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...and it all falls apart.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Lil, Sep 25, 2016.

  1. Weary Mother

    Weary Mother WEARY MOTHER

    understood Jabberwockey, I can only imagine how that feels. When my son was running, hid Dad and I both knew where he was, but we are not employed in law enforcement and amazingly the law enforcement people did not come to us and ask us where he was. His Dad was the one talking to the authorities and he did tell them of the stuff he knew about the meth explosion and who was responsible, and this feels terrible no matter why you do it. Turning in your own flesh and blood is a terrible thing to have to do. But I for one would have if I thought they would acutally go get him. Sometimes it is better for them in than out. Why don't you know if he has an active warrant? Possibly it may be like here, they won't tell you when you call. Strange.
  2. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Because we don't actively seek out the information.
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    My son will deal with the warrant after he has some time sober and some school under his belt. We are in no way ready for him to come back home even for a visit.

    It's not for anything that horrible, a text fight with an ex girlfriend that liked to provoke him. Probably will be thrown out but it will need to be dealt with at some point in time. Not something we're worried about right now. Have enough other stuff!
  4. Weary Mother

    Weary Mother WEARY MOTHER

    makes sense. I did call but due to policy they do not tell you anything, unless you want to give them info, which I did not. It would have made more sense to not ask but we were encouraging him to turn himself in, or get a job. go figure.
  5. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Yes, it's kind of a "if we don't know, we don't have to tell" situation. So we don't look. We could, especially Jabber, find out easily enough. And truthfully, it did cross my mind...that maybe he spent that missing $200 on bail and was running...when he left. But Jabber pointed out a few reasons why that likely was not the case - there was never a time when he was gone from the house and out of contact with us long enough actually - so we disregarded that idea.

    Turns out that actually I am not a mandatory reporter. But I WOULD be truthful if the police ever asked me if I knew where to find him and he knows that. I will not put myself in legal trouble by lying, ever. Not even for him.
  6. Weary Mother

    Weary Mother WEARY MOTHER

    understood. its never easy.
  7. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis


    I can't imagine your pain and stress and finally a sigh that at least hes safe now. My husband does ministry work in prison, and they have programs to get clean..and tools to stay that way.

    We aren't to that point...but hard to see a 20yr old guy act like he's really 17....I see my 16yr olds will out grow him mentally. I pray ( not pay)lol..that the hope is always there. It's an immature patience on my part. He has a legal issue to deal with when court comes..has lost his license due to the fact he wrote down his mental conditions..oy. He works...and is sober, I guess that's what i should be thankful for, but we would like to start pushing him for more...

    Thank you for your honesty and brutal truth. Lil..in every situation..yes..it could be worse.
  8. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I turned my daughter in when we found her doing drugs at home partly because she said her supplier (who she named) was a 35/year old man on parole and she was fifteen and we wanted him stopped. It didn't stop her drug use as far as I know. She smoked pot even on parole back when pot was a bigger deal than it is now, but like Lil I never really knew for sure because not anxious to have to turn her in for a parole violation. I am so blessed that she quit the drugs on her own. If she had not and had had a warrant and ran...I can't say I would have turned her in. I get it.

    I have recently been shocked into knowing my oldest son broke the law in a very serious way when he was younger...it was a sick crime against a person. I am not sure what to do with my knowledge...it is too late for the cops. But I think much less of him as a person because of this and it will never change as he has no remorse and won't even admit it.

    I believe we are born many times to learn many lessons and this son has taught me A LOT. In spite of the pain, I have learned to love an imperfect person who is in my life because I believe it was planned that way. And he taught me gratitude for all my blessings. I am a very grateful person for everything I do have and never take the good for granted.

    Our difficult children do teach us, but the lessons are often hard, like how to detach and take care of ourselves and cherish every rose in our path. And in a weird way, I think this son gave me greater compassion for those who suffer, and I had a lot of compassion anyways...I have a lot of caring for those others in pain, like my son. Now I'm blubbering. Better stop.

    It is quite the journey for us, isn't it?
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  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Lil what's going on with your son? You haven't posted in a few days. Just wondering.
  10. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I think boys are so much more immature than girls anyway and you can really see the difference it makes when drug use is involved. My 21 year old is no way 21 to me. It's just a number...
  11. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Nothing to report. After i saw the post that he was trying to get home, I didn't do anything. Finally on Thursday, I sent a text that said, "It's time for your weekly, "I'm alive." text. His response was, "Yeah. It's been a weird week." I said, "Just making sure." and that was that. Haven't heard anything since.

    I'm considering offering him the sleeping bag he asked for, but only considering. It's really cold here now...and that makes me worry about him. But, don't know that I will.
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Is he prone to vague answers? Things must not be going too badly for him since he has not been calling and complaining. Perhaps he is learning how to become more self reliant.
  13. JaneBetty

    JaneBetty Active Member

    It sounds as though he is handling things...no news is good news?
  14. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Actually it sounds as if he is doing this and asking for little. Take it as a good sign!
  15. LoveSushi

    LoveSushi Member

    Lil, the homeless in my area can get a new sleeping bag whenever they want, as well as clean warm clothes, 3 hot meals a day, a tent, a bus pass, and pretty much whatever else they want. I see brand new sleeping bags thrown in the weeds all the time. It's very easy to be homeless around here. Too easy.

    I don't think you need to offer him a sleeping bag.
  16. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Actually he called just a bit ago but all he asked for was for us to mail him a pack of cigarettes. He needs to receive a piece of mail where he is at to start establishing residency. As for the cigarettes, well he isn't working although he SAYS he's job hunting. Oh, and he's still in Colorado Springs. Apparently the ride fell through, big shock.
  17. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    He said he's considering "breaking off from the group" and going to Denver with a friend. I asked him to let me know where he's at, and mentioned that there are more shelters there, but otherwise did not comment.
  18. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I love Colorado Springs. I had trouble breathing in Denver due to the altitude. Lil, you are showing him loving concern and letting him figure things out.
  19. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    He did call today and ask me to buy him a bike tire tube for store pickup at Wal-Mart. Apparently, someone gave him an old bike. He says his friend and he are going to bike to Denver. These sort of things, I don't mind. So he should have that by the end of the day.
  20. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Sounds like he is making some decisions independently in breaking away from the group!

    This could be a good thing and lead to him not always following the crowd, starting to think for himself.

    I think he is finding out that being homeless is a lot more work than he thought!