BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Does she have borderline personality disorder?
Couldn't stay detached, messed up; now I'll pay for it in more ways than one
- Thread starter Snow White
- Start date
Snow White
On the Mad Tea Party Ride
SWOT - Yes, she does. She has had a long list of diagnoses over the years (some were used to get services/treatment for her that normally wouldn't be accessible): ADHD, Bipolar disorder type 2 (ruled out), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Cluster B personality traits, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression. Of her Cluster B personality traits, the borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder cause her the most difficulty.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Madonna, I'm sorry. Cluster B personality disorders are hard for loved ones to deal with. Many of our females who are difficult have them. Some of the men are narcissists and antisocials. I think my son is.
They don't think there is anything wrong with them and they don't change. We have to change and not allow them to abuse u.s and manipulate us with their words and deeds. If we don't they will eat is up alive. All we can do is to set strong boundaries, stick to them and refuse to listen to them when they throw toddler tantrums. That can include periods of no contact.
It is not easy. We don't want to think of our children as not nice. But cluster B is rough. Those who have these personality disorders are not nice and rarely go for intensive therapy to try to change. Instead they point fingers. I know my son does. And if I let him get away with any bad behavior toward me, I am asking him to step all over me. He is more decent if I crack the whip and don't talk to him unless he is respectful. He doesn't last as respectful of course, but then I have to crack the whip and withdraw again. It doesn't end. But I won't let him treat me like dirt. My other kids are not happy with him. It's sad.
They don't think there is anything wrong with them and they don't change. We have to change and not allow them to abuse u.s and manipulate us with their words and deeds. If we don't they will eat is up alive. All we can do is to set strong boundaries, stick to them and refuse to listen to them when they throw toddler tantrums. That can include periods of no contact.
It is not easy. We don't want to think of our children as not nice. But cluster B is rough. Those who have these personality disorders are not nice and rarely go for intensive therapy to try to change. Instead they point fingers. I know my son does. And if I let him get away with any bad behavior toward me, I am asking him to step all over me. He is more decent if I crack the whip and don't talk to him unless he is respectful. He doesn't last as respectful of course, but then I have to crack the whip and withdraw again. It doesn't end. But I won't let him treat me like dirt. My other kids are not happy with him. It's sad.
Tiredof33
Active Member
In the past I made excuses for my child's lack of *common sense*. I forgave the stealing, allowing his friends to steal from me, verbal abusive behavior, and much more. Spent lots of money trying to 'fix' my child. I felt so much guilt and responsibility for his life.
THEN, it affected my health so badly, that I knew something had to change. It was a wake up call for me.
I was drawn back into his drama, giving money, time after time while I learned to detach and let him be in charge of his life. Our change doesn't happen over night. After all, we do love these children, it's hard.
My child was threatening suicide when I refused to give him money and when I would call the police to check on him, he would say he is not suicidal and nothing was done. It's horrible for a mother, or anyone that loves them.
He and girlfriend started a con for money and I fell for it for almost 6 months before I found out the truth. I was hurt to the bone. When I decided I could not live this way any longer he cut off contact for almost five years. I used this time to focus on me. My health is better, mentally and physically. I am happier.
He started contact again last year and immediately the money requests started flowing. I am stronger now, he is an adult, he chooses his life. I no longer feel guilt.
I met with him in July for the first time and bought him clothes, eye glasses, took him to dinner. No money.
I am certain he was living in the woods for years. His choice! He also smokes, so he gets money from somewhere. He tells me he is working, he is living with a friend. I don't ask questions.
You have to remind yourself they are adults. Look after you and let them be responsible for their lives. Also, they will lie to you lol!
It's hard! It does get easier, but, if yours is like mine, they will dig in their heels and fight hard until they realize you are serious.
(((hugs and blessings)))
THEN, it affected my health so badly, that I knew something had to change. It was a wake up call for me.
I was drawn back into his drama, giving money, time after time while I learned to detach and let him be in charge of his life. Our change doesn't happen over night. After all, we do love these children, it's hard.
My child was threatening suicide when I refused to give him money and when I would call the police to check on him, he would say he is not suicidal and nothing was done. It's horrible for a mother, or anyone that loves them.
He and girlfriend started a con for money and I fell for it for almost 6 months before I found out the truth. I was hurt to the bone. When I decided I could not live this way any longer he cut off contact for almost five years. I used this time to focus on me. My health is better, mentally and physically. I am happier.
He started contact again last year and immediately the money requests started flowing. I am stronger now, he is an adult, he chooses his life. I no longer feel guilt.
I met with him in July for the first time and bought him clothes, eye glasses, took him to dinner. No money.
I am certain he was living in the woods for years. His choice! He also smokes, so he gets money from somewhere. He tells me he is working, he is living with a friend. I don't ask questions.
You have to remind yourself they are adults. Look after you and let them be responsible for their lives. Also, they will lie to you lol!
It's hard! It does get easier, but, if yours is like mine, they will dig in their heels and fight hard until they realize you are serious.
(((hugs and blessings)))
