Oh forget to mention. His private psychiatrist is on vacation and I wouldn't see him till 11/22.
And I got reprimanded by the psychiatric hospital. They say I never tried to solve the issue before I call in to say I m bringing him in
huh??? you are not supposed to be SAFE??? wow, Crystal are there other hospitals there? We have like, well I dont know all of them but can count 6 off the top of my head that take adolescents. Are you in a city or far from a major metro area?
Yeah, people have said that to me before, but honestly i can't imagine loving him more if i had given birth to him. I went through much love and waiting dreamming of him, just like a pregnancy without the pain I suppose. I know the same hormones etc. dont develop but your mind still bonds even before your child is with you. Then because I wanted it so badly, I guess I even loved him more fiercely, even when it is hard. Do I want to throw in the towel at times/?? yes! same thing for my sisters who only have bio kids so I dont think it is anything different. Once you are bonded, you are bonded. I took a sacred oath and a legal oath to treat him as my own in ever way. But I hear what you are saying, here your child grew inside of you, you went thru pain to deliver him, and yet your mind now feels like it is too much. I think that is normal under such stress.... I said earlier I found myself pulling my heart back. I think I am doing it to protect myself from a potential permanent hurt....a true break sometime. Probably wont happen but I felt like I was defending myself ahead of time from some of the heart break that is inevitable when your child suffers and makes you suffer so much.
I have to ask, do you just feel like giving up or do you think you will? It makes no difference in my feelings about you, just wondering if you are really feeling that depressed. I really do care, you have helped me here too and would love to return the favor.
That said, maybe next time, you should check yourself into a psychiatric hospital! Not the kind Janet talked about when she was in that place, somewhere nice please. Then folks will have to take notice! (only half kidding)