scent of cedar
New Member
husband and I will be going home, soon. Though I think we know we need to let her fall, or let her choose this life, or...whatever the phrase would be when you. I guess the phrase I am looking for is "enable".
Yep. That is what you will say, I am sure.
What we are thinking about half the time is that we should find, kidnap, and bring daughter home to dry out. There are times when we know that is not going to work. At least, not for long. So the postings here this time will be about how to think about the situation so we go into this strong and committed to a course of action that doesn't involve rescuing someone who doesn't want to be rescued.
And how in the world can we look at ourselves in the mirror (or at each other, for that matter) knowing...I don't know. Knowing we chose not to help someone who desperately needed it. No matter how sick we are of helping to no avail, or feeling like fools for believing her, or whatever. It still really sucks to refuse to help her.
So, how is it that we should be looking at the situation with our 38 year old daughter. For those who don't already know: Last Fall, our daughter started using drugs and doing horrible things. There is a recent diagnosis of bipolar. Her children are safely away and doing well. No concerns, there. (Yes. We are fortunate in that.) She has lost everything, wasted thousands of dollars, has been in detox more than once. She continues believing the street people she started running with when this happened are her "family". She is living on the streets, and she is sick.
If we could have a discussion here about this topic, I know it will help us do what we need to without falling apart once we are back in her area, again.
I am so glad you are here. I know we should know all this. But I know too that it is going to be nearly impossible to leave it alone, or to refuse to help, once we are there.
We feel inhuman, really rotten and pathetic, when we turn her away.
A bright spot for us is that we are doing special things for our grandchildren with money that would surely have gone for difficult child. Not so much money, really. I mean little things like outfits and so on. This has helped a little. But I don't think it will be enough to keep us strong enough to resist trying to help if we see our daughter face to face ~ or hear her on the phone and know we could be there in an hour.
Cheesh. I feel sort of dorky even having to ask about this. I know what I am supposed to tell myself. I know what I am supposed to tell difficult child.
But I also know I am (we are) going to need to hear what you all will have to say.
Barbara
Yep. That is what you will say, I am sure.
What we are thinking about half the time is that we should find, kidnap, and bring daughter home to dry out. There are times when we know that is not going to work. At least, not for long. So the postings here this time will be about how to think about the situation so we go into this strong and committed to a course of action that doesn't involve rescuing someone who doesn't want to be rescued.
And how in the world can we look at ourselves in the mirror (or at each other, for that matter) knowing...I don't know. Knowing we chose not to help someone who desperately needed it. No matter how sick we are of helping to no avail, or feeling like fools for believing her, or whatever. It still really sucks to refuse to help her.
So, how is it that we should be looking at the situation with our 38 year old daughter. For those who don't already know: Last Fall, our daughter started using drugs and doing horrible things. There is a recent diagnosis of bipolar. Her children are safely away and doing well. No concerns, there. (Yes. We are fortunate in that.) She has lost everything, wasted thousands of dollars, has been in detox more than once. She continues believing the street people she started running with when this happened are her "family". She is living on the streets, and she is sick.
If we could have a discussion here about this topic, I know it will help us do what we need to without falling apart once we are back in her area, again.
I am so glad you are here. I know we should know all this. But I know too that it is going to be nearly impossible to leave it alone, or to refuse to help, once we are there.
We feel inhuman, really rotten and pathetic, when we turn her away.
A bright spot for us is that we are doing special things for our grandchildren with money that would surely have gone for difficult child. Not so much money, really. I mean little things like outfits and so on. This has helped a little. But I don't think it will be enough to keep us strong enough to resist trying to help if we see our daughter face to face ~ or hear her on the phone and know we could be there in an hour.
Cheesh. I feel sort of dorky even having to ask about this. I know what I am supposed to tell myself. I know what I am supposed to tell difficult child.
But I also know I am (we are) going to need to hear what you all will have to say.
Barbara