I can barely handle the thought so losing another child to drugs.... I have threatened to kick her out but basically gave in hoping the threat would make her realize she needs help.
Hi Katemary. I am so sorry you are in this position. Unfortunately, most of us here on this board have been through something similar.
Every parent here will understand the position you find yourself in. There is nothing easy about it. The fact that you have faced this terrible thing with another child is not easy. Many here on the board are with one child, and than another in perilous situations. Many others are facing the situation with our only child. Which is worse? I do not know. There is nothing easy about any of this.
Reality must be faced. And from there, a decision. And from there, more decisions. That is our only path.
And that is the only way out for our children. We come to understand that our decisions can only be for us. Our children's lives can only be changed by their own decisions, or not. Their choice.
Some questions: You gave your daughter an ultimatum, and relented? Has that worked? Have things improved for you? For her?
27 years old is an adult, not a child. My thinking is this: there are no circumstances that justify an adult child actively using drugs living in your home.
My son is 26, until recently off and on he was in my home.
I am choosing another way, now. I am letting him live his own life. He can find his own living situation, treatment, and by doing so, learn, or not. I came to see this as respect for him, the real embodiment of hope.
It is by no means easy.
But the other way was worse. On me.
And I saw after trying and trying that NOT ONE THING I DID OR SUFFERED, helped him. I got sicker and sicker, weaker and weaker. More and more despairing. My life had come to be defined by my failure to solve my adult son's problems.
The decision I came to is to try to let go. I think initially I made this choice, for him, not so much for me.
Better idea: to accept fully that I matter, my life matters, my health matters. MY HAPPINESS MATTERS. I am nowhere there yet.
Still, I am as a boxer in the ring, my opponent, way stronger than am I. Every phone call from my son, brings me down.
I am still sacrificing myself that he shall live. WRONG. It does not work.
I am pondering what to do next. I have few answers. I only know the first steps.
I know this: Nothing that we do at this point will help them. They must solve this, not us.
I know this too: At this point our children are like us. Adults. No different than us. Do you and I not deserve health and well-being as do they?
Answer yourself honestly, here.
Nothing about this is your fault or your responsibility anymore. Nothing. Your children are adults. Let them handle this. You take care of yourself.
We are here with you and for you. Stay with us, why don't you and learn from the other mothers and fathers who have faced this. We can do it together. Take care.