New Leaf
Well-Known Member
Aloha Little Bird, Copa and all,
I too, have not been here in many months, so sorry for my absence, I have been very very busy as well with my granddaughter and working on the mountain. I am saddened that life has dealt you Feeling, and all of us who visit here such a difficult hand with the circumstances of our beloved adult children. If only we could turn back time and change outcomes. Alas, that is not to be and we are left with whatever coping skills we have to deal with the heartache. I am so sorry your eldest is still out there as is mine. The loss and grief is amplified around special times when those old memories come flooding in. I have had to work hard on prayer and reminding myself that my two wayward daughters are in Gods care, as it is way too much for me to deal with. I am so sorry that your middle son has continued to suffer with his condition and on top of that- cancer. What a hard journey you have traversed my dear sister. On top of that, the added burden of reinventing your teaching skills online. Sigh. I am astounded by your strength and resolve. Please know you are in my heart and prayers.
Copa, please forgive my lack of communication. I have been super focused on the upper boundaries of my jungle and have admittedly been exhausted. I don’t do too much else, covid has certainly restricted us here in the islands and like everywhere else, is raging yet again. I am sorry that your son has continued to struggle and the pain that causes your heart.
I suspect that my two have underlying issues, exacerbated with many years of meth addiction and use.
Rain is out there living in parks and whatnot, I have not seen her for quite some time. Tornado has been in and out of jail. I don’t hear from her for months, then she will call from jail. Always full of promises and requests for money. Her son will be one soon and continues to thrive under his aunties care. CWS focuses on reunification, but with the timeline as is, will pursue termination of parental rights with the upcoming court date. Tornado is presently in a 30 day rehab soon to be released to a clean and sober house, but regularly requests to “come home” and live with me. I have stuck to my resolve stoked by the fire of her last explosive exodus that drove me to find this site. I continue to say no, and it is not easy, but it is the right and sane choice.
She may have been clean for a month, but still has all of the manipulative tactics typical of an addict. I have to guard my heart. It is hard because I want so much for her to stay the course, but that is out of my control. In our recent conversation she said that she learned that “Addicts cannot be held responsible for our actions when we are using because we are under the influence”
Um, no. That’s a bit twisted to say the least. Unfortunately she has not learned to take responsibility for her poor choices. She did manage to tell me that she holds no resentment towards me and “forgives me”.
Huh.
So that’s where we are at. Of course everyone is in love with the baby and wants what is best for him. So there is that tug of worrying if he ends up back with biological mom, who has a horrible track record, and wanting her to take the steps she needs to get well.
The saga continues.
I hope for peace for all of us despite being in the challenging battles we face. May we find time to breath and meditate,
God be with you both Feeling and Copa. Please know that although I am seldom here, you are both in my heart and on my mind and I wish so much for you to find moments of joy.
Much love and aloha and as always
(((HUGS!)))
Leafy
I too, have not been here in many months, so sorry for my absence, I have been very very busy as well with my granddaughter and working on the mountain. I am saddened that life has dealt you Feeling, and all of us who visit here such a difficult hand with the circumstances of our beloved adult children. If only we could turn back time and change outcomes. Alas, that is not to be and we are left with whatever coping skills we have to deal with the heartache. I am so sorry your eldest is still out there as is mine. The loss and grief is amplified around special times when those old memories come flooding in. I have had to work hard on prayer and reminding myself that my two wayward daughters are in Gods care, as it is way too much for me to deal with. I am so sorry that your middle son has continued to suffer with his condition and on top of that- cancer. What a hard journey you have traversed my dear sister. On top of that, the added burden of reinventing your teaching skills online. Sigh. I am astounded by your strength and resolve. Please know you are in my heart and prayers.
Copa, please forgive my lack of communication. I have been super focused on the upper boundaries of my jungle and have admittedly been exhausted. I don’t do too much else, covid has certainly restricted us here in the islands and like everywhere else, is raging yet again. I am sorry that your son has continued to struggle and the pain that causes your heart.
I suspect that my two have underlying issues, exacerbated with many years of meth addiction and use.
Rain is out there living in parks and whatnot, I have not seen her for quite some time. Tornado has been in and out of jail. I don’t hear from her for months, then she will call from jail. Always full of promises and requests for money. Her son will be one soon and continues to thrive under his aunties care. CWS focuses on reunification, but with the timeline as is, will pursue termination of parental rights with the upcoming court date. Tornado is presently in a 30 day rehab soon to be released to a clean and sober house, but regularly requests to “come home” and live with me. I have stuck to my resolve stoked by the fire of her last explosive exodus that drove me to find this site. I continue to say no, and it is not easy, but it is the right and sane choice.
She may have been clean for a month, but still has all of the manipulative tactics typical of an addict. I have to guard my heart. It is hard because I want so much for her to stay the course, but that is out of my control. In our recent conversation she said that she learned that “Addicts cannot be held responsible for our actions when we are using because we are under the influence”
Um, no. That’s a bit twisted to say the least. Unfortunately she has not learned to take responsibility for her poor choices. She did manage to tell me that she holds no resentment towards me and “forgives me”.
Huh.
So that’s where we are at. Of course everyone is in love with the baby and wants what is best for him. So there is that tug of worrying if he ends up back with biological mom, who has a horrible track record, and wanting her to take the steps she needs to get well.
The saga continues.
I hope for peace for all of us despite being in the challenging battles we face. May we find time to breath and meditate,
God be with you both Feeling and Copa. Please know that although I am seldom here, you are both in my heart and on my mind and I wish so much for you to find moments of joy.
Much love and aloha and as always
(((HUGS!)))
Leafy
