Heartbroken
- Thread starter Heavy hearted
- Start date
Heavy hearted
Member
Beta,
your feelings are absolutely normal! My son still hasn't texted me. i don't know how is or where he is. I HAD to turn this over to God. I am finally able to close my eyes at night and actually sleep some at night. I ask God to watch over, nourish and keep my son safe from all harm. As you read some of these post, you will realize there are many parents that are going through a lot more than we are. We will hang in there together. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Heavy Hearted
your feelings are absolutely normal! My son still hasn't texted me. i don't know how is or where he is. I HAD to turn this over to God. I am finally able to close my eyes at night and actually sleep some at night. I ask God to watch over, nourish and keep my son safe from all harm. As you read some of these post, you will realize there are many parents that are going through a lot more than we are. We will hang in there together. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Heavy Hearted
Lil
Well-Known Member
Heavy Hearted, I just finished reading this thread and I have to say I think you did do the right thing. I should have done it sooner.
We ended up putting our son our at 19. He was stealing from us. He didn't even have the excuse of addiction, though alcohol and pot was a large part of it I'm sure, maybe even harder drugs, but not true addiction. But I will admit, I enabled him. Even when he was living in our towns shelter, I took him food and occasionally gave him money. We even rented him a terrible little apartment for a time. Eventually though, after many ups and downs, he went to another state and I could no longer send him money once his ID expired. He had to fend for himself and guess what? He did. He's doing much better these days.
When our son was still here though, he would text or call and beg for money or for a ride or whatever. Funny thing was, if we'd say, "We can't do it now, but if you really need a ride, we'll be there in 3 hours" he'd find a ride long before that. If your son has no money, he needs to find a job. If he has no home, he needs to find a shelter or crash on one of his friend's couches. If he wants food, there are food pantries and soup kitchens and churches. At least he has a car to sleep in. That's more than my son had when we put him out. He could give his friends rides in exchange for gas money for his car. He needs to call his probation officer and tell them his new situation and that he has no money to get there and see what they say. He can figure it out.
I know what this is like. The "how can I eat when my son is hungry" and "how can I sleep in this nice house when he's out there in the cold" feelings. He's your son. He's your baby boy. Except he's NOT a baby. He is a grown man and more resourceful than you know.
I used to text my son, "You are an adult. I'm sure you can figure this out." He HATED it. But it was true, which was probably why he hated it.
Hang in there.
We ended up putting our son our at 19. He was stealing from us. He didn't even have the excuse of addiction, though alcohol and pot was a large part of it I'm sure, maybe even harder drugs, but not true addiction. But I will admit, I enabled him. Even when he was living in our towns shelter, I took him food and occasionally gave him money. We even rented him a terrible little apartment for a time. Eventually though, after many ups and downs, he went to another state and I could no longer send him money once his ID expired. He had to fend for himself and guess what? He did. He's doing much better these days.
When our son was still here though, he would text or call and beg for money or for a ride or whatever. Funny thing was, if we'd say, "We can't do it now, but if you really need a ride, we'll be there in 3 hours" he'd find a ride long before that. If your son has no money, he needs to find a job. If he has no home, he needs to find a shelter or crash on one of his friend's couches. If he wants food, there are food pantries and soup kitchens and churches. At least he has a car to sleep in. That's more than my son had when we put him out. He could give his friends rides in exchange for gas money for his car. He needs to call his probation officer and tell them his new situation and that he has no money to get there and see what they say. He can figure it out.
I know what this is like. The "how can I eat when my son is hungry" and "how can I sleep in this nice house when he's out there in the cold" feelings. He's your son. He's your baby boy. Except he's NOT a baby. He is a grown man and more resourceful than you know.
I used to text my son, "You are an adult. I'm sure you can figure this out." He HATED it. But it was true, which was probably why he hated it.
Hang in there.
Heavy hearted
Member
Bless you Lil! I will repeat, this had been by far the hardest thing I've ever done! He had a job, but not sure if he had the gas money to get to and from. When he was working before, told my son repeatedly ......you need to save your money for probation and fines .....instead he would travel to see friends, girlfriend, etc. I did give him gas money weekly as long as he was attending GED classes. Then when he stopped going to GED classes that gas money stopped. He still just didn't get it. No job, no money. I have come to accept our decision, but the worry is still there. He doesn't have a lot of so called "street sense." We live in a small town on the outskirts of a large city. The city is where most of the shelters and food pantries are, but I think that would be his last resort. His pride will make that his last resort. Anyway, My husband and I are still working through all this together. God Bless!
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
If he is hungry, he will forget his pride and trust me he is not as naive as you think. He will get better in the street smarts department. The grimness may even push him into being productive. If it doesn't, then he doesn't find the streets as bad as you do. He is able bodied and can find work, or else maybe he isnt so unhappy on the streets. He has choices, the same as everyone. He has to do what he wants to do for his life.
Our kids can be very different in their thinking. And we can't force them to think like us. It can be frustrating!
Our kids can be very different in their thinking. And we can't force them to think like us. It can be frustrating!
