Thank you both for your very kind words. I live in Brisbane Australia and there doesn't seem to be a discussion forum as great as this one. I realise everything you both say is true and its not til you read everything, you are confronted with that truth. My son has now decided to go off all his medication, and as much as it scares me, I can understand it. He takes over 15 pills every day and would be happy to if he saw a glimmer of hope in the improvement of his mood. I realise the nastiness is just him, however the hopelessness never improves. I have talked to his psychiatric and all he wants to do his increase his medications and give him another treatment of Electro Shock Therapy; my son won't go through this again. If he could suggest some alternative treatments alongside his medication such as support groups and even meditation, I feel my son would agree. However, he almost scoffs at me I would even suggest such a thing, what would I know, I'm only his mother. Of course when I suggest this to my son, he also scoffs for the same reason. Ah, sometimes I feel like just running away. My other kids are great and my husband tries as much as he is able to be supportive, they're winding down now though, waiting for my son to start helping himself. I realise I need to do that too and I try to keep busy. I have good friends but not good enough to want to listen to me, they have no idea what it's like and frankly don't want to. I don't blame them though, it is a burden. This website has been a saviour and I have decided to locate a support group for me. Than k you so much for all your help, it's amazing!!