Oh JKF, I am so sorry for your day and how things are with your son right now. I do know how awful this is to endure, and on their birthday and holidays and special family times, the pain is exquisite. We just wanted so much more for them, at this point. And for us, with them.
I tried to encourage him and remind him that his first 20 years are now behind him and it's possible for him to make these next 20 the best of his life.
I have had that very same talk with difficult child---aspirational, let's forget about the past, today is a new day, let's go from there, there is so much forgiveness, you can start over again, right now, from this minute forward. Multiple times. It helped me, just to say the words and I have always believed them and still do. Have no idea what the effect of those words is on him, if any.
I reminded him that if he wants a relationship with us he needs to do therapy and we would even do it with him if he thought it would help.
Yes, you will walk the hard road with him. What more can we offer, JKF? He won't have to do it alone. I think you are doing what you must do right now, and how hard it is, but I am glad you talked with him today.
t also made my heart hurt that only 5 or 6 people wished him Happy Birthday on Facebook. It's like no one cares and that to me is the worst. He has no one.
You know, it is so freaking sad how reduced their lives are. To a single backpack. To a pair of very dusty Nikes. To three pairs of shorts, four boxers, four pairs of socks and three t-shirts, because there is no room to carry any more with them in a backpack.
To basically no one and nothing. They have put themselves here, we all know that, but it is still hard to watch and to know.
We, most of us here, we are so blessed by so much, even with the hard burden of our difficult children. I can't believe all that I have. SO and I were talking about that tonight, how his grandparents lived on a farm, had very little money, grew their own food, farmed, were very good and simple people. He worked all summer for them and they gave him $200 at the end of the summer and he was thrilled.
We talked about how our kids aren't like that today. They have had so much more, they expect so much more, and they don't know enough about that kind of hard work.
I don't know, JKF. I don't know the answers here. I only know that you have been there and done that, and you are working hard to walk a new way. What else can you do? I don't think anything.
This walk is so very hard, but please know that you are not alone here. We are walking it with you, praying all the way for each other and for all of our difficult children, that they will have a spiritual awakening and relinquish their solitary life, ask for help, take the help, work the help, and turn and walk in a brand new direction.
We are walking in a new direction for us, and we are creating that space and time and distance for something new to happen.
I pray that it will. Warm hugs for you. You are a true warrior Mom.