After yesterday, I was really hoping that it would be over and everyone would get some good sleep and we could put one foot in front of the other this morning and continue forward...
but no.
There is a certain level of dysfunction from difficult child that is "normal" - it's her everyday way of being. Not brushing teeth, not taking showers = normal. Argumentative, antagonistic = normal. But now I see that's she's dropped a level - and it's subtle - but I see it.
Refusing to eat breakfast and lunch = normal.....refusing to eat an afterschool snack = not normal.
Refusing to bring lunch to school = normal.....refusing to grab a leftover sub = not normal
Refusing to do homework / classwork = normal
Not participating in class = normal
Complaining to everyone who will listen how horrific her life is and how abusive her parents are = normal
Refusing to wear the ROTC uniform on ROTC Uniform Day = normal
Refusing to wear a jacket in the rain or cold = normal.....refusing to come OUT of the rain or cold = not normal
Being argumentative / cranky in the morning = normal.....refusing to do her hair = not normal
So basically, I now have a kid who has refused to eat or drink absolutely anything at home since Tuesday. She didn't want to get out of bed this morning and when she did, she threw on old clothes (even though it is Uniform Day) and didn't bother even brushing her hair. Then she went outside to wait for the bus (where it was absolutely POURING) and just stood there with an angry look on her face and getting soaked to the bone. husband offered to drive her to school, but since she is not spreaking to him this morning, she wouldn't even acknowledge the offer. Then after standing in the downpour for about 15 minutes she told husband "You might as well drive me to school." (No please, no will you...) She didn't speak to him the whole ride there until they arrived and he said "You're welcome!" to which she grumbled a thanks.
So - two possibilities:
a) This is a big show for the parents, and once she arrives at school she hangs out with friends, eats snacks from the vending machine and everything is hunky-dory
or
b) This is a pre-cursor to a suicide threat / attempt. I hate to think that way....but it is her m.o. To get her instruments back, she has to communicate her whereabouts to Mom and Dad....and she would rather die than give up that kind of control. And the WORST part is (as you all know) - you can't get any help just because you think they might be thinking about suicide...they have to say it out loud, or demonstrate that they have an active plan. We've been to the crisis center with this stuff one too many times, and we know the drill. They don't want to admit her unless she's actively trying to kill herself. Short of that - they want the regular therapist to handle it.
And originally I thought we had an appointment with therapist today - I was wrong, the appointment is next Thursday. And there's no point in asking for an emergency appointment. Their policy is, if it is truly an emergency - go to the crisis center (see above). (And before anybody suggests it - the crisis center is next to the hospital ER...so walking in through the ER door with a suicide gets you sent next door to the crisis center...who will send you back to the regular therapist unless you are actively attempting suicide)
So, I guess I get to wait and see what happens next...
but no.
There is a certain level of dysfunction from difficult child that is "normal" - it's her everyday way of being. Not brushing teeth, not taking showers = normal. Argumentative, antagonistic = normal. But now I see that's she's dropped a level - and it's subtle - but I see it.
Refusing to eat breakfast and lunch = normal.....refusing to eat an afterschool snack = not normal.
Refusing to bring lunch to school = normal.....refusing to grab a leftover sub = not normal
Refusing to do homework / classwork = normal
Not participating in class = normal
Complaining to everyone who will listen how horrific her life is and how abusive her parents are = normal
Refusing to wear the ROTC uniform on ROTC Uniform Day = normal
Refusing to wear a jacket in the rain or cold = normal.....refusing to come OUT of the rain or cold = not normal
Being argumentative / cranky in the morning = normal.....refusing to do her hair = not normal
So basically, I now have a kid who has refused to eat or drink absolutely anything at home since Tuesday. She didn't want to get out of bed this morning and when she did, she threw on old clothes (even though it is Uniform Day) and didn't bother even brushing her hair. Then she went outside to wait for the bus (where it was absolutely POURING) and just stood there with an angry look on her face and getting soaked to the bone. husband offered to drive her to school, but since she is not spreaking to him this morning, she wouldn't even acknowledge the offer. Then after standing in the downpour for about 15 minutes she told husband "You might as well drive me to school." (No please, no will you...) She didn't speak to him the whole ride there until they arrived and he said "You're welcome!" to which she grumbled a thanks.
So - two possibilities:
a) This is a big show for the parents, and once she arrives at school she hangs out with friends, eats snacks from the vending machine and everything is hunky-dory
or
b) This is a pre-cursor to a suicide threat / attempt. I hate to think that way....but it is her m.o. To get her instruments back, she has to communicate her whereabouts to Mom and Dad....and she would rather die than give up that kind of control. And the WORST part is (as you all know) - you can't get any help just because you think they might be thinking about suicide...they have to say it out loud, or demonstrate that they have an active plan. We've been to the crisis center with this stuff one too many times, and we know the drill. They don't want to admit her unless she's actively trying to kill herself. Short of that - they want the regular therapist to handle it.
And originally I thought we had an appointment with therapist today - I was wrong, the appointment is next Thursday. And there's no point in asking for an emergency appointment. Their policy is, if it is truly an emergency - go to the crisis center (see above). (And before anybody suggests it - the crisis center is next to the hospital ER...so walking in through the ER door with a suicide gets you sent next door to the crisis center...who will send you back to the regular therapist unless you are actively attempting suicide)
So, I guess I get to wait and see what happens next...