In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?

[Copabanana]

Copa, I am here. I'm so pleased for all of us.

Daughter and ex-husband are here.

I wish you would tell us about the visit, here or elsewhere.

If you want to share, Cedar, I would love to hear about Ex D H, about how D D and her Ex liked their exploratory trip, and anything you would like to tell us about Dear Daughter. I think Serenity and I feel the same in our affection and admiration for her. I am curious, too, how the visit was for D H. Does most of his family live close to where you live? Do you live near where each of you grew up and near where you raised your children?

What about you and your Hubby, Serenity? I know you used to live in houses but are now in an apartment. But have you and hubby lived long in this town? Does he have roots near where you live? How did you get to the State where you now are, Serenity?

No pressure. I am curious.

This is my final Happy Birthday, Serenity.

COPA

 

[BusynMember]

Hi, Copa. Thank you very much for birthday wishes.

This is how we ended up in Nowhere, WI as I call it.

I had never liked Illinois or, more particularly, the Chicago suburbs. I felt they were too busy and, worse, the cost of living was extremely high for a modest income. On top of that, we have moved to the same suburb as Sis during a time when we were getting along (can we say no insight?) and now she had called the cops on us numerous times, which was stressful. We had just completed two adoptions and the foster care to adoption one had been very stressful. The foster care and child welfare system is a mess. Jumper's adoption went smooth, hers was private, but it took us FOUR YEARS to get the courts to terminate Sonic's birthmother's parental rights.

The social services rightly wants to give biological parents a chance to get well and be good parents. However, this birthmother, while probably a very good person underneath her addiction (Sonic is too good a person for us to believe she is a bad person), had left the hospital AMA after giving birth. She also had four other kids she gave to her mother, who said she could not handle another child and birthmother never came to court once in four years of hearings. Still, it took that long to terminate her rights so we could adopt him. We had five different social workers, all young kids, and it was stressful. Very.

We never liked New Suburb. I should have known that what Sis loved, I would hate. We are just so different. I enjoyed down-home, earthy people with older, unique homes and very friendly people...the friendlier the better. Where we moved, which was to a pretty good neighborhood of Suburb, it was just not us. The neighbors looked at your yard and one commented on tall grass. I had just had surgery and couldn't mow and Goneboy, who usually volunteered to do it, hadn't gotten around to it yet. Neighbor said, "It isn't nice looking at t he tall grass."

I told her I'd just had surgery and without blinking shse said, "I don't care. Do something about the grass!"

When I would wave to neighbors who were outside, they looked through me. I wasn't used to that kind of indifference to neighbors as Old Suburb had been less wealthy but far more friendly and down-home. The school kids were snobby and picked on Princess so badly that she was allowed to switch to another school nearby, which was better for her, but not that great.

One weekend hubby and I went up to The Middle of Nowhere (Literally), Wisconsin to visit his sister who had just had a house built on land they had purchased. WE fell in love with the quiet, the peace, the friendly neighbors...we decided to move. We did not want to live THAT far away from civilization (took her forty five minutes just to get to a grocery store), but we looked in areas closer to their idea of a Big City (18,000 people). So we moved. And right away the stress dropped. Sis wasn't there. She still tried to call the cops, but they were MY cops, who knew me personally and did not pay much attention to her other than to ask if she had issues and, knowing hubby and I, they obviously thought the problem was Sis. We also got away from every bad memory of FOO that I ever had, which was refreshing. The laid back atmosphere was wonderful, the people uber friendly, and the area much less expensive to live in.

We are still here. If we move, and we might, it would be to another part of Wisconsin. We've seen some cities we really like. The cost of living is higher, but the smaller towns, slightly away from the cities, are not as expensive. So we'll see. Hub is only 58 and will be at his job for a while and we aren't moving while he still works in (cough) Big City.

Unlike you, Copa, big cities stress me out, even the suburbs of big cities. I don't even like to visit them.I'm anti-excitement and very much a homebody

And that is the story.

 

[Copabanana]

"Cold to the core." Five years ago M and I met a Latino Christian man. A friend of a friend. He works at a HS as a coach and draws young men ostensibly to help them mature as men of faith.

You know I am not a Christian.

Against M's better judgment I asked this man to spend some time with my son, using the pretext that he would drive my son home from work.

It was a long shot, because my son cannot abide blind faith. He mocks it. (Except when it comes to his conspiracy theories.)

The assessment of my son, by this man? There is nothing inside him. He is cold to the core.

Wonderful.

In his last phone call, my son said to me: "I love you very much." I know he does. I hear it in his voice. I feel it.

He wanted also to come to see us one more time before the calamity arrives that he expects in September. I suggested an alternative plan.

I do not know what I am looking to find in this post but I will try.

I believe that I have changed because I am listening to my son.
I believe all of the horrible time he needed me and loved me.

I do not know where I was that whole time. I got lost.

My son needed me. He did not need that man. He was looking for me and waiting for me the whole time.

This is not to say that he was ready or would have accepted me.

I think he needed first to stand on his own feet. Alone. He has. In a manner of speaking.

I will end here. I will try to post today about my father. I have an appointment tomorrow with the Dermatologist. My father died of malignant melanoma and every few years I get my skin checked.

I woke up this morning disquieted with my father on my mind. Degraded. Dissolute. Down the drain. Dead. I do not know if I speak of him or myself. I will return later.

I also want to say here that I woke with a dream where I was hopeful that one of several incipient male friendships would develop to something more.

I was trying to make my way through a rocky beach area, I think it was. The man of interest, helped me part of the way. There were dogs. And another younger man or boy. (Were these two my father and brother?)

Then M gave me a big wet kiss to say goodbye and I woke up. I felt guilty I was entertaining other men in my sleep. But oh so happy to remember that my man was there.

This post has a series of beginnings. I do not yet know where I need or want to go from any one of them. So they are more and statement of intent, rather than purpose. The purpose is yet to reveal itself.

Thank you.

COPA

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

I like your post, Copa. I like the honesty and flexibility and willingness to savor meaning in it. Those times when I know it matters, but I don't know why...those times are when explosive insight happens.

I am excited for you.

I love it that M awakened you with a kiss.

I was trying to make my way through a rocky beach area, I think it was. The man of interest, helped me part of the way. There were dogs. And another younger man or boy. (Were these two my father and brother?)

A rocky shore. Troubled waters. A man of interest...could he represent reclamation of potential selves, reclamation of self images or value judgments about yourself so long rejected?

The potential then would be to believe, for yourself, in the values the dream male sees and believes in, in you.

A rocky shore.

Is there wind, Copa?

Is it early or late in the day?

Where is the sun?

I think the man of interest is you, Copa. It could be that he reflects your own changing assessments of self.

Sacred ground for you, then.

Oh, wow, Copa. I am happy for you.

Thank you for posting the dream.

I think this is huge, Copa.

Cedar