Drugs, normal teen crap and life in Limbo

[Littleboylost]

I’ve been away all week and am just catching up. I’m so sorry LBL that it has been such a roller coaster! I can’t imagine how frustrating it is dealing with sons girlfriend mom, it always makes my blood boil when those who should know better are part of the problem! Working with at risk youth and adults regularly you would think she would understand how critical it is to have boundaries and respect your wishes in this.

You do deserve this trip to Mexico! We are going in March and I can’t wait. We will be leaving the boys on their own and it does scare me to be honest. Son does not have a good track record for us being away. Two years ago we left them to go south and youngest son said older Son was drunk before we left the tarmac, and caused so much damage to our home.... holes in walls etc.... that was all him! No party even. Younger Son cleaned up most of the mess when older one passed out. Breaks my heart he had to do that. I don’t want him to go through that again. I’m considering flying my mom in as we have for so many trips. Both boys are very close to my mom, and older one especially. He wouldn’t want to upset her. She knows everything. He couldn’t fool her. I would do it as much for younger one so he wouldn’t feel responsible for his brother. I worry about anger over what has happened the last five years.... since he was 15 he has watched us stress, cry and basically fall apart at times. This is not ok. He is doing so well now and he deserves the success he is having in his forestry program. I am so proud of him.

I don’t know what I would do in your situation to be honest. Part of me thinks he would be safer in jail. You could rest easy knowing he was “safe” and in a place he couldn’t cause any more harm to himself or you.

However, I’ve been on these boards long enough to know we can never really know what’s best since we only see a sliver of your reality. Trying to explain in words is always going to be inadequate and thus I always try to see a bigger picture than is written. As parents we never want to give up on our children.... it is our nature. I know you have done absolutely everything you could for your son. Whether you decide will be the best choice for you, regardless of the outcome. We can’t control their actions. Hard lesson I have learnt to accept.

Please know you deserve the time away and hopefully whatever you decide to do is your decision, regardless of what others think you should do.

Disclaimer; I’m not saying to ignore advice! There is lots of very very good advice here! Just know that ultimately it’s your life and your decision you all have to live with the consequences .... no one else.

Hugs good friend. I wish we could meet over a coffee and I could give you a real hug.

Oh Colleen thank you so much. I have just read your update also. I have decided that if he doesn’t complete his intake while we are away I am going to rescind his bail. Actions must have consequences.

I am sick to my stomach over this girlfriend and her mom. It is revolting to me. She lets him stay over and sleep with her daughter!! That I still can’t fathom.

Well he is 18 and he is fully accountable for his actions. I can not do any more than I have for him. If he is not ready for this reality of his own making then the only option is jail.

My little monkey, but it sure as hell isnt my circus. I have enough trouble observing this all from the cheep seats.

Of course he loves to spend all his time at GFs house who wouldn’t right? Too bad for him, our house rules are the same. Sorry no girlfriend over night until such time as there is a long term significant adult relatioship this will not change. And sorry no drinking or drugging either.

 

[BusynMember]

I think this is the only way to help him. This mother/teen toxic combo are powerful foes in your fight to get your son sober.

At the same time, YOU matter, maybe more than him. Think of the airplane and oxygen mask analogy. If you are not strong enough right now to face him with finality in your voice, you can take your trip and do it after you had a break. It is flexible.

Too bad you can't turn in cops in Canada. I don't understand why you can't discuss her illegal behavior with her boss. Why can she break the law?

What a piece of work. Although I have heard of a few kids who were allowed to sleep with their boyfriends in their homes at young ages (sixteen is YOUNG), the parents were not cops and most were messed up themselves. Does this kid have a father? If not bet Mom sleeps around under her daughter's nose and no kid likes seeing Mom do that. She is the problem on this wayward train, the girl is just along for the ride and your son has a free ticket to travel with them. Ugh!

My warm thoughts are with you.

 

[Copabanana]

lbl. i support you and your decision. it is liberating and exciting for him too. imagine living in a world where there was no answer. no push back. no consequence of walking this way or that.

he is begging for this. demanding it.

i know how much you (and i) want for them. it is like peeing in the wind (with a man the imagery works better.) it almost all comes back on us.

your son is demanding to he captain of his own ship. he needs to experience fully his veering off course and perhaps crashing. he decided this.

you were generous and fair. he did not get it. i am sorry in a way. but this could not continue.

it is not the cop's fault. there are always out there people like her. it's your son. he really thinks he is able to juggle those balls, call the shots. he can't.

 

[Littleboylost]

Too bad you can't turn in cops in Canada. I don't understand why you can't discuss her illegal behavior with her boss. Why can she break the law?

SWOT you can put in a formal complaint but not anonymously. My friend who is a former cop said the evidence is not strong enough and that it would cause more grief than it would be worth. So no I will not report her. His life his choices his consequences. It’s not under my roof. And it never will be.

 

[Littleboylost]

lbl. i support you and your decision. it is liberating and exciting for him too. imagine living in a world where there was no answer. no push back. no consequence of walking this way or that.

he is begging for this. demanding it.

i know how much you (and i) want for them. it is like peeing in the wind (with a man the imagery works better.) it almost all comes back on us.

your son is demanding to he captain of his own ship. he needs to experience fully his veering off course and perhaps crashing. he decided this.

you were generous and fair. he did not get it. i am sorry in a way. but this could not continue.

it is not the cop's fault. there are always out there people like her. it's your son. he really thinks he is able to juggle those balls, call the shots. he can't.

Copa this came to mind. Insert pee for spit and mom for Jim. jim croce you don't mess around with jim - Google Search

 

[Copabanana]

lbl. i am glad for you this is coming up now. you will go on your trip free and clear. (we have laundry detergent by that name. not that.)

no other mother could have done more. if it was about that, your work, it would have worked.

now. he will have to work.