I wonder if this will help you Lil......I used to do that a lot myself, and just didn't understand why all of my nuggets of wisdom and sage advice was met with resentment or just plain ignored. There was even one weekend early on, when he panicked about being way behind in a self-paced online college class and therefore on the verge of failing it (and once again wasting MY money), I spent the whole weekend helping him race through the chapters of his book helping him look up answers on the online quizzes. When we were finished, instead of a hug and a thank-you, I got a very sarcastic "Thanks for doing my homework for me, mom." I was so hurt. I just couldn't understand it. Later, from other things he told me and things that I read, I had the lightbulb moment. When we do things for them that they should do for themselves, and when we constantly remind them to do simple things that they should remember themselves, like leave for work early when it rains (or because you just moved farther away), get to work on time, pay your rent, take an umbrella, etc., it sounds to them like "tie your shoes, don't forget your lunch (or your lunch money), do your homework, wear a jacket" etc, from when they were in elementary school, and it therefore sounds to them like a HUGE vote of "no-confidence". It hurts their ego, tells them that you don't really think that they can do anything on their own, and actually hurts their chances of success. They may start to agree with you in their minds and also think they can't, therefore over-relying on you and continuing to call you first when they have a problem instead of first trying to figure out a solution for themselves. We'd be better off just being a cheerleader (I know you can do this, you're a smart guy, you'll figure it out, etc) and keeping the constant advice to ourselves. They'll figure it out after a few "ouchies", like when the electricity is turned off because they didn't pay the bill and they have to take a cold shower....things like that. We just would prefer they not have to learn that the hard way. It seems to be so unnecessary. But unfortunately they often do. We try to continue to prop them up, Ike running after a toddler who's just learning to walk, moving furniture out of the way so they don't fall, telling them to "watch out", "be careful", "don't hit your head". It makes them think that you think that they aren't competent or are still a baby. Now the conversations go more like this: Him: "Mom, I got written up at work today because I was late (because ya da ya da.....fill in something here that wasn't his fault of course, and/or something he hopes that I will volunteer to fix for him)." Me: "Oh bummer. So what do you think you can do to make sure you get to work on time? I'm sure you can figure something out." Him: "Mom, it's freezing cold today." Me: "Yes it is, isn't it?" (Not "so don't forget to wear a coat", or "do you need gloves?" Because I changed my assumption to be that he is smart enough to figure that stuff out if I allow him the space to do so) If we allow them the space to get to work on time without being reminded to, or assisted to, it actually builds their confidence over time that they can actually be an adult and figure this stuff out on their own. But that can never happen if we don't back up and let them do it. If we think about it from that standpoint, I think we would all prefer our difficult child to think, "Wow, look at me, I'm actually doing this. I got to work on time even though it was cold and raining. I can do hard things." Instead of thinking, "Wow, thank God my mom reminded me to get to work on time. I would be lost without her," or "Thank God my mom told me to use my umbrella. I'm so stupid that I would have caught pneumonia and died if it weren't for her parental wisdom." Of course some of that was tongue-in-cheek, but you get the point.