He relapsed....told me tonight!

[klmno]

That's a VERY good response, Star, in my humble opinion. My therapist taught me that we all have 2 choices (because we ALL can find a reason; aka EXCUSE to let our life go down the tubes) and those 2 choices are 1) deliver the "reason" why we can't make it, and 2) make it in spite of those 'reasons".

I don't doubt that what you say is true, DDD, but your grandson has to learn how to make it in spite of these things. Handing him the statistics isn't as encouraging as you might like for it to be. Talking about how horrible his mother was and the mistakes she made and how his Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) has caused this- while all that's true- really doesn't help him learn how to survive in spite of it.

 

[lovemysons]

Dear DDD,
Have been thinking so much about you and easy child/difficult child since reading of this latest chapter yesterday afternoon. Have also said multiple prayers for your easy child/difficult child.
My aunt told me not long ago that all you have to do is pray the word "help"...and so that is what I have done.

As you know I am way too familiar with addictions and all it's ugliness...the thievery, lies, and destructive behavior.
I understand your easy child/difficult child's "internalized pain" from abandonment issues relating to his bio dad as well. But I also firmly believe that every addict regardless of the best or worst foundations from family will find a reason to use and abuse...any pain will do. But loss is a biggy and I do understand your easy child/difficult child's losses particularly early on from his baseball sports and positive influences from the time period.

I do so hope the addiction counselor works out for yours. I keep preaching AA to my young difficult child and he is not ready for the help yet again. So apparently mine hasn't "hit bottom" yet...it is so distressing. I have one (easy child) when you google her first and last name you get this lovely "bio" from her college regarding her bowling league avg. and names of her parents and brothers and what she is studying at college etc.
When you google my young difficult child's first and last name...Sigh...you get a mugshot of young difficult child for "reckless child endangerment". What a contrast...and the come from the same set of parents in a relatively stable environment with the best that we could offer throughout their lives...and yet, here we are scratching our heads...while at the same time knowing that addiction doesn't care how much good you've thrown at the problem. The individual has to really come to grips with the fact that they are addicts/alcoholics in need of outside help/intervention before things can turn around.

I will continue to keep you, husband and easy child/difficult child in my thoughts and prayers. I will continue to ask G-d to "help" you all.
With love and care and hopes for recovery.
LMS

 

[DammitJanet]

You can just pray so hard. I will continue. As Star has always known there was a woman in NC that loved a little boy named Dude even though she had never seen him. You can know that I have always loved that little boy of yours even though I have never known his name or much more about him other than he played baseball much like my Jamie. I think thats what always drew me to him. That and they both fell on their noggins about the same time..lol. Jamie was just lucky enough to land on a bush and his back more than his head.

I have been around here a long long time and there are a few kids that I have felt a very strong bond with even though I will never know them. Just how I am.

 

[DDD]

There is a line in the sand. He has never actually made excuses for his behaviors and in fact prefers to deny that he has brain injury. In eleven years he has never mentioned baseball or his Dad's abandonment. He loves his Mom but recognizes that she is a mess up. A few times he has spoken about her in stifled anger because she stole drug money from his and drove him to pick up pot etc during the year he lived with her after he had been in three residential rehab programs! He's said "I don't understand why she didn't try to help me like you all did".

The explanations I post here are between you guys and me. I don't share those things with others except when he has been in treatment and I've spoken alone with the psychiatrists, therapists or counselors in hopes they would be able to get the full picture. Obviously they are true facts that I believe are important factors. When he was a easy child he used to wear Nike clothes and shoes that said "No Excuses". Obviously that was sports oriented. on the other hand, he really doesn't make any excuses for his choices. The "good" part is that he acknowledges that his choices are poor and avows he wants to make a future for himself learning our business. (Actually, lol, that is kind of sick as the business is so poor now that it's future is in question!)

I have to find the options that are available so he can choose a new path...or leave home and sink! Meanwhile, my long named easy child/difficult child has lost his easy child. That is significant to me and you all understand but he's never heard the term.
Thanks for caring. DDD

 

[crazymama30]

DDD, I am so sorry. Addiction is such an ugly thing, it ruins lives and rips apart families. All I can say is hugs, and I am sorry. Alcohol and pot are bad enough, but I have an extreme hatred for pills. They, to me, are beyond evil in their power.

 

[barneysmom]

DDD, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

I've read a lot about Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) lately -- I had no idea what an impact it has on the rest of a person's life, personality etc. -- the utter seriousness of it.
I was thinking along the lines of what Janet said -- wondering if he can access any more Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) resources. Just thinking out loud -- you don't have to answer.

Hugs hugs
Jo

 

[DDD]

Yes, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)'s are complex. They symptoms vary all over the place and we are very lucky that he has been spared the worst of it. That's what makes it hard to deal with. He does not appear impaired...and in fact not only does he "present" well alot of the time he actually functions quite well part of the time. If he ever can get into recovery mode form his alcoholism he likely could function pretty well on a day to day basis. on the other hand he can only self-monitor in some areas and when not living at home (and with-o structure) he reverts to early teen impulsive behaviors. These past ten days or so have only included one night of boozing. That's a record for him. I think he scared himself when he stepped over the boundaries by taking pills again and in particular taking my jewelry. Those are choices that he sees as BAD and unexcusable. I'm grateful that he didn't make excuses and is trying his hardest to improve.

Years and years ago when I was dealing with GFGmom's childhood behaviors I thought to myself one night "it really would be easier if she was devlopmentally delayed (then, of course, called retarded) because then others would recognize that she had a problem and treat her as such. Instead she was cute as a button, appeared normal in short doses on good days, and therefore she was perceived to be different kinds of "bad".

There are no treatments for difficult child#1 according to multiple experts in various fields of specialty. He just has to do his best to compensate for his weaknesses due to the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). I still hope for the best...and stay ready for the worst. Not the life I envisioned for us. Thanks for the support. It really helps. DDD

 

[hearts and roses]

{{{DDD}}} I'm so sorry for coming into this so late. I only pop in on PE occasionally and missed this.

I cried when I read your post and then again when I read Janet's loving offer. I don't have any words of advice, you're one of the wisest parents on here I know. All I can do is offer hope and prayers that he finds a way. Gentle hugs~