Friends

[elizabrary]

I swear without my dogs I would not be able to get out of bed every morning. Many times I have literally been on the bed sobbing with all three of them sitting around me with forlorn looks on their beautiful faces. It makes me snap out of it because I do not want them to feel sad or distressed! And every time I make myself name five things I'm thankful for I always have to tell myself three of them can't be the dogs!

 

[ctmom05]

The very difficult situations that our adult "kids" become immersed in can be way beyond the comprehension of friends and family; conversation stoppers.

Our 23 year old is in prison, unsentenced, with a bond of over $1,000,000. I've learned to steer a conversation in a more positive direction if it gets stalled because folks just don't know what to say.

Saying your daughter has gone to another state is a decent way to address what she's doing - you're not obligated to share details.

Sometimes I take a moment to remind myself that conversations don't need to center around the choices that my son has made; there are lots of others things to talk about.

 

[elizabrary]

Thanks Chris- good thoughts! I'm sorry about your situation with your son. It's nice to have this place where everyone "gets" it and many times have been in similar situations and therefore have great ideas and advice.

 

[Star*]

We really didn't get very many serious inquiries - The insincere, nosey ones we got? We gave what we got.

Oh Star - How.Have.You and DF Been? (poking our arms with a finger) Gosh it's so good to see you again!!! (really? We could have gone until the end of time, never saw you again and been just fine)
Very well thanks. (no return sentiment - told you I can't do fake. It's either there or it isn't - it wasn't)
Well WE are (yakka-da yakka-da and little so and so is first in her class and yakka yaaka yakka) We smile for the kids - who are not staring off and couldn't care less that we are smiling - they are about as fake as their parents - at this point they aren't even raising them to be polite pretenders - nasty little snots.
AND HOW is Dude? Oh I bet he's so handsome - and doing well isn't he? (DF and I just stood there because this is the same woman that shrieked and made the very loud whispered announcement that she really didn't want Dude upstairs with all the 'other children' from church and could 'summmmmoneeeee' please go monitor? (in about the worst voice you've ever heard with the head movements and all) then did the low voice Mother whisper to all the other Mothers some of whom were later in this Bunco group I was asked to join. Yeah....

So when I finally plucked up the courage to answer? I swear to you the brain said "Oh he's just fine thanks" and my mouth disengaged and instead of what my brain had thought - It came out more like "Well you know he hasn't seen you that last supper at your house...he joined a ..... group or cult of some kind - you know teenagers...hahaha, dances in the moonlight, makes sacrifical offerings, has tons of tattoos and body piercings, eats chickens, and lives down South collecting snakes for a living." (then there's that dramatic pause)

But he always sends a card at Christmas.....I can't wait to tell him you asked about him. I'll have to get your address to him. I'm sure he'd love to send ya'll one.

Shut their mouth like a steel trap. Even the kids.....yeah that was classic.

DF and I walked away - barely able to not laugh until we were in the lumber department. Then all DF said was......"I bet they move."

Go ahead - ask me again with insincere sincerity how my son is, and just for good measure tell me you'll keep him in your prayers after you've just talked about him behind EVERYONES Back.

For the rest of them? I say "Just fine - doing whatever it is Dudes Do when they finally get away from the iron grip of their MOMs - and I'm sure I'm better off NOT knowing all of that."

 

[elizabrary]

OMG Star- I am dying. That is too funny! Sometimes I feel like a freak show- people are dying to hear about it. Last summer at a company picnic I was holding KK and a friend was talking about how her son was getting ready to go stay at his dad's for several weeks. This fake lady that I work with looked at me and said, "And what about this little one? Does she see her daddy?" I knew she had probably heard something, but not everything, so I decided- you wanna hear it lady, here it is. So I told her in front of everyone I told her how there was a court order against KK's abusive father and that he couldn't see her without court supervision, so although the little girl was growing up without her father it was probably all for the best. She was literally speechless, so I smiled at her and walked away with my granddaughter and my real friend.

Even before I had all these issues with my daughter I was never mean like some people are. I never deliberately asked someone a question that I knew was painful for them to answer. And I never turned my back on my friends when they had troubles. Sometimes I get so depressed when I think about how awful people. It seems like most people thrive on the misfortunes of others, and it makes me really sad.