Update son

Helpless29

Active Member
Since my son has relapsed & came back to Chicago , it has become so chaotic . He was staying by nephews but when my nephews girlfriend comes over my son is back on the streets . My son was out on the streets for about a week & acourse the phone calls came , he had no money , no food , giving me the guilt trip, saying if he dies in the streets it will be my fault , not calling me mom but by my first name . It’s just a lot. His grandma called me saying her yard gate was wide open & chairs were laid out like a make shift bed & she was very mad , He calls the grandpa ( who is so hurt by this) and tells him how hungry he is ,the the grandfather takes a bus to bring him food & money when he can ( which causes the grandparents to fight ) This is his dads parents ( not mine) .The grandmother calls me & is very angry and says I need to take care of my son & do something so he does not bother them. It’s just so much chaos & phone calls & begging . And I can’t give him any money or it will just cause a huge fight between me & my husband. Some days for me I feel helpless & sad & other days I try to realize there is nothing I can do. My heart just gets in a knot when his number comes up .
His phone got disconnected so now he is calling from FB messager. I didn’t answer but I’m sure it’s about giving him money for his phone & of course his call comes at 11 a night .
 

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
It won’t be your fault if he dies on the streets. He simply has no desire to live a conventional life. I doubt he will die on the streets. Look how many times he escaped death when he was involved with the gangs. He knows how to take care of himself. When push comes to shove, people can be resourceful and creative. If he won’t stay in a homeless shelter where he can be fed, etc., that is on him, not you. He figured out how to get a loan for $24k, despite having no credit history or long term stable employment. He can fend for himself.

It might help you to occupy your mind on a hobby or crafts. It helps pass the time and will give you something to focus on.

I’m sorry your son is giving you so much grief. I understand how your husband feels. He wants to protect the other children in the house, and is probably angry at your son for causing you so much heartache.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
So did you reach out for any help? NarAnon or private therapy? If you dont, it is just like your son refusing g to get help. You need help as much as he does. Addiction is a family disease. Everyone involved with the addict becomes sick and needs to learn how to recover. Nothing ever changes for anybody if people refuse to take those hard and uncomfortable steps to change. You can't force your son to get help, but you and your husband can get help...and in my humble opinion need to badly.

I would not talk to Dad's parents. Don't even have to answer the phone. How.is it your fault that your son bothers them? You have no control over who he decides to bother and if Grandfather maybe went to Nar Anon, and many grandparents do, maybe he would know better than to take a bus to give things to a drug addict. That's his fault and nobody else's. Drug addicts are very sick and often lie too. We become sick too and often deny how sick they are and that getting g well is 100 percent on them. I sure denied it.

Your son is really off the rails and when my daughter dared tocall me by my first name, and she did, I would hang up. Period.

I hope you all decide to reach out for help for yourselves. Hugs and prayers to all. I k ow it's hard.
 

Nomad

Well-Known Member
Our daughter did and does that first name thing …even more so lately when we stopped being her personal bank etc.

It’s an immature, manipulative ploy.

I agree it would be a good idea to seek out therapy or a 12 step program for yourself.

You might BRIEFLY tell the grandparents that help for your son has not worked. He seems to need to learn life lessons another way. Then I would really limited speaking with them. If they are ugly to you, I would not speak with them.
If your son can speak with you respectfully, I would consider keeping that line of communication open somewhat. No way should you be a punching bag.
 
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