Life update

Helpless29

Active Member
Finally moved into our new home , it’s beautiful & peaceful. I haven’t heard from my son in over a month ,I’ve sent numerous texts & tried calling. I miss him but was feeling ok because I know he was doing ok he had a roof over his head & a good job working construction which I know he loved . But the other night , I get a call at midnight from a private number, it was my son sobbing , saying he had nothing & lost everything, I asked him what was going on but he was uncontrollably crying & then hung up . I tried calling back numerous times & texting but nothing . The next day I tried calling him again but he ignored my texts & calls. I reached out to a friend that knows the family he stays with and my son still lives there which was a relief . I thought he might be homeless again.He did lose his job , I’m not sure why but I could guess drinking or drugs or missing work because of his bad habits . Maybe he was drunk when he called me & was crying for messing up his job, I don’t know. I do have access to his email & seen he was hired for UPS so I glad to know that , hopefully they allow him to work with only a copy of his ID. & birth certificate, he can’t get his ID because of warrant he still has for violating probation when he left my home ,it will show up when he tries to go to the DMV & he could get arrested. I miss my son so much , I don’t miss the drama but he’s just been on my mind a lot & sometimes I feel guilty for living in this big beautiful home & he’s struggling to get back on his feet once again .I feel like a horrible mom to have so much but my son have very little .
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Helpless. Hi. I'm glad to hear from you and sorry you feel sad and worried. Here's the deal. Your son has to learn to make better choices. There's no way that your beautiful and new house can help him do that. So far it's hit and miss for him, but luckily he seems always to land on his feet. Sometimes, maybe always, we have to suffer in order to learn. I wish it were different. I fear it's not.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Hi. I'm so happy about your house! Enjoy it. Enjoy the peace. If you decided to suffer because your son refused to get clean (and it IS his decision) your son will still be unhappy. Yes, he was probably drunk. That's what addicts do, all of ours. We have no way to save or help them. This is truly a disease where the person has to do it himself. Think about everyone you have heard about who quit drinking and are now sober. It can be done. It is 100 percent up to him. You are not able to do anything.

If you were in Nar Anon you would get this exact message and be encouraged to live your own best life. A therapist would tell you the same. And you are allowed to set boundaries. One of our boundaries was that Kay could only call us from 9-9. The phone went off after that and we put it in a drawer. We knew things happen at night but we are not medical or psychiatric professionals....we were not the best people for her to call in a crisis. We did not know what to do, even if she had gotten into another car accident.

Kay learned to call hotlines and go to ER. Most self pity and drama happen at 1 am, and a call so late is frightening to us. So that was one boundary we set.

If God is in your life try maybe giving your son AND your son's future to God. Enjoy your new life.
 
Top