difficult child has no electricity

[pinevalley]

Oh Nancy, Reading about your difficult child just makes me SO MAD, and I don't even know her! It is so crazy how these kids only think in the moment, and they are not bothered by what can happen in the future. My difficult child is the same way, and it makes absolutely no sense to me. It's like the part of the brain with common sense is not working, so they continue to make decisions that really make no sense at all.

I am praying that your difficult child is safe right now. It seems like she is heading for a big fall, unfortunately. It is so hard to watch this happen & not try To rescue her. (((HUGS))) to you.

 

[wantpeace]

I'm sorry, Nancy. It is very true that difficult children only worry about the present. When we attended family therapy for difficult child, the counselors really stressed that talking about the future (like college and having a family...) doesn't work with difficult children.

She will need to keep facing the natural consequences and hopefully learn from it eventually. I give you lots of credit for making her deal with her own issues.

Hugs,
wantpeace

 

[Nancy]

I don't think she cares that much. Her girlfriend wrote on her fb wall that she was getting wrecked with difficult child on fruity drinks. Good to know she has friends that will feed her.

Nancy

 

[Signorina]

Oh Nancy - vitamin C may help her?

Really no, I don't mean to make light of her fruity drinks. I know this is heartbreaking. And I know it is SO HARD to hold your tongue and not spring into action to try to get thru to her.

H and I had this discussion -- he wants to go see difficult child and try to get thru to him. He thinks that difficult child doesn't get the facts. And I would never discourage him, but I did gently remind him that we did present all the facts, all of his options & a healthy dose of common sense and that he didn't care and then he systematically manipulated us. I think we nurture that tiny hope that our kids are naive instead of out of touch. And while it's true they are naive, it's even more true that they are willfully unrealistic.

Your difficult child has a long road ahead. She may be violating her lease by letting the electricity be turned off. Furthermore, they will likely require a deposit and an additional fee - plus the back charges & late fees - to turn it back on. For whatever reason, our kids get into holes and just keep digging.

As I typed the cliche, I giggled. According to difficult child, one of our biggest faults (you know, our faults that are responsible for EVERYTHING bad in his life) is that we say "stupid sh!t like that". (H's fav phrase - when you find yourself in a hole, first thing you need to do is stop digging) Threw that in our face more than once...

le sigh

 

[dashcat]

Nancy,
Just wanted you to know that I feel your pain. My difficult child does pretty much the same thing with money. Like you, we certainly taught her differently and neither her dad nor I live like that. It is baffling. Of course you are right not to step in, but it sure is hard for you to watch.

Many hugs,
Dash

 

[Nancy]

Hi Dash, nice to see you. difficult child is in much worse trouble. She is doing all sorts of drugs now and somehow getting money doing somethiing illegal, probably selling drugs. I think she wants to die.

Nancy

 

[gottaloveem]

Hi Dash, nice to see you. difficult child is in much worse trouble. She is doing all sorts of drugs now and somehow getting money doing somethiing illegal, probably selling drugs. I think she wants to die.

Nancy

sending supportive hugs your way ((((HUGS))))

Love,
Lia

 

[DDD]

As you know I follow your posts closely and truly hope and pray some positive resolution comes before too long. I do think, however, that your statement "I think she wants to die" is inaccurate and likely is a thought that magnifies your fears for her future. in my humble opinion it is very very rare for a s.a. difficult child to think like that unless they have predetermined serious mental health issues that include that previously stated goal. The vast majority of users who are young seek instant gratification, the next opportunity for fun, access to more alcohol or drugs, a lifestyle that includes freedom from responsibility. I don't believe that many grasp the reality of potential incarceration, potential disease, potential danger. Really I believe that they want to go with the flow that is most enticingly available.

With very caring hugs I hope you don't allow yourself to worry about her survival in that way. She is making frightening choices. She may end up paying consequences sooner or later. She is like all out difficult child's in my humble opinion...she wants what she wants when she wants it and sadly, so far, doesn't even grasp that she is getting further and further down a road with few options. Meanwhile you are making progress in detaching and the healthier and stronger you are the more prepared you will be to face whatever you have to face. Hugs DDD

 

[Signorina]

Oh sweet Nancy, she wants to escape. She isn't trying to kill herself. Maybe same somehow but very different motivation. I know it hurts. Please have a busy day today and do something distracting.

In the meantime-and I mean this as gentle advice not as a criticism-please stop checking her FB page or wherever you are getting the detailed information. I know it's hard. been there done that. I know you feel the need to know. been there done that too. But when you see that stuff and you CAN'T do anything about it then it only hurts YOU. And ignorance may not be bliss but it may give you more peace. Which is why I only check difficult child's phone records. (he has me very limited on his FB page) I could check his aol email acct but when I did it last, it brought me to my knees. And h said "no more" also as gentle advice. And for months I has a post-it note with simply the word "don't" stuck to my laptop. I hope not to check it again. Even so I must admit that when he didn't return my texts last night, I did check his phone acct & was hurt that he was ignoring me yet had called his girlfriend's mother. Sigh

That essay and this board are the two lifelines I found in those first nights after difficult child stormed out. They both grabbed my heart strings and still do.

{{{hugs}}} dear friend

 

[rejectedmom]

Just more (((HUGS))). -RM

 

[Tiredof33]

Signorina, thank you for posting the link - I have loved your signature from the first time I visited this site.

Nancy, I am in no way making excuses for our difficult children because it is a tough world and they must learn to survive in it. For the strangest reason they take the hard life. Maybe they had a hard beginning (many of ours di,d not all) but they are the ones that have to turn their lives around. They have low self esteem and they continue to do things that lower it even more, plus having 'dirt bags' to call friends doesn't help.

I did not visit my difficult child in jail, the pain was too much, but I did accept his daily calls and I attended his rehabs. One time when an older man mentioned that his family never visited him, I told my son out of the man's hearing range, you just get so very tired of your life revolving around their promises, mistakes, and drama.

I admire you for staying busy and discussing the truth, I withdrew into myself for years when my difficult child was really bad. Not a good idea, I had to deal with it later, it doesn't go away. My husband says I always have to be doing sometime and I know it is my coping style! I am always quilting, crocheting, and knitting.

Hope you have a good day!
(((blessings for us all)))

 

[Nancy]

Sig I printed the essay. It may just be what I need today. Thank you.

Nancy