Hello

[RN0441]

Ah it does take one's mind off our problems though doesn't it...by focusing on this pandemic.

I, for one, do not have the energy so will keep on truckin'.

 

[Nandina]

I agree that the media tend to overblow many crisis events, but in this case I am grateful for the information from the experts who regularly appear on the news because, as Copa said, we hadn’t been getting the full story and in many cases I believe we still aren’t.

Listen to the experts—not the pundits, not the talking heads on cable TV and please—not the politicians—several of whom have now been exposed to the virus and have self-quarantined.

Listen to experts like Dr. Anthony Fauci, a very highly regarded immunologist, head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. He is not political; having worked in several administrations. He’s just plain smart. He appears regularly on TV and is usually present at every press conference involving the administration addressing the virus. And he is highly educated on this virus and virology in general. My greatest fear is that they will shut him up. Talk about political.

He just said today that this virus is 10 times as lethal as the flu. We already know It is spreading like wildfire. Look at how the numbers are multiplying exponentially. You can’t really compare it to the flu in terms of recovery or who will get sick. There are vaccines and medications for influenza—there is nothing for coronavirus, and we’re at least a year to a year and a half away from a vaccine.

And feel free to check me on this, but please understand that just because you feel fine, don’t have risk factors, etc., does not mean you can’t still carry the virus and pass it on to others. You can. That is what is so insidious about it. You can be perfectly fine, be carrying the virus and pass it on without knowing it to someone who perhaps does have a compromised immune system or is elderly and becomes ill from it.

The media is not causing governments to quarantine parts of cities, as is being done in New York City right now. Nor is the media responsible for canceling major events all over the country, also happening now. This is planning on the part of state and local governments whose administrators understand public health and the effect this virus has on large populations of folks in close proximity to one another. You need only to look at the recent cruise ship situation to understand this virus’ reach and how rapidly it spreads.

I don’t mean to be an alarmist. I just want to be educated on it. I don’t think it’s a political ploy on the part of one political party. What makes it political is when information is withheld to make the “numbers look better,” or when top health officials who have years of public health experience under their belts and know exactly what is happening and what will come, are shoved aside or their positions replaced when they tell the truth.

 

[Copabanana]

You can’t really compare it to the flu in terms of recovery or who will get sick.

I have a dear friend much younger than am I. I am in one of the age cohorts most at-risk. My friend is 40 years younger. She is sanguine and she says she knows nobody who is doing or thinking anything differently in regards to Coronavirus. She lives in the sophisticated and liberal metropolis a couple of hours from me, a place where I am from. I don't know why I'm writing that, but it seems like how we perceive what is happening is colored by our viewpoints and demographics. I wish that wasn't true.

I was thinking very cynically this afternoon. The mortality rate is 8 percent of people in my age group. These are the people who receive social security and Medicare. If 8 percent of that cohort were to die, the crisis in funding these programs would be eliminated. What a horrible thing to think of. Not only do I not think I am expendable, over all I don't think I'm a burden. I think of myself as a contributor. And even if I were a burden, I would hope to not be expendable.

I hope there comes about a consciousness is our society of "we," of our responsibility to others, even if we're safe and protected and we perceive ourselves as invulnerable. The reality is that one day, sooner or later, in one way or another, it or they will come for us.

 

[Nandina]

Absolutely, Copa. I had some of the same thoughts. So it’s only elderly people who get the coronavirus they say? (And I am over 60 too!) Aside from us, aren’t those folks our parents, grandparents and friends? An 80% recovery rate still leaves 20% of affected populations at risk. That’s a lot of (elderly) people!

 

[200Meters]

We are probably going to postpone our trip to Israel

Yeah, .

I understand completely. The tourism industry here, which is such a big part of Israel's economy, is reeling. Last night, the Health Ministry announced a 100-person limit on public gatherings. Now event halls and hotels that have facilities for hosting weddings are reeling. Israeli weddings tend to be big. We are invited to a wedding next week. We are waiting to be disinvited; I imagine that only family will now be invited.

This whole thing seems so surreal right now

Yup.

My son said that Corona beer sales have gone down.

The stuff flew off the shelves here during our Purim holiday earlier this week.

200Meters--if we don't go to Israel in April/May as planned, what other times of the year would be good to come? What are the worst times, weather wise, to come?

The summer can be hellishly hot. Autumn is good, after our holidays, which run this year from Sept. 18-October 10. Don't come during those. The whole country grinds to a halt and national parks will be mobbed, especially from October 3-10. After October 11 would be good, but not too much after because it will start raining. (It only rains in the winter here.)

As a rule, I scorn conspiracy theories of any kind. We had so many of them here, ferinstance, after Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin was assassinated. About China & the Coronavirus conspiracy theories, try this article. The question one must ask about any conspiracy theory is: Who is articulating it?

Our big news is...the Jerusalem District Court ruled on Youngest's appeal. (The presiding judge is obviously trying to clear her desk ahead of Bibi's trial, which is due to begin next week.) His actual prison time has been reduced from 12 months to 8, with the time he spent in remand (but not under house arrest either with Oldest or with us) being deducted. His post-release probation has been reduced to four months.

When will he be released? We don't know yet, soonish, maybe after Passover (April 8-15). What will be the conditions of his parole? We don't know that either.

How do I feel about this. I don't know that either. I mean, on one level, no parent wants to see his/her kid sporting an orange jumpsuit & leg irons but on another level, I am not sure that being incarcerated has any effect on him beyond simple cause-and-effect. To borrow a rather non-Jewish metaphor, I don't think he has had his Saul-on-the-road-to-Damascus moment. But on yet another level (there are lots of levels here), I really doubt that his continued incarceration would necessarily facilitate his having such a moment. The PD has made it clear to him that if he effs up again, he will have the book thrown at him. Does Youngest have a clue as to what he wants to do with his life, post-release? No. This is all new to him and us. We'll see. I will, of course, keep everyone posted.

We're off to see him at 07:45 tomorrow morning.

And, Israel is up to 100 confirmed Coronavirus cases. The Prison Service Jerusalem remand facility is closed & everyone there (guards & remandees) are under quarantine. Also, a guard at a remand facility where Youngest was held a while back is under quarantine.

 

[200Meters]

Youngest just phoned and said that he was told that he will be released on Monday, 23 March, i.e. in a week-and-a-half.

 

[RN0441]

Personally I'm happy that Tom and Rita Hanks have it. Not happy they are sick but you know what I mean....They are quarantined in Australia.

He is most loved by America and to me has put a face on this virus. He and his wife are calm and plan to stay in quarantine as long as is necessary.

I do hope he stays in the news. I think he will have a calming effect on this virus worldwide.

200 Meters is your son coming home to live with you when he is released? What is the plan?

 

[louise2350]

I thought this virus was just blown out of proportion but don't think that anymore. There has been one case in my town that has been reported having this virus. They have closed down the colleges in my state and have cancelled lots of events. I am now taking this virus more seriously. I hope all of you stay well and be careful.

 

[200Meters]

200 Meters is your son coming home to live with you when he is released? What is the plan?

1) Probably, at least at first; he has nowhere else to go.

2) Um...

Hotels are shutting down all over the country; many of their employees are being fired or lad off.

 

[Nomad]

I bought a little extra water, toilet paper, paper towels , Tylenol , hand soap , Imodium and frozen TV dinners. If necessary...a healthy friend or relative could always shop for you and drop stuff off a few feet from your door. I’m not overly worried and I am over sixty with more than one underlying health condition. I am avoiding very crowded places, washing my hands a lot ...but most things I’m keeping the same routine. I’m taking it seriously...but trying to keep calm. I’m not by any means panicked.

We just got a new puppy, so staying home is extra fun!

 

[BusynMember1]

I am not one to take silly risks, but I don't know if the experts on TV all agree with each other. I will take the recommended precautions,Often but I am not sure what's going on. Scientists and doctors can disagree. And often do. I am not a mistrustful person, but I am cautious and take all views into account. Then I look around to see what is going on in my neck of the woods.

I do not blame Trump for this...I don't like him, but nobody knew or knows what to do. Not anywhere. And for me the head of state speaking to us about a medical issue doesn't soothe me. I will talk with my doctor next time I go. She always keeps up with things and I trust her as much as anyone. I just had eye surgery on one eye and am due to have it done on the other eye soon, but it wouldn't shock me if that got canceled.

Either way, I have to see that doctor so I will go downstairs and talk to my doctor of twenty years who always kept me healthy. Guess I will have to make an appointment, but I will.

I never turn on the three major news channels. Don't want to hear them. Don't trust any of them. If I hear news it is from the local channel that I listen to in the morning before work to find out the weather.

Blessings and be well.

 

[RN0441]

I haven't stocked up on anything but we are in Alabama and no cases here...yet.

We were just at Sam's and it was business as usual.

I feel safe for now. I just took my afternoon walk and it is 70 and sunny in Mobile and a lot of conventions going on so lots of visitors. It's another world here I guess so hard to get too caught up in it.

Not fond of news either.

 

[BusynMember1]

Nothing was going on where I live. Then we had a few random cases and now the stores are empty of TP and hand sanitizer. The people I know personally are calm but obviously, if store shelves are empty, there is panic in some people.

Some things are happening that remind me something is going on, such as no longer allowing large gatherings in our town and the NBA no longer there. We love to watch basketball. Some are recommending not attending church. I am going to attend. We have no cases near us and I do not feel unsafe. My husband and I are wondering if we will have to modify the work environment in our business. We have plans just in case. We are not that big and the employees mostly can work from home for a while. Ugh. Schools are being shut down after spring break. Glad my kids are grown. But the grands? They are too young to have no sitter...I guess Jaden's sitter would work.

The world went crazy.it did not happen during SARS or Ebola.

Sorry to go off topic. I think I needed to vent. In the end, our family is adaptable and will find a way to change our normal for now. Do I think there is overreaction?

I won't answer. It is what is it. Like Kay. Can't change what is going on. Can't change Kay or how Coronavirus is being handled.

RN, I hope it stays peaceful in Alabama. I truly hope all of us stay calm and adjust to anything we need to change in our routines. It does no good to be angry. Or to worry.

I have Al Anon tonight. We are going to attend.

Love to all of you.

 

[Copabanana]

Do I think there is overreaction?

In my view and overreaction serves us because it slows down the speed that the disease progresses, thereby not so severely impacting hospitals. By social distancing, maybe we can flatten the curve. One great fear is that there are not the ventilators and ICU facilities necessary for all of the ill. Even if fifty percent to two thirds of the population gets this, as many are predicting, it matters greatly whether we all get it once of staggered over time.

I hope we are over-reacting! But we should not, not act. Identifying those infected and "canceling everything" in my view, is an urgent necessity.

 

[Nandina]

Hey Everyone, You may not be aware that Deni D started a new coronavirus thread in The Watercooler so as not to hijack 200Meters’ thread about his son, which this (“Hello”) actually is. Should we be posting over there from now on? I saw her post early this a.m. and don’t think anyone has responded yet.

 

[200Meters]

Hey Everyone, You may not be aware that Deni D started a new coronavirus thread in The Watercooler so as not to hijack 200Meters’ thread about his son, which this (“Hello”) actually is. Should we be posting over there from now on? I saw her post early this a.m. and don’t think anyone has responded yet.

Thanks.

Youngest is due to be released one week from tomorrow. I called the Ministry of Labor's Prisoner Rehabilitation Authority and, as requested, left a message asking for someone to call us and please explain just what it is the Authority does & how it could help. Not that I'm optimistic. Youngest is amazingly mule-headed (no offense to mules) and has rebuffed all attempts to get him interested in any organized rehab.

 

[200Meters]

Given that many government employees are now working from home, I also emailed the Prisoner Rehabilitation Authority.

Oldest is also on our minds. Oldest and his Ladyfriend are really not making any forward progress. We and Ladyfriend's family (Mom and brothers) have been helping them very substantially. Mrs. 200Meters & I have been paying their rent, utilities and local rate (property tax). Their current rental contract expires in July and we simply cannot afford to continue the current arrangement. The idea was that Oldest & Ladyfriend would work & send us money to cover some of their expenses. That has never materialized. Oldest seems to be chronically unable to either find and / or hold a job. Bad luck seems to follow him. To be honest, some of his employment troubles are not of his own making. He had one good job at a bourekas and sambusak bakery but then the owner sold the place and the new owner brought in new workers. Then he found a job at a juice bar but that lasted one day after he had the nerve to make a particular customer's drink request to order, which the owner did not like. But even when he was working, we never saw any money. His appetites far exceed the condition of his teeth, figuratively speaking. And then there was the mater of our pilfered credit card numbers. Well, the coal car is about to be unhitched from the gravy train, permanently. As I said, Mrs. 200Meters simply cannot afford it any more. We are tentatively planning to go see them this coming Shabbat (the Sabbath, from sunset Friday to nightfall Saturday). This will be a hard visit. Mrs. 200Meters & I simply cannot pretend anymore that everything will work out and that it will all be OK. Everything may work out & it just might all turn out OK but Mrs. 200Meters and I can no longer afford to subsidize the wait.

What I am trying to steel myself against is the realization that we have two crushing disappointments (I hesitate to use the word "failures" but I am really tempted to) as sons. What the eff happened to our dreams way back when we were just thinking about starting a family? How did they go so sour?

 

[Helpless29]

Hi!


Let's see here...


I am 55 (for another few weeks). My wife & I of 30 (amazing & wonderful) years have two sons, 22 & 18. Both of our boys are adopted (public & closed; that's how it is here, private adoption is illegal). They are not biological siblings. We received our oldest when he was 4 months & our youngest at a wee 2.5 weeks. Our oldest has ADD & our youngest has ADHD and was also diagnosed with ODD.


Oldest received a barebones high school diploma and did two years compulsory service in the army. The two years were not easy for him but he did it. He is now living with his girlfriend and working (in a restaurant & a bakery). Both my wife & I and his girlfriend's family are helping them. They live about 1.5 hours' drive away. That he does not live in the metropolitan area where he grew up is a good thing and has helped him to make a fresh start. Oldest had / has his issues but he seems to be on the right track.


Youngest is why I'm here. He bounced around 5 schools from 3rd grade on before dropping out of the educational system altogether when he was (nominally) in 10th grade. He has no high school diploma of any kind. He became very adept at finding out where the cracks in the system were & then falling in between them. He learned how to do just enough at school to be sent home and did this repeatedly before dropping out altogether. My wife and I gave up on trying to find schools for him as he made it abundantly clear (by getting sent home repeatedly until he was expelled or asked to leave) that he would not fit himself into any educational / vocational track. He also blew off the military & says that he has been dismissed from compulsory service (which is not that difficult) although we have yet to see any documentation to this effect. As a juvenile, he had several run-ins with the law and saw the law enforcement system as one more system to be played to his advantage (like the military). Several of these run-ins involved minor drug possession (marijuana). In one run-in, he was suspected of breaking into a local house-of-worship in order to steal the charity change. He also broke into a friend's apartment and stole money from her. He would stay at our suburban apartment, or not, as it suited him. (He turned 18 this past November.) After one run-in, we agreed that he stay at home under house arrest. That meant that either my wife or I had to be with him 24/7 and he was not allowed off the premises. It also meant police stopping by 2-3 times a day, including in the wee hours to make sure he was actually there. Our dogs loved the wee hour part (not). This was for 1.5 weeks. (Luckily, I can work from home if I have to.) We told him at the time that this was a one-off and that if he f*%&ed up again, we would not do this again. He got off with a slap-on-the-wrist. Played the system, yet again.


Eventually his luck ran out. Undercover police showed up at our apartment with a search warrant and an arrest warrant. The police have Youngest on camera breaking into a house-of-worship & they caught him with articles he stole from an apartment that he broke into. This was 4 weeks ago. Youngest was held in the local remand center for a while & is now being held in the remand wing of a large prison about 1 hour's drive away. At first, after being arrested, he was all anger, venom & non-cooperation. The welfare officer whom we met with said that if he kept that up he was likely going to prison. At our previous court hearing, the judge kind of read him the riot act and said that while there were many people who wanted to help him, he had to open up, want to be helped & allow himself to be helped. He has since become more cooperative (ferinstance he waived secrecy on his juvenile records).


House arrest at home is not even an option as the police do not want Youngest back in our suburb & his public defender is not contesting this.


My wife & I, and Oldest, went to see him this past Friday. We went in with other prisoners'/remandees' families and spoke with Youngest via a closed circuit phone through a reinforced glass partition, just like you see in the movies. This was hard. It was heart-rending.


We are due back in court on Wednesday morning. Oldest & his girlfriend want Youngest under house arrest with them, at least for the interim period that Youngest is now in, until the court figures out what to do with him. (About that, everyone – the pd, us, the welfare officer & the judge – agree that Youngest needs help, guidance, therapy, etc. There are all sorts of options. We will have to be patient.) My wife and I were originally unkeen on the idea bit after seeing Youngest in the hoosegow (he has lost 4 kilos, which he really doesn't have to lose), we changed our minds. Oldest & his girlfriend met with the welfare officer but that didn't go so well. We are guessing that the welfare officer will recommend against the idea & then it will depend on what the pd can persuade the judge to do.


Youngest appears to be at the stage where he realizes that he has much to lose and nothing to gain by not cooperating. He doesn't seem to be at the fully repentant stage but it's a start.


Did I say that my wife and I are as depressed as hell?


(My brother's two kids, who are Youngest's age, have just started college. SIGH)


The local free weekly newspaper had an article about the case 2 weeks ago. The headline was something like "POLICE CATCH HOUSE-OF-WORSHIP BREAKER-INNER". There were no names but some of Youngest's friends in the neighborhood are aware that it's Youngest. I imagine some of our neighbors also know but luckily nobody has said anything.


We spoke with the clergyman at our house-of-worship and asked him to contact the clergyman at the house-of-worship that Youngest broke into and say that we, the parents of said burglar/thief, feel awful (that's putting it mildly) and would like to make a donation to his house-of-worship. We have no idea how much Youngest stole.


My wife and I feel so ashamed. This sucks all the energy out of you. I remember an old Peanuts cartoon where Linus asks Charlie Brown if he ever feels that life has passed him by. Charlie Brown replies that he rather feels that life has knocked him down and walked all over him. That's about right.


I, for one, am not beating myself up and wondering where we went wrong. We didn't. Youngest has no one to blame for this but himself and the sooner he realizes that the sooner he will be on his way back.


So, that's us, more or less.

Why "200Meters"? Because 200 meters is (roughly) the boundary between light and darkness in the open sea. I have this recurring vision where I'm treading water at that boundary. I can see the light above me but know that I'll never reach it. Below me is the abyss. I keep treading water and just manage not to sink into the abyss and be crushed.

200Meters

I am so sorry you are going through this. My son is 17 teen & I had lots of similar problems with him & like your son has not finished school & knows how to work the system, but his luck has run out, he is right now in juvenile detention( not his first time) & his next court dates is March 27th will determine his faith & how much time he will serve. He has many aggravated battery charges, robbery , also got a Felony pushing a officer while resisting arrest etc . We will be asking judge if he can go to a residential program called Teen Challenge, not sure if he will agree . I read here before it’s like grieving a child , cuz we feel like we lost them. I hope your situation gets better & I will be praying for you. I know how you feel, you are not alone.please keep us updated. I wish I could give you some advice, but like you I am here looking for answers & hope. I always wonder where things went wrong , what I could of done differently which makes me more depressed. Just know you are not alone, we are all fighting these battles together

 

[Copabanana]

What I am trying to steel myself against is the realization that we have two crushing disappointments (I hesitate to use the word "failures" but I am really tempted to) as sons. What the eff happened to our dreams way back when we were just thinking about starting a family? How did they go so sour?

Dear 200Meters: I am playing hooky from my online meditation group but wanted to very quickly respond to you. (My quote thing is broken AGAIN.)

You know that we are all in this space sometimes and fortunately we do not crash down here at the same time!

That said: This is one moment in time. And unfortunately both of your boys are floundering at the same time. That's not an accident. My son is also adopted. I believed we had had a marvelous relationship and that through my love he had flourished, or at least compensated for his difficult beginnings and multiple challenges. I wrote a happier ever after story.

Life is not like that. It is not a story. It's a creation, from day to day. And there are seldom miracles that completely overcome and override our true histories. Is this not the fundamental lesson of our High Holy Days? That we must live from our true lives and our true collective history, and with that, in this place, we find our redemption, each other and Hashem?

Adoption for our boys is a true thing. No matter the love we find with our children, and the love and protection and sustenance we give and share and create, their true lives, they must and do experience. And even in the best of circumstances their true lives involved some kind of abandonment and even betrayal that they must make sense of and overcome.

Their genetic heritage still exists, despite our love for them and theirs for us. I am not speaking here in a deterministic sense. I am speaking in an experiential sense. Their genetic heritage different from ours, must be made sense of and integrated. So to assimilate and accommodate their real lives, their task is to make sense of 3 or 4 parental lines. (I am a single parent.) This is no walk in the park. Whether influences are genetic, epigenetic, cultural, racial, familial, spiritual it takes work. Spiritual work. It's NOT Abra Cadrabra.

Our challenge is to NOT fall into a spiritual abyss. I will say what I think for me. Finally, I have separated my spiritual sense from my son's condition. I can now work every day, and hopefully every minute remember to connect to the one thing that is really TRUE for me. With this has come awareness and acceptance that my son's condition is HIS, to make sense of and to live from. Love.

 

[Triedntrue]

2000 meters i am sorry to hear about your troubles. First of all you have done more than any child has a right to expect financially. Most of us have. Recently i talked about doing this for my son who is older. We think we are helping but deep down I know I am not. I too wonder where i went wrong but those who love me tell me it's not my fault. We both need to tell ourselves and believe what someone on here has said. We did the best we could with what we knew at the time. We have all done our best. I don't know what it is about our Difficult Child that makes it so much more difficult for them to learn. As a retired teacher i can tell you that children learn in their own ways and i believe there is a biological or genetic element involved. I wish that we were given a guide book written just for our children but we are not. At some point they have to figure it out for themselves. I pray that each of us will see them become independent in a good way. In the meantime we as much as possible have to live our own lives.