Rosie, I understand the feelings of terror and heart ache. It is probably the most difficult part of all of this,
untangling ourselves emotionally, from the web of our children's addiction. Once we go through the angst of being in the center of their drama, then they are out there, fending for themselves, we can go into a tailspin ourselves. It is a time of grieving and soul searching. Take time to feel what you feel, and get it out.
I am still hard at work, dealing with the intensity of it all. The holidays have created this feeling of being stuck. Not heartbreaking sadness, just stuck. I find there are good days and bad.....each day is a little better.
My two, have gone no contact with me, so that is not a problem, and yet it is?
So, I let myself feel what I have to. Then, I try to just do busy work, put on the music and breathe.
It takes time, and
understanding how far we got sucked into the drama of it. It is hard to break free from.
I think the years of desperately seeking solutions, the years of concentration and focus on our d cs, take its toll on
self care. It is
not selfish, to care for ourselves
. It is of utmost importance.
It is okay, for you to go
no contact for awhile, until your have strengthened yourself, to deal with your daughter.
Do you have hobbies? If you have given up something you enjoy, it is good to start over, find out what your interests are, what brings
you joy.
Reminding ourselves that we matter, we have a life to live, helps.
Also, our d cs are adults, they are resourceful, there is help out there for them......we do not have to continuously deal with the consequences of their choices, that is what it is all about for everybody, consequences, good choices and bad.....it is life. The sooner our d cs learn, the better for them.
You will go through good days and bad. Keep posting and sharing, it helps.
I think creating boundaries has to do with our own integrity. Truth, respect. We must have respect for ourselves. Through building up our self-respect, it helps others around us, including our d cs, recognize there are lines we draw, that they are not allowed to cross.....
The more we break free from the entanglement of our d cs addiction, the stronger we grow. There is much to live for. I mean
really, really live.
It is unfair to ourselves, if we allow our d cs choices, to take us down with them. By setting boundaries, and learning to live well ourselves, we are giving the BEST example to our d cs.
In the end all, I think this will have much more meaning, than any "help" aka enabling we do. Living well, and praying the same for our d cs.
Showing them, by our example, all the goodness life has to offer........it is up to each individual to find their purpose and meaning......
My New Years wish, for those of us in these circumstances, is to finally break free from the chains of our d cs choices, and
live our lives to the fullest.
This happens, one day, one step at a time.
Take care dear Rosie.
Be very, very kind to yourself, you matter. You are not alone.
(((HUGS)))
leafy