BusynMember1
Well-Known Member
Yes, it is. I have the same situation. I have a very strong sense of God in my life and ask Him every day to watch over my grandson, heal my daughter and help me. This does comfort me.
Adoptive parents: Would you do it again?
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Copabanana
Well-Known Member
If you have confidence she would give the children the gifts...and if you believe you would feel some peace...whether or not she ignores you...I would think about sending gifts.
This is how I think I would do it: I would decide upfront how often to send gifts (each child's birthday, for example, and holidays that you observe). I think I might send a little something to each child, on each child's birthday, so none feel left out (I would enclose a note to say something like, this is to celebrate x's birthday), and then I would adhere to the schedule automatically. The important thing is to ask yourself if you can let go of the expectation of any specific result, either a response from your daughter, or from the kids.
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200Meters
A real bustard
I don't know.
As Mrs. 200Meters & I were plowing through fertility treatments (9 IVFs, 2 FETs, AIH, etc. all failed; cost isn't really an issue here in Israel), we registered for adoption. (All domestic adoptions in Israel are, by law, public and closed. Legislation for foreign adoption hadn't been passed yet and even if it had, we couldn't have afforded it.) Thus Oldest and Youngest (whom we received at 2 months & 2.5 weeks, respectively). We were the first couple in our little group to get married & the last to have children. Being childless was really starting to eat at us. We were over the moon when we received Oldest & Youngest.
Now, I sometimes wonder if the fact Mrs. 200Meters & I can't have biological children wasn't G-d's way of telling us that, for whatever reason, we were not meant to be parents and that perhaps we would have been better off if we had taken His hint. I dunno. Hindsight is always 20/20.
But I think about it.
As Mrs. 200Meters & I were plowing through fertility treatments (9 IVFs, 2 FETs, AIH, etc. all failed; cost isn't really an issue here in Israel), we registered for adoption. (All domestic adoptions in Israel are, by law, public and closed. Legislation for foreign adoption hadn't been passed yet and even if it had, we couldn't have afforded it.) Thus Oldest and Youngest (whom we received at 2 months & 2.5 weeks, respectively). We were the first couple in our little group to get married & the last to have children. Being childless was really starting to eat at us. We were over the moon when we received Oldest & Youngest.
Now, I sometimes wonder if the fact Mrs. 200Meters & I can't have biological children wasn't G-d's way of telling us that, for whatever reason, we were not meant to be parents and that perhaps we would have been better off if we had taken His hint. I dunno. Hindsight is always 20/20.
But I think about it.
I have a friend that couldn’t have children. Multiple issues. She went through the adoption process the first time and the birth mother miscarried. She went through the second time and all was going very well and the birth mom changed her mind upon delivery. She decided it was not meant for her to adopt. I always wondered about that.
A very difficult / dangerous pregnancy and delivery caused us to adopt our second child. When the doctor said it probably would not be a good idea to get pregnant and deliver again after our first bio baby was born ...I took it as almost a challenge of sorts. I’m an optimistic. (Well, this entire experience CURED me of THAT!) I’ll simply adopt , I thought. Wow. I’ve had all sort of thoughts too. Spent a few years of therapy due to the guilt. My health issues and decision to adopt changed the trajectory of our family.
I don’t know either.
I’m better now. I’m a bit of a realist these days. I’m a bit of a hypervigilent realist. Why? Because this experience changed me.
A very difficult / dangerous pregnancy and delivery caused us to adopt our second child. When the doctor said it probably would not be a good idea to get pregnant and deliver again after our first bio baby was born ...I took it as almost a challenge of sorts. I’m an optimistic. (Well, this entire experience CURED me of THAT!) I’ll simply adopt , I thought. Wow. I’ve had all sort of thoughts too. Spent a few years of therapy due to the guilt. My health issues and decision to adopt changed the trajectory of our family.
I don’t know either.
I’m better now. I’m a bit of a realist these days. I’m a bit of a hypervigilent realist. Why? Because this experience changed me.
Gettin' Older
New Member
I think detaching from the outcome is almost impossible for me. I need to really psychiatric myself up for this, and maybe I will decide I'm just not able to handle the hurt yet.
Gettin' Older
New Member
So true and yet we just keep loving.
It's been awhile since I've been on the board but I came to look today and saw this. Both of our children are adopted. They are now 25 (almost 26) and 22.
Our youngest as difficult to say the least (those of you that have been around for awhile know just how difficult). He is doing so much better than we ever thought he would. He is still difficult, probably always will be to am extent but he is also full of life and a joy to be around.
Our oldest also became difficult but not until 7th grade. Her depression is getting so much better and her anxiety is still something she struggles with. She did graduate from college and will be moving into her own apartment soon.
Would I so it again (if I were younger), yes. I believe I've developed into a better/stronger person than I was. I know it has helped me be a better teacher. And, I love these two so much.
Our youngest as difficult to say the least (those of you that have been around for awhile know just how difficult). He is doing so much better than we ever thought he would. He is still difficult, probably always will be to am extent but he is also full of life and a joy to be around.
Our oldest also became difficult but not until 7th grade. Her depression is getting so much better and her anxiety is still something she struggles with. She did graduate from college and will be moving into her own apartment soon.
Would I so it again (if I were younger), yes. I believe I've developed into a better/stronger person than I was. I know it has helped me be a better teacher. And, I love these two so much.
ChickPea
Well-Known Member
For what it is worth, I am adopted. I put my parents through the ringer for a short period of time during my teenage years (and let me tell you, I REALLY packed it in), but then my life evened out, I got married, had children, and have a very close relationship with my parents. I have children of my own and my once child (my CD child) has been having issues for nearly 15 years now, and about 12 of them have been extremely difficult. I can't tell you how many times I've felt guilt for the pain I put my parents through when I was a teenager, but and when I apologize again and again to them, they remind me that I have brought them much more joy than pain. It is good to hear because I still feel rotten about it. They do not regret adopting me.
I think each case is different. Two of my very close friends adopted specifically because they knew me and felt comfort and inspired by my situation. Both of them could be members of this forum, both of them for 1 of their adopted children! Life is a bit of a crapshoot, eh?
I think each case is different. Two of my very close friends adopted specifically because they knew me and felt comfort and inspired by my situation. Both of them could be members of this forum, both of them for 1 of their adopted children! Life is a bit of a crapshoot, eh?
