Elder Care & childrens care...guilt...choices...obligations..love..

Confused

Well-Known Member
Thats what I was going to post right now, and I saw an alert. Thank you for checking in on things. Im still NOT caring for grandpa, and I have been applying to jobs. He has actually been nice now overall over the phone and when we got some stuff from there. He says take care of what you have to, hes worried about us etc. Maybe it made him wake up? Even if he was always easy, I still have my kids issues to work on so, it was a lot to handle. As far as psychiatric doctors /Dr next week and the end of this month. His school grades have picked up a little, yes, found another school. Haven't switched because and ONLY because, if the Dr says he cant figure out the issue/ mood medications and therapy at home and office.. and Dr suggests inpatient,( is why I dont want him at new school for one or two weeks if he gets sent to inpatient) I will understand. Its a huge step for me to do this,even see this as a possibility. But, if he goes and it doesnt help, at least I tried.

Son has had some bad days, and some overall good. We been talking about his attitude his feelings and anger issues... before I say what he said, I want to further talk with him. Im not pushing him, he opened up on two things, hoping he opens up during therapy too. Deffinetely going to get him back into sports,volunteering again and some type of music lessons.( if he sits for music!!) It was hard to get him to get going to the practices because he would get lazy start playing, argue etc. But, keeping fingers crossed. This child cant be bored, he has to go go go or thats when he gets into even more trouble. ( this morning great , this afternoon is a uggh)

Daughter is now motivated for her school work,( knock on wood) I told her she needs to "catch up" then she can go ahead and graduate a little early! She likes that idea! Lets hope she keeps it in her mind!

Thank you Scent of Cedar
 

Scent of Cedar *

Well-Known Member
You have alot on your plate, but you sound strong and centered.

And very loving.

:O)

I am so happy to hear Grandpa is taking these changes well. Maybe it is easy to fall into selfishness when we are older and trapped in a world where we cannot move through our challenges easily. I am sure he feels like a better person when he can be kind to you, too.

That is a nice thing to have come out of all this. I am happy for you, and for Grandpa, too.

It took alot of courage for you to stand up to him, and to the situation like that, remember? So now, you know you have courage, and you know you are assessing your situation accurately. Those are good things to know, and that will serve you well going forward.

Good!

:)

You seem clearer and more focused where your son is concerned too.

This also makes me very happy.

Good job!!!

:hugs:

D H and I were talking to our 22 year old granddaughter once. She asked me what mattered in life. I said education. She then asked her grandfather what mattered, what was the most important thing, how could she know what to strive for in life. You know what he told her?

Independence.

A job.

A place to live that is your own.

A life where you can choose how you will live your life.

I thought that was very wise of D H.

Cedar
 

Confused

Well-Known Member
You know I wander, if( maybe when really) he does go to a hospital, how long will it take him to act up? Will he? I am watching him and trying to see anymore trigures so I can tell the Dr when we are in therapy. Its just the littlest things that set him off, as if he is mad he doesnt get his way and doesnt care what he does or says to us- irritable a lot , or is it that he really is mentally being where he cant accept things like an outing may change because of an emergency or not. I know, that's what the therapy is for! I am exhausted from his tantrums, they just wear me out so bad I cant do much after. He cant function in life like this. We cant either :( Now, he is blowing up over friends not coming ( mine or his) so, its not just targeted at us and the rest of my family. In many ways my son is really smart, esp when it comes to fixing things or figuring out whats wrong say with the toilet. I was on my second day trying to figure it out, he looked in and told me what it was, second time- different issue!! I just want him to use that part of his brain all the time!

Gpa, oh boy I am not even going to say what my aunt said! I was focused on my kids before I took in full time with gpa, but adding to the mix, my kids were ok , safe, taken care of, still getting help, but yes, less time. It was too much it really was. My son is like 3 or so kids in one sometimes, so Im busy for sure :)

I think Im ready to post on others posts, I just dont want to say the wrong thing, but I feel everything I have been through as my kids and family, I do have something to offer, at least a shoulder, other parents , esp new members might be in a similar dilemma as me, but wont say as much as I did( yes I got a big mouth and love to yap) I just want them to know how Im still pushing for my kids to be ok, and our paths takes different routes but we are all here for the same reason overall. Our kids. Nobody agrees on everything and thats ok, you all are great and you know what? Im ok too.

I think you and your husband are both right! Both amazing and unselfish answers!( growing up in a family where they told you what to grad in and who to be with- no not my dad or mom) I smiled when I saw your answers.

:hugs:
 

Scent of Cedar *

Well-Known Member
You know I wander, if( maybe when really) he does go to a hospital, how long will it take him to act up?


What happens once he is there will just be what happens while he is there. Good or bad, you both will do your best, and you will pull through it together.

If you can remember that doing the best we know is the best there is, that will help you fee more settled around this issue, I think. And if you can keep thinking and wondering and learning how best to help your son through this, that is how you will know you are doing the best for him that you know. Then, when you know you will still be keeping a part of your heart open for new information for him, let the worry of it fall away from you.

Once we have done our best, then we just get to love what's left.

That is a gift too, in a way.

Accepting that we have done everything we know, I mean. That acceptance makes it possible for us to relax into loving our people and ourselves. Knowing we have done all we can and giving ourselves credit for the hardness of it frees us somehow, too. We can be more flexible then, I think, in how we respond to the hard things.

I don't know what will happen with your son either, but I do know that you love him and that you are in his corner. In that sense, he is such a fortunate boy, who has a mother who loves him as you do.

There is a kind of awesomeness, a kind of wonder, about how much we love one another, down beneath the rotten everyday things that are happening to all of us.

I think we need to trust that this is true, and from that, know that we are enough and more than enough, for whatever our situations turn out to be.

It's scary sometimes, though.

We want so badly for everything to be alright.

I was on my second day trying to figure it out, he looked in and told me what it was, second time- different issue!! I just want him to use that part of his brain all the time!

This is a good thing, a thing in his favor.

Are there ways you can think of to help him use his talents more often, maybe changing his idea of who he is and how he responds? Our emotions are such crazy things. Take PTSD or night terrors or anxiety. Now, why would any of that help us? But there had to be a reason we evolved the way we did, so we just have to accept that they are there in us and do our best to cope. Part of that for me, part of that "How do I cope with this?!?" has been to do more of those things I do well. Then, I can get a handle on the other stuff, too.

I can regain a little sense of control, so I can remember who I am, really.

And I am more than PTSD or Anxiety Lady.

:O)

Maybe that would help your son, too? Some simple mechanical thing to put together or figure out, maybe?

Maybe, Grandpa could help you figure something out.

Two birds. One stone.

I feel everything I have been through as my kids and family, I do have something to offer, at least a shoulder, other parents , esp new members might be in a similar dilemma as me

Your comments would mean so much to other moms. You are right. We don't need to have any answers. Most of the time, there aren't any. But just to know we are not alone, that we are not the only ones, that someone else has made it through the parts that seem overwhelming inspires courage and certainty that we can do it, too.

And so, we are stronger, and we pull ourselves and our people through it.

Post away!!!

:O)

I just want them to know how Im still pushing for my kids to be ok, and our paths takes different routes but we are all here for the same reason overall. Our kids. Nobody agrees on everything and thats ok, you all are great and you know what? Im ok too.

I love this.

You are very right. You will strengthen some other mom and help some other child you don't even know yet.

And the world will be a better, kinder, saner place.

:grouphugg:

It's sort of a miracle, isn't it.

Cedar
 
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