...and it all falls apart.

[Jabberwockey]

No my mistake I mean the first time and the only time so far would you have still kicked him out if he did not broke your trust by stealing from you 2?

If he wasn't working and was just smoking pot and being a bum and messing up the house and screaming at us, etc., it probably would have come to that.

Yeah, it still would have come to that because him just lazing around, not working, and requesting that we buy him certain foods such as chicken patties and soda and, of course, the cigarettes that he couldn't afford would have driven me nuts.

 

[mtic]

My son had the same rules. Have a job, give us X amount of money every two weeks. He had two choices. One was to meet the requirements and continue to live at home and the other choice was not to meet the requirements and move out. We didn't use the terms "kick him out" or "throw him out." We wanted to be sure he knew it was HIS choice. He didn't have the money to give us (he decided drugs were better than a house), so he's been living with a friend in another state since July. Best thing that could have happened. My house is peaceful again. Thankfully, he has enrolled in some sort of drug program and seems to be clean since then (I think). I don't know a lot of details as I asked him and his friend to have very limited contact with me. I simply couldn't deal with his problems anymore. I hope you can have peace in your house again. This is no way for people to live.

 

[RN0441]

Mtdenise:

Same with us. My son has been gone since March 1200 miles away and I am so much happier. He also has been screwing up since then but it's not in my house and not in my face. He also laughed at our rules and chose drugs over the wonderful life he could have had with his family.

Now he is gaining some humility since he is couch surfing at his girlfriend's. Starts a new job Saturday and is sober right now so maybe he will learn from this. Having no place to live wakes (some of) them up real fast. Hopefully this will be my son's wake up call!

You don't want it to come to that, BUT IF that's what it takes, so be it. I don't want a 30 year old laying on my couch doing nothing (he's just 21 but the years slip by). Oh and mine likes chicken patties too Jabber. LOL

 

[Lil]

Oh and mine likes chicken patties too Jabber. LOL

Do these kids have something against chewing? Pretty much everything he eats is soft. Pasta, cheese, chicken nuggets and patties, pizza, hamburgers....Junk.

Two decisions have been made today.

1. I've reserved his train and his hotel for the first 3 days - NO MORE. The rest of this is ON HIM. No more legwork from Mom to get him to a cannabis friendly state/hotel/life.

2. I'll quit smoking again after he leaves.

 

[A dad]

Yeah it was just a matter of time either way so why did I asked that well in case he reads this forum to know that he must change a lot more if he wants to live with you 2.
Credit for being a better person then in the past just not enough hell it will probably never be enough adult children living with their parents in this day and age in the country you 2 live in and in your culture is just not a good idea and rarely works out.
Chicken patties are very similar to something we have here called schnitzel and there amazing it takes some time to make them but there so worth it. Now I have to make some.

 

[RN0441]

And Lil they are really not kids...they are young men.

My husband used to get so mad at me for buying him his favorite stuff at the grocery store. I used to spend a fortune.

I was so stupid. I thought if I bought him the food he liked he'd be good. I just wanted him to be happy. We treated him like a King. It did not work. I cannot believe the old me.

 

[AppleCori]

Both of my step-sons love junk food!

The older one is more flexible, but the younger one lives exclusively on junk food as best as I can tell.

I used to buy and keep junk food here for when he would drop by and didn't like what we were having for dinner, or to have at other times. I would sometimes feel embarrassed to buy it!

Yes, I know, but I want him to like coming over.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Chicken patties are very similar to something we have here called schnitzel and there amazing it takes some time to make them but there so worth it. Now I have to make some.

Ah, no. Nothing similar about these two things at all. I've never had a proper schnitzel myself but have heard that its AMAZING! These are a pre-cooked breaded processed chicken type product. Granted, they are actually decent for what they are but there is NO comparison here! LOL!

My husband used to get so mad at me for buying him his favorite stuff at the grocery store.

Yes, Lil frustrates me with this as well. My attitude is that when he's not working he can eat what we eat and be happy he has a full belly. When he's working then he can afford to buy his own junk food!

No more legwork from Mom to get him to a cannabis friendly state/hotel/life.

I seriously hope so Honey. He really needs to learn how to do this for himself and quit relying on you to take care of everything for him.

 

[BusynMember]

On the up side, since he both likes pot and smokes cigarettes, if you cut off the bank of Mom he will HAVE to work. Both cost money.

 

[Lil]

Doesn't get much more cut off than 2 states away. He was working...I hope he can find a job out there. Fact is, he didn't pick the best town. A big city would have had more opportunities.

 

[pasajes4]

I think we focus to much on wanting them to be happy. If you ask a parent what they want for their child, happiness is right up there following healthy. They need to do that for themselves. I think we have done a disservice to a whole generation of kids that chomped onto that and then held us responsible when they were not happy. I think most of our parents focused on us becoming productive/responsible citizens.

 

[JaneBetty]

I think we focus to much on wanting them to be happy. If you ask a parent what they want for their child, happiness is right up there following healthy. They need to do that for themselves. I think we have done a disservice to a whole generation of kids that chomped onto that and then held us responsible when they were not happy. I think most of our parents focused on us becoming productive/responsible citizens.

I think there's something to this. I am guilty of have often telling my girls I wanted them to be happy, something that didn't come out of my depression era parents' mouths that I recall.

 

[pasajes4]

Me too

 

[Lil]

I think there's something to this. I am guilty of have often telling my girls I wanted them to be happy, something that didn't come out of my depression era parents' mouths that I recall.

My mother's goal for me was that I work somewhere air conditioned.

Well we took son out to dinner tonight then dropped him at a friend's. Good thing, as A and J were waiting when we got back. A said he'd been to our son's work, who said he hadn't been in and that he was supposed to get the trailer tomorrow but couldn't without him. I just told him not to count on him and other than that I didn't know what to say.

I actually feel bad for A. I wish I understood why my son wouldn't just TELL him. He told J he was out. But A was going to be the other guy on the lease.

 

[pasajes4]

Living and working in ac was one of MY goals. A/c was not something that was widespread around Texas until the late 60's. I worked in un airconditioned schools up through the 80's.

 

[GoingNorth]

One of the advantages to working in Information Technology is that the equipment had to be kept cool. Computer rooms were iceboxes. Server farms could be chilly as well. And you better keep equipment comfy, especially the early stuff, as you get a warning, a critical warning, and things start shutting down, usually with catastrophic results to end users and whatever jobs are running.

 

[Lil]

Well, today's the day. At lunch I go get him and take him to cash his paycheck. Then at 6 we go to the train. My plan is to be upbeat and try to think of it like a parent back in the hippie years when a kid would take off to backpack across country; he's having an adventure. Those kids mostly survived. Right?

He actually had hinted that some money toward the hotel would be nice. I told him no, but gave him a Wal-Mart card I downloaded my Savings Catcher to. He was most grateful.

I just hope I don't run into A and J. If nothing else, I'll be relieved when that train pulls out so that we can just TELL them he's moved away. I swear, I feel like I'm being tailed...just paranoid. It's ridiculous. He said J had been pounding on the door earlier yesterday and had a couple of guys with him. Maybe he knew them. Or maybe it was psycho druggie friends of J's - his words - and that's why he's afraid to confront him. He says he thinks A may have left him alone but J wouldn't have.

Maybe my telling A not to count on him for the trailer get the point across.

 

[pasajes4]

We did survive and thrive. I was one of those "hippies". I backpacked, lived in a commune, protested the war, and then one day it hit me that it was all fun games, but I could not envision being a 50 year old with not 1 red cent to my name. I did a 180 that day. I am happily paying off a mortgage, vehicle, and a registered voter. Life is fluid. I don't regret those days. I have some wonderful memories of this beautiful country.

 

[RN0441]

This could be the best thing for all of you.

He needs to live HIS life. He will have some life experiences. Some good, some bad. He will grow as a person. I think he needs this.

I just posted on my thread that my son found a furnished apartment to share by his new job and community college in Florida all on his own! We are paying the first months rent for him but after that only giving minimal assistance - and ONLY IF he stays on track. If he screws up, WE WILL LET HIM BE HOMELESS.

I would never believe he could do this on his own. But we pushed him HARD out of the nest. I still have little to no contact with him and husband is handling. As Jabber said, this is what young men need. Not mommy. It's working for us.

 

[Lil]

He really needs to learn how to do this for himself and quit relying on you to take care of everything for him.

As Jabber said, this is what young men need. Not mommy.

I know. I really do. I have a hard time disconnecting the impulse to do for him. I have realized that he asks for me to do a thing, but I do a THING. He asked me to reserve the hotel. Now, in my defense, I was trying to get him into a cheaper one, but it wasn't me paying for it. I did a ton of trip advisor research, checked the bus routes and nearby services, and called and talked to the hotel! Eventually son changed his mind and moved to a different, cheaper, hotel, which was good.

But I should have done the reservation and let him learn the hard way to research more thoroughly.

I DID tell him I was done though and to figure the rest out on his own. His response was, "I've got it covered." I'm sure he does. He won't starve or die of exposure. There are shelters and soup kitchens. He'll figure it out.

I hate this.