Quick recap- daughter, 28, out of rehab (2nd time) for a month for heroin use. Has been mostly unemployed throughout her 20s. After first time in rehab we found her a room to rent within walking distance of a job she found and paid first three months rent, at which point she left the place a trash heap and took off pregnant to Florida. During this last stint of drug use ( back from Florida) she broke into our home twice and stole from us, has lied and used us so many times. We have since installed a security system and secured a restraining order. Her infant son was placed in foster care when she admitted herself for detox. She blames us for not taking the baby ( we are retired and in our 60s). And we did not want to put ourselves in the midst of the situation.
Through the help of this site and my therapist I think I have finally achieved detachment, and have kept her blocked on my phone for several months. But she texted my husband yesterday. She is living in a trailer park ( don’t know who she’s with) an hour away. She has a court date in June to see if she can regain custody of the baby, and says she has to get to a meeting with CYS near here this week, and wants us to wire her money to fill her gas tank. Despite our suggestions to go into sober living near public transportation, she is apparently located two miles from a bus stop. She hasn’t found a job bcz (she claims) she can’t get to the interviews. We live in a metro area. If she can get to the bus, she can then rent the trains and for $9.00 get a ticket to get to her meeting. My plan was to wire her the money, then meet her at the station at this end. If she showed up I would give her money for the return trip.
But in the course of the back and forth she threw up so many reasons why none of this would work, and if I would just send her gas money her problems would be solved and she could Make a new life for herself, and she’s trying her hardest, and her father and I are going to let it all go just for the cost of a tank of gas, etc, etc. ( a very old refrain) I finally gave up, suggested she set up a FaceTime meeting with CYS, and blocked her again. So she sent her dad a text saying, “You’re f****** me more and more!!*
I don’t know why I thought she would heed any of my suggestions. CYS is also requiring her to get IOP but she claims her insurance won’t cover it and she has no transportation anyway. I tried to explain that the requirements (IOP, a job) are to help HER to feel better and live a stable life. But I guess I am wasting my breath. All she has are reasons why nothing I say will work. Her problems are too big for me.
Sorry this is long but I needed to vent.
Through the help of this site and my therapist I think I have finally achieved detachment, and have kept her blocked on my phone for several months. But she texted my husband yesterday. She is living in a trailer park ( don’t know who she’s with) an hour away. She has a court date in June to see if she can regain custody of the baby, and says she has to get to a meeting with CYS near here this week, and wants us to wire her money to fill her gas tank. Despite our suggestions to go into sober living near public transportation, she is apparently located two miles from a bus stop. She hasn’t found a job bcz (she claims) she can’t get to the interviews. We live in a metro area. If she can get to the bus, she can then rent the trains and for $9.00 get a ticket to get to her meeting. My plan was to wire her the money, then meet her at the station at this end. If she showed up I would give her money for the return trip.
But in the course of the back and forth she threw up so many reasons why none of this would work, and if I would just send her gas money her problems would be solved and she could Make a new life for herself, and she’s trying her hardest, and her father and I are going to let it all go just for the cost of a tank of gas, etc, etc. ( a very old refrain) I finally gave up, suggested she set up a FaceTime meeting with CYS, and blocked her again. So she sent her dad a text saying, “You’re f****** me more and more!!*
I don’t know why I thought she would heed any of my suggestions. CYS is also requiring her to get IOP but she claims her insurance won’t cover it and she has no transportation anyway. I tried to explain that the requirements (IOP, a job) are to help HER to feel better and live a stable life. But I guess I am wasting my breath. All she has are reasons why nothing I say will work. Her problems are too big for me.
Sorry this is long but I needed to vent.