A Sighting

[New Leaf]

Its confirmed, Tornado was released from jail.
I am the female version of Walter Cronkite, on the evening news, black and white, speaking in a somewhat monotone voice. “It has been revealed that the person in question has not phoned her family and her whereabouts are unknown. However, there is a report from a reliable source that she was seen wandering in an area that is well known for shady activity and drug deals.”

It’s just another Tuesday, right?
I am getting to the point where none of this surprises me. It is like all those parts of me that would have been worried, despairing are just a bit calloused over. From the friction of it. Not that I don’t care, it’s.... survival. Whatever you call it, change the channel, create the bubble, switch focus.
I simply cannot make choices for her, and I am determined not to spend the rest of my life riding the rollercoaster. I detest carnival rides.
I’m still going to hope that maybe, just maybe she ended up in a rehab in a seedy part of town and she was out for a stroll.
Huh.
Only time will tell.
Back to the old drawing board.
Switch focus, keep constructing emotional boundaries, steady as she goes, Leafy.
It’s just another Tuesday.

 

[Elsi]

Oh Leafy I’m so sorry. That has to be really discouraging and deflating to hear. Is the jail saga over or is she out waiting for another trial? I wasn’t sure what her charges were or where she is in the process.

I understand feeling like all this leaves you calloused, especially when you have more than one living in the chaos. I’m glad you and I both have a couple easier children as well! I think if I didn’t I would go nuts. It does become a matter of your own survival to shut out the chaos and go on with life as best as you are able. Because what else can we do? Joining them in the darkness helps no one, least of all them.

Sending hugs to you Leafy.

 

[Tanya M]

I'm glad you can have a sense of humor about it. I love the Walter Cronkite skit!

It's just such a shame that our love cannot save them. Wish it could!

Yes, change the channel and move on as best you can.

((HUGS))

 

[recoveringenabler]

Many hugs to you Leafy.

Wherever Tornado is right now, she cannot change the fact that she was just released from jail where she's been for a number of weeks AND she will have to go to court and deal with whatever fallout still remains. Life has changed for her, what she does with that change is up to her. You, on the other hand, have learned a lot..... you've worked through your distress, you utilized your tool box to your advantage, you asked for support, you had a very tender, heartfelt moment with Rain, you and Tornado have had communications where you gained knowledge about her present state of mind, you kept your promise to your son and continued with your own life, you chose to keep the connections with both daughter's intact while you worked through how to accept this new information, you remained loving and kind while still holding your boundaries intact........and you continued on your life's journey, with compassion, empathy, strength and courage. You were able to "change the channel."

We parents move through these life events battered, beat up and overwhelmed with horrors..... and when we land on the other side, we simply brush ourselves off and go back in the fray to handle the next avalanche of "stuff." Take a moment Leafy to acknowledge how far you've come, how well you handled this issue with Tornado, how you kept your heart open and at the same time kept your boundaries intact, a remarkable balancing act of self love & love & compassion for self and others. The journey through matters, how you handled this matters, that deserves acknowledgment & validation......your response was stellar. The rest is up to Tornado.

Perhaps do something kind and nurturing for yourself......you've been through an emotional upheaval.....reward yourself Leafy for a job well done......we need to do that for ourselves.....you did a good job Leafy, your usual grace under pressure.....focus on that.

 

[RN0441]

Leafy:

Another chapter in your book of life. I agree with RE. You have done everything RIGHT. You are so good at handling any situation and your feelings. You may not think so but the way you channel things is helpful to the rest of us - at least to me!

I started a Bible study class last week. A new friend that I met in Alabama - our realtor - who I think is pretty "cool" invited me so I went last week just to see what it was about and if it was for me and I really enjoyed it. The journey with our son has changed me in a way that I'm looking deeper into the meaning of life and what it's really all about. The Bible has always been very confusing to me to try to understand so I'm hoping by doing it this way with a group it will make it easier and more fun. I say this because I know that this experience with your daughters has changed you profoundly also. If I am to change, I want it to be for the better and to be at more peace with myself and my life and those around me that I love. I want to handle things that come at me with dignity and grace.

Thanks for continuing to share your story with us.

 

[Nature]

Thank you for your post ...."that's the way it is".

 

[New Leaf]

Is the jail saga over or is she out waiting for another trial? I wasn’t sure what her charges were or where she is in the process.

I am not sure Elsi, about all the details. I didn’t get involved. Plus she is an adult so I am not privy to information. I decided not to visit, well, my schedule decided for me. I did get a call today from her public defender, asking if I had seen her or had a contact number for her. There was an awkward silence as I said that I was probably the last person she would reach out to. It’s true. Now that she is out, she has no need for me. It is what it is.

I’m glad you and I both have a couple easier children as well! I think if I didn’t I would go nuts. It does become a matter of your own survival to shut out the chaos and go on with life as best as you are able. Because what else can we do? Joining them in the darkness helps no one, least of all them.

My three have been a saving grace for me. I had to tighten up the old bootstraps for my son, my responsibility towards him. This helped me through the loss of hubs, and my twos shenanigans. No time or leeway to go down with the ship. My well adult kids have stood by me with the onslaught of blame from my waywards, and continue to help me with my stance to back off and let them figure their lives out.

It's just such a shame that our love cannot save them. Wish it could!

Our love has saved them from the time we held them in our arms, nurtured them, cherished them through difficult and joy filled moments. I relish that, and am determined not to let present circumstances mire the beauty if it.
I need to remind myself of that, and not see then and now, through their twisted version. I loved them and love them still.
They can be saved by loving themselves.

she will have to go to court and deal with whatever fallout still remains. Life has changed for her, what she does with that change is up to her.

It is completely up to her. She has shown me many, many times, the proof of that. Reached out her hand for help and figuratively slapped me with that same hand. I don’t know how many times she has said “I am an adult, you can’t tell me what to do !” So okay, be an adult then.

Take a moment Leafy to acknowledge how far you've come, how well you handled this issue with Tornado, how you kept your heart open and at the same time kept your boundaries intact, a remarkable balancing act of self love & love & compassion for self and others. The journey through matters, how you handled this matters, that deserves acknowledgment & validation......your response was stellar. The rest is up to Tornado.

I have come this far through the support, help and guidance from the warrior parents on this site. Most of all through prayers and more prayers. Thank you Re for your kindness. The journey through does matter.

The journey with our son has changed me in a way that I'm looking deeper into the meaning of life and what it's really all about.

With all we have gone through and overcome, there must be something to be learned and gained from it.

I say this because I know that this experience with your daughters has changed you profoundly also. If I am to change, I want it to be for the better and to be at more peace with myself and my life and those around me that I love. I want to handle things that come at me with dignity and grace.

It has changed me in many ways. I want the same, RN to change for the better, be more at peace.
I came across a quote today that I wrote down awhile back. I don’t know who penned it, but it struck a chord with me. I think it fits with our thoughts here.

“The development of self acceptance from facing adversity is your freedom from quiet desperation and will be a great gift you earn.”

Thank you all for your kindness, love and support. I am truly grateful to have the help from parents on this site.
We are a small army who have been through many battles with strength, wisdom and compassion.
((( Hugs)))
Leafy

 

[Nature]

You are such a wise woman Leafy who has such inner beauty in her soul. You help so many others with your insightful words. Thank you for that.

 

[Tanya M]

They can be saved by loving themselves.

This is the absolute truth!! Until they learn to value and love themselves nothing will change for them.