE was starting the enabling program (may have been called something else) and I watched for every bit of information she posted.
I started telling my difficult child 'NO' and this time he knew I meant it. He sent me nasty texts and started posting suicidal messages on FB. Family and friends were panicing! I was having a nervous breakdown! Then one day, after I had spent most of the day reading books on the subject, IT clicked!!!
My son would not change, I had to be the one to make the changes!
Mine went no contact for a year, moved across country and I had zero way of contacting him. Girlie was arrested for domestic violence and recently I was told he was.
I wish I could post a heart warming story of how he finally turned his life around. That hasn't happened.
I still have 'pity me' days, after all these are our children. But, my health is better. And for the most part my life is so much better than when I was allowing MY ADULT SON to control me and yank me around. I love my son, I'm not crazy about what he does.
I often think of myself as the red rubber ball on the end of the rubber band attached to the paddle LOL!!!! The rubber band broke and the ball rolled to a better place.
VENT VENT VENT!!!! Read all of the books you can get your hands on about enabling. For some weird reason many in this generation thinks the parents owe them a living and they don't have to work for it.
(((hugs and blessings)))
Marie, I can so relate to what you are going through. My difficult child has used similar tactics on me. I have found that those months that go by where I don't hear from him usually means that he is doing ok. As ok as he can be for being jobless and homeless. When I do hear from him it's always a sob story of how bad his situation is. I've heard the same things over and over, "I don't have any money for food, have to beg for food so I don't starve, it sucks to sleep out in the cold, my stuff got stolen, no one cares about me, I'm sick of my life and can't take it anymore, etc....." In the past I would remind him that he is the one that got himself into the situation he's in, and that me and my husband bent over backwards trying to help him. I found this approach only fueled his fire and an argument would ensue. My difficult child is a master at talking in circles, basically there is no arguing with him as he will always have the last word. I have learned when I do talk to him and he goes into his sob stories I simply say, "I"m really sorry you are having a tough time" I never ask anymore what I can do for him. I have done enough. Most people are lucky to get a second chance, my difficult child has been given hundreds of chances.
I know how your heart is breaking but remember, you did not do this to him, he just like my difficult child did this to themselves. They are grown men, mine is 33, and they have made their choice to live the lives they are living. I accepted the fact a long time ago that there is nothing I can do to change him and there is nothing I can to save him. The only thing I can do is pray for him. Ultimately it is up to each of our difficult child's to decide that they are fed up with the life they have been living and seek out real help, not just guilting mommy or daddy into helping them when they feel desperate.
Hugs to you!!
yep!
