difficult child stabbed yesterday, he's okay, in hospital

[Albatross]

The door gets cracked open and then he pushes for more and more.
At the same time, he is able to keep on like he is, living like he is, because I'm doing for him things he needs to be doing for himself.

Amen. That is exactly right. It is an issue of our boundaries AND an issue of our innate desire to do what's best for our (adult) children. It violates both of those fundamental parts of who we are. It hits us on both ends. And it never stops, until we say that's enough. It's OK to be at that point. Because they aren't going to stop on their own, that's for sure.

I am not even upset...much. I feel heavy today. Dragged down.

I understand how you feel. We try to do the right thing, the loving thing, even though it might be in large part a giant pain in the rear, and then we realize they didn't learn from it or profit from it in anything other than the immediate moment. And we are hit in the face once again with the realization that that's all they really care about anyway. It's so exhausting and the pointlessness of it is overwhelming sometimes.

I'm glad you updated us. I've been wondering how things were going.

 

[Childofmine]

So....wow. You truly cannot make this stuff up.

easy child just called. He is taking difficult child's big screen TV to a pawn shop to hock, per difficult child's request (TV has been at easy child's house for a couple of months).

Now difficult child has to have $700+ to get girlfriend out because "one of her bonds was revoked."

difficult child is trying to get his car title from his dad to hock the car. Dad says he's not getting it.

Evidently, I miscalculated and difficult child slept on the street last night. I thought he had one more night in the motel.

Dad washed the clothes last night, and....dropped them off behind a bush behind a Kentucky Fried Chicken store early this morning.

difficult child told easy child he was planning to stay at girlfriend's mom's house when she gets out of jail.

difficult child said he did fall off the bike yesterday, arm now really hurts, and then, he took the bandage off for a while.

difficult child goes to work tomorrow, did not work today.

********************

The level of stupidity here is at a new low.

I am truly speechless.

 

[Childofmine]

Well she is out. Whole new level of stupid and I am 20 steps closer to done.


Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app

 

[4now]

Thinking of you and praying for your son.


Sent using ConductDisorders

 

[Echolette]

Holy cow. I thought I was done being surprised by difficult child's, but I am truly surprised. What the heck were the bonds people thinking?

This is one of those times where life will teach its own lessons. Nothing for you to do but stand back.

Tight hugs and a shot glass coming your way tonight.

Echo

 

[SeekingStrength]

Hugs, COM.

Different lyrics, same beat..

husband and i know "something crazy" is around the corner with our gfg33.

Agreeing with above: What else can you do, but stand back?

 

[tryagain]

Well COM, I hope you remember me. I've been away from the boards for a while, so I did not know about difficult child's stabbing and crazy girlfriend. I was horrified to read about it and I am praying for you to be strong. It is a nightmare being emotionally tied to the back of their "car" and dragged along.

I have been away while my difficult child was reasonably stable-- No suicide attempts, was working, seemed in a good relationship. Now she is again in a state of flux and we are having a hard time discerning fact from her fantasies. I am just hoping she does not decide to OD again, but I have absolutely no control over the situation.

I am again feeling that this is the one place on Earth that everyone understands. I just wanted to lend you a little moral support and let you know that someone is thinking about you at this hour of the lonely night.

 

[Albatross]

Totally floored. I agree with Echo and SS, this is absolutely one of those stepping back periods.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

I had to chuckle at the matter of fact way you described dropping clean laundry off behind a bush at Kentucky Fried.

Who lives like this!?!

Been there, done that.

It just all gets to seem so normal!

I am happy to learn he is working. Big positive.

He is loyal to the girl.

Another positive, character-wise.

Say to him the words you need to say COM and then...let go.

You don't have to know the purpose, the plan, or the progression.

Hold faith. Do those things for him that your heart tells you are right. Find a space within yourself where these true things exist with their uncertain outcomes.

Let that be.

Celebrate your life, your breath, this moment.

The pain will pass.

The fear will calm; the hurt and anger will subside.

We are all right here.

Cedar

 

[tishthedish]

Here's something I once read and it struck a chord with me:
Sometimes the definition of heaven is backing away from hell.

I hope things quiet down for you COM. You've been through so much with this episode. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

 

[Childofmine]

Thanks to all of you dear and kind Warrior Moms. Nobody else in the world would really believe the endless horror but you all, and that is a comfort.

So...today I went to pick him up from work at McDonald's at 2 to take him to the doctor. I had previously said to him I was going to go into the doctor's office and exam room (what the heck was I thinking?) and find out about his arm for myself (me, the Warrior Mom, hah!) but last night I came to my senses and realized I need to know NOTHING about this. I need to know nothing about the PT they will probably recommend---and of course he will not do----and all of that stuff. No engagement, no me-setting-things-up-and-him-once-again-not-doing-the-things-he-needs-to-do. been there done that for the past 10 years.

So...I had decided to myself that I was going to be nice, pleasant, not engage but still give him a ride to the doctor.

I went, he came out, and immediately said he needed to ride his bike to my house first (about a mile away). I said, no, but what about riding it to the day shelter (another mile further). No, he said.

Okay, what about just across the street to Publix. No, he said.

Okay, well, let's go, you can just leave it here. I'm just going to be dropping you off.

Oh, you're not going in with me, like you said. No, I'm not.

Well, how am I going to get back here and get my bike?

I don't know.

Well, I'm not going to the doctor then.

Okay.

I left.

Whatever. He was "showing me" since I changed the deal.

I am sick to death of this stuff. I mean sick to death of it.

I am taking a big long break from difficult child. And it started at 2:10 this afternoon.

 

[DammitJanet]

Im so confused. what's the email for dog and beth on the hunt? I think they need to go teach how to write bonds.

 

[Echolette]

Child,

I am taking a big long break from difficult child. And it started at 2:10 this afternoon.

This is OK. This sounds authentic, and authentic is the best way we can be. A long break will be good for you, and it won't hurt him I'm sure. Take your break. Try to really really take it...try to tame your mind, put him away, only let thoughts of him come into play when you wish to...that has been one of the hardest things for me, putting away the intrusive thoughts. A break is only a break if they don't walk with you in your mind every day.

I've always liked Cedar's image of lighting a white candle. Others, maybe you, talk about visualizing your son in God's hands. I know you wrote another post about putting him in the Lord's hands...do it. Put him in the hands of another, and let go for a while.

I am sorry you went through the ringer in this way.

You did have a good summer though! You and SO decided to get married! You went to the lake! You spent a lot of time with easy child! You had some meaningful moments with difficult child, and a lot of personal growth on all fronts...and your signature says it all. Life is good. It is good.

It's a new day, a fresh day, a day uncomtaminated by difficult child drama. Put him out of your head today and breathe deep. There will be time for thinking about it, for contemplating, for crying. For now, for the weekend...just breathe deep and take care of yourself. Try to be in nature, laugh in the woods.

Hugs for your aching tired heart,

Echo