husband is a JERK!! I would use another word but Im a lady.

[Marguerite]

So finally someone has seen what you are talking about. That is good. If nothing else, it vindicates you.

I do hear you about husband - it isn't easy for him, he's the meat in the sandwich. But I do feel he is handling things by NOT handling them, perhaps how he has slid through in the past. I do agree, you need to take a breather plus ensure your safety (and easy child, and the dog).

You have given him 12 years, he's currently got divided loyalties right now plus isn't handling things well, so don't slam the door shut necessarily. HOwever, I do agree - you need to get yourself out of the situation where you are the ogre because you're the one on the spot, doing te spadework but getting the holes filled in after you by someone who is doing the job wrong, and then allowing you to be blamed.

The fastest way for husband to work out what has to be done, is to have to take the deicsions himself and to wear the consequences all by himself. As long as you are there to either rescue him, or to be blamed for things not being perfect, husband won't wake up and smell the coffee.

So in the meantime - enjoy sleeping well at night.

let us know how you get on.

Marg

 

[gwenny]

thank you marg, You are so right!! He is not handeling enough of the burden. He needs to stop telling me "where did WE get today" there is no we here. It's you telling me what to do and me telling you what I did, and than boom slap in the face when he does things like give difficult child his birthday presents.

I just think that when I leave I need to work on a healthy life and not my marriage. I feel that there is alot of pain on both parts, but no matter what happens with difficult child I will be blamed for the outcome, so I see the best thing I can do is move on. Only time will tell, and I will only make good choices from here on in. I am ok with my decisions for now but I know when it comes time to move it will hurt, because we worked really hard to buy our home and decorate it together prior to difficult child, but they are just material things. (right)

Thank you again.

 

[susiestar]

Well, I am sorry that it has come to this, but I agree with Marg. Until husband has to deal with all aspects of difficult child's behavior with-o you as a buffer and someone to blame, husband isn't going to "get it".

I hope that husband can see the light and find a safe place for difficult child to get help. And that if difficult child is in the hospital again that husband can push them to place ihm in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

It is good you are taking your difficult child out of that environment. I hope he can work through everything and maybe even pull his grades up. I strongly recommend therapy for easy child also - he has a LOT to deal iwth and the grades are the first cry for help. You don't want him to have to keep asking for it.

Gentle hugs