BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I hope so too, hon.
I think you are very kind, smart, and very brave a great role model to your kids!
I think you are very kind, smart, and very brave a great role model to your kids!
New Member......Need Help
- Thread starter Sumsky
- Start date
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Sumsky. This may not be deliberate, planned or even conscious. He may compartmentalize. Not want to or be able to think about what happened. He cannot face it.
You are the one who is ascribing motive to behavior that may not be motivated as much as defensive. Him protecting him against awareness of him.
I am in no way defending him. Or advocating for a diagnosis of one thing over another. I am saying YOU will be better served if you do not fill in the missing blanks with INTENT on his part, PLANNING on his part, DELIBERATION on his part. *Although these have not been ruled out, yet. This child is sick. He has fallen apart. He is trying to recoup. I feel for him. He must feel he is on the brink of losing everything. I really, really feel for his Dad and you, both of you.
Copabanana I do understand what you are saying. I have been back and forth with this so many times lately. On one hand I do feel for him I do know he needs so much help, I do think the therapists are getting through to him on some level because I do think he felt the panic this time, he felt the damage but only to himself. On the other I am so angry and frustrated that it makes it hard for me to even be around him. When I see him act like nothing even happened and life is fine then I question again if he even knows or cares what anyone else has been through all week. He honestly seems like since his friend is getting his headphones replaced that all is fine now. He doesn’t understand why he won’t be invited back to their house or why other friends may not want him to stay at their house. He seems that since we have the phone back then all is fine with that situation. (He doesn’t even know that CYS has to investigate yet.)So either he doesn’t understand or can’t understand. Hopefully those answers come to us with the test results. And you are right, I need to just wait a lil bit longer.... I guess it’s hard to understand how someone can have so lil care or understanding of the magnitude of the situation.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Y
Now this is sounding like my own son:
For example, he was living with a friend and friend's father. People he likes and knew for many years. The dad said no marijuana. And pay rent. My son does not understand that those are rules and that if he does not choose to follow them, there are consequences. TO HIM. I could tell you a dozen more situations where my son suffered because he cannot get that others have interests, too. And that if they have power over him, he loses. My son is NOT amoral and he is not conduct disordered. Honestly, I have never looked at it this way, for him. That this could be on the autism spectrum. That he is just not computing.
This is all too understandable.
Now this is sounding like my own son:
It is not that he steals or does anything antisocial. But it is that he does not seem to get cause and effect and he does not see that others will not take as primary his priorities.
For example, he was living with a friend and friend's father. People he likes and knew for many years. The dad said no marijuana. And pay rent. My son does not understand that those are rules and that if he does not choose to follow them, there are consequences. TO HIM. I could tell you a dozen more situations where my son suffered because he cannot get that others have interests, too. And that if they have power over him, he loses. My son is NOT amoral and he is not conduct disordered. Honestly, I have never looked at it this way, for him. That this could be on the autism spectrum. That he is just not computing.
Yes. As I am posting here, I am wondering for me if there is some kind of defense involved. I ascribe intent because accepting my son is so limited would be intolerable to me. Do I protect myself by seeing him as motivated to not understand or indifferent? If this is the case I am causing myself and him a great deal of heartache.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Autistics tend to understand rules unless they are very severe. That isnt autism, at least most. Autistics tend to be tje victim, not bully.
Some people cant get it. Some people do what they want and pretend they don't get it and are only upset when they get caught. Some oeople hurt others on purpose and understand it. How can they? They are empathy challenged. People dont matter to them. They go after what they want and too bad if it harms another.
There ARE people with no empathy. Sure they are sick but they are also a danger to society and need to be confined. I doubt anyone would argue that Charles Manson wasnt sick. People dont think like him. Not mentally sound people. But he cant be at large. But there are people without empathy who dont go as far as murder. Sexual abusers are the same.
Our foster/adopted son admitted in residential that he knew killing animals lying and molestation was wrong. His gig was up. He had to talk. But his biggest concern was would we give him his toys, and he never asked how anyone was. He didnt care. His case manager had to talk to us as
It took years for the legal adoption to end so we were privy to his life in aprison for young offenders. Had he shown any remorse we may have parented him from afar but he never did. In fact in residential lockdown he was caught trying to perp on another kid a few years later.
He had attachment disorder severe. That was all that was ever found under extreme testing, scrutiny and mental health services. Was that the right diagnoses? I believe it was one of them. But as I have often brought up here, psychiatry is inexact. There are no blood tests to prove a diagnosis. The DSM is just the current book and ever changing. That is all psychiatry has so often the doctors are wrong or confused or ten doctors come up with ten different diagnoses.
So R. could have also been more than Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Psychiatriats, before he was found molesting kids, wrote down that he was a nice well adjusted sweet kid who was just borderline slow in IQ (high 80s).
There is no way as of 2018 to prove what is wrong for certain in somebodys mind. All we can do is observe that certain people are dangerous for some reason. And doctors can try to figure out why. But thats guesswork.
SS is dangerous for some reason. He seems in my opinion not to not understand the rules but to want to break serious sexual and other rules then act panicked when he is caught. Not because he doesnt know. Because he was caught and wants no consequences.
Copa your son is so different. He has no history of hurting society on purpose, just himself. No sexual abuse or lack of consccience. He has to battle challenges like drugs in utero and head injuries and for him these could be a factor. He is not a threat to society. He is more vulnerable and apt to be bullied rather than bully. He wont follow your rules because he wont quit pot, which he knows is a bottom line. Maybe pot is essential in his mind to his functionality so he could be terrified to give it up. More terrified than living on the streets. But if my kids met J, they would not fear him and he would not hurt them. I think this is apples and oranges. Your boy is not dangerous to others at all. Never has been.
SS was born into a loving family as a healthy infant and had no head injuries or traumas to do this to him. My son either. Both lack empathy. I would not feel comfortable alone with my son because i dont trust his behavior. Why is he like this? He was always like this. He had therapy until I couldnt legally force it anymore.
It seems he learned nothing from life or therapy and he still lacks empathy. Some people do. They are not safe, no matter why they dont have empathy. My son is not a physical threat to others but he can use people in a bad way and not care. Gives me the chills.
I truly think SS is in that lack of empathy category.
I hope the other kids continue to be protected from him. Maybe forever. My three angel kids want nothing to do with Bart. They have heard him yell and swear at me. They dont know the rest but that is enough for good people to reject others.
Ok, off the soap box. Maybe he will shock me and show empathy. At any rate, for whatever reason, he is currently willing to do harm and that is never accrptable. The sexual stuff is a huge ref flag.
Just my two cents.
Some people cant get it. Some people do what they want and pretend they don't get it and are only upset when they get caught. Some oeople hurt others on purpose and understand it. How can they? They are empathy challenged. People dont matter to them. They go after what they want and too bad if it harms another.
There ARE people with no empathy. Sure they are sick but they are also a danger to society and need to be confined. I doubt anyone would argue that Charles Manson wasnt sick. People dont think like him. Not mentally sound people. But he cant be at large. But there are people without empathy who dont go as far as murder. Sexual abusers are the same.
Our foster/adopted son admitted in residential that he knew killing animals lying and molestation was wrong. His gig was up. He had to talk. But his biggest concern was would we give him his toys, and he never asked how anyone was. He didnt care. His case manager had to talk to us as
It took years for the legal adoption to end so we were privy to his life in aprison for young offenders. Had he shown any remorse we may have parented him from afar but he never did. In fact in residential lockdown he was caught trying to perp on another kid a few years later.
He had attachment disorder severe. That was all that was ever found under extreme testing, scrutiny and mental health services. Was that the right diagnoses? I believe it was one of them. But as I have often brought up here, psychiatry is inexact. There are no blood tests to prove a diagnosis. The DSM is just the current book and ever changing. That is all psychiatry has so often the doctors are wrong or confused or ten doctors come up with ten different diagnoses.
So R. could have also been more than Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Psychiatriats, before he was found molesting kids, wrote down that he was a nice well adjusted sweet kid who was just borderline slow in IQ (high 80s).
There is no way as of 2018 to prove what is wrong for certain in somebodys mind. All we can do is observe that certain people are dangerous for some reason. And doctors can try to figure out why. But thats guesswork.
SS is dangerous for some reason. He seems in my opinion not to not understand the rules but to want to break serious sexual and other rules then act panicked when he is caught. Not because he doesnt know. Because he was caught and wants no consequences.
Copa your son is so different. He has no history of hurting society on purpose, just himself. No sexual abuse or lack of consccience. He has to battle challenges like drugs in utero and head injuries and for him these could be a factor. He is not a threat to society. He is more vulnerable and apt to be bullied rather than bully. He wont follow your rules because he wont quit pot, which he knows is a bottom line. Maybe pot is essential in his mind to his functionality so he could be terrified to give it up. More terrified than living on the streets. But if my kids met J, they would not fear him and he would not hurt them. I think this is apples and oranges. Your boy is not dangerous to others at all. Never has been.
SS was born into a loving family as a healthy infant and had no head injuries or traumas to do this to him. My son either. Both lack empathy. I would not feel comfortable alone with my son because i dont trust his behavior. Why is he like this? He was always like this. He had therapy until I couldnt legally force it anymore.
It seems he learned nothing from life or therapy and he still lacks empathy. Some people do. They are not safe, no matter why they dont have empathy. My son is not a physical threat to others but he can use people in a bad way and not care. Gives me the chills.
I truly think SS is in that lack of empathy category.
I hope the other kids continue to be protected from him. Maybe forever. My three angel kids want nothing to do with Bart. They have heard him yell and swear at me. They dont know the rest but that is enough for good people to reject others.
Ok, off the soap box. Maybe he will shock me and show empathy. At any rate, for whatever reason, he is currently willing to do harm and that is never accrptable. The sexual stuff is a huge ref flag.
Just my two cents.
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SWOT, SS definitely lacks empathy. That has been noted with the psychosexual evaluation, the therapists, and the case worker. Therapists have been working on teaching him by having each us of describe to him how the things he does make us feel. How they impact us by describing our emotions instead of telling him this is the right way, this is the wrong way. For a time, it seemed that was getting through to him. SS seems to be able to change faces very quickly for the situation. He tends to say the ‘right things’ when he needs to. When asking SS how he thinks someone feels about something he can tell you the words but can’t explain how it might feel. Therapists are unsure if he can’t ‘feel emotion’ so he doesn’t know how we feel or if he doesn’t have the cognitive ability to describe those emotions. Honestly, one time I feel it’s that he is just cold hearted and only thinks of himself and other times I think he really just does not get this. Either way, it is very sad. However, one holds a lot of hope, the other not so much. One puts us all in danger, the other not so much.
Copabanana, SS does not understand cause and effect AT ALL. He is truly believes that this has not impacted anyone other than him at this point. And only because he has lost privileges now. I feel for you and your son.
Copabanana at the start of all of this, I had no doubt that SS was antisocial. Autism was never a thought. Never, not even in the early years when he was diagnosed with ADHD. But having the therapists point out things has made me more aware. And he truly does not understand others emotions, he lacks remorse. He does not understand how he impacts others. I feel for you and your son. I know the worry we have and we still have some control and say on what happens with him. It is all so confusing and frustrating. I can’t imagine a life without the capacity to feel love and acceptance and compassion. But I also cannot allow that same person to keep harming others because of it. It doesn’t sound like your son hurts anyone but himself. That has to be so hard to accept. We always want so much for our children. Sending hugs your way.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
This is true, SWOT. Thank you for your comments.
This is so complicated, Sumsky.
From what you have written stepson's therapists/evaluators have been extremely thorough and you should know a great deal more when the testing results are in.
I am not as pessimistic as is SWOT (although I understand her feelings in light of the experience of the past.) Stepson is very young. While I am in no position to know it sounds like his behavior could have as much to do with a lack of understanding of boundaries, and a lack of understanding of other people's reactions to what he does, as opposed to either poor impulse control or strong impulses to act out.
He may be experimenting with cause and effect. And doing so at a very immature level. He seems to have very little insight into the need to conceal his bad behavior and seems not to be acting covertly.
What I am trying to do is offer hope. This is what the psychologists are trying to tease out. And they will target these weak links hopefully to give him the missing links he needs.
What we are doing here is looking at the effect, which is the behavior. There can be many routes to the end result, the bad behavior. They are trying to find out what route stepson takes. When we look at just the bad behavior, we as human beings are hardwired to impute causation. We fill in the blanks. Oh. If he did this, it must be that he is dangerous. Yes. many times people who perpetrate bad acts intend them. Other times they are missing key aspects of their thinking that would have stopped them in their tracks. or ways to evaluate context and other people as to better understand the world.
Anybody would FEEL as you do. And NOBODY would want to be subjected to this kind of behavior. My own son is a sweet person and I cannot bear right now to be around him. And I am not defending stepson. I think he should go to residential until he is 18. I do not think he should come back home. But given the level of support this child has, and the resources of the family I believe there is a reasonable chance with intensive intervention he can be helped.
That is all I am saying.
A long time ago I had a talk with a therapist about the existence or lack there of when someone doesn’t seem to have a conscience. What she told me was; that a person needs to be able to empathize to have a conscience. But a conscience is not required for someone to live a good life. She said there are lots of people who don’t have much of a conscience doing okay and who have never been in trouble. She said in their cases the driving factor is to keep from causing trouble for themselves. They follow the rules of society just because it keeps them out of trouble and makes life easier for them. So if it’s decided your SS can’t feel emotion maybe then the therapists will take a different route and focus on how he needs to behave to stay out of trouble, like telling him as you said “this is the right way, this is the wrong way”. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around her theory, seems like trying to teach someone to walk who doesn’t have legs, but I know she knows her stuff. Maybe there is hope with the right focus for him. The phone and the headphones are kind of black and white, not something I think someone would be on emotional overload about and not be able to understand how it affects others when told, but who knows.
As SWOT said it really doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Autism. I mean he might have Aspergers also but typically it’s social cues that have to be taught, not a conscience. The few people I know with Aspergers have very well defined consciences, maybe too well, especially after the fact. I think that comes from trying to find their way through the maze. Even when they don’t understand emotions they don’t want to hurt and disregard others.
As others have said here, I hope you are taking care of yourself during these times. I realize more now more than ever what it means to take care of myself. I didn’t in the middle of all of the crises. You have gone far and above what most would have done. Whatever makes you de-stress is best. Exercise, a massage, walking for miles someplace that gives you peace, whatever it is…. Hugs
As SWOT said it really doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Autism. I mean he might have Aspergers also but typically it’s social cues that have to be taught, not a conscience. The few people I know with Aspergers have very well defined consciences, maybe too well, especially after the fact. I think that comes from trying to find their way through the maze. Even when they don’t understand emotions they don’t want to hurt and disregard others.
As others have said here, I hope you are taking care of yourself during these times. I realize more now more than ever what it means to take care of myself. I didn’t in the middle of all of the crises. You have gone far and above what most would have done. Whatever makes you de-stress is best. Exercise, a massage, walking for miles someplace that gives you peace, whatever it is…. Hugs
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
My troubled son has never been in jail. He cares about his own skin and wont break the law....unless he is sure he can get away with it. I think he may have done things when younger. And it is a fact that he ruined any chance of a relationship with anyone in the family because they are afraid of him and find his behavior unacceptable. So this leaves my grandson, whom even I barely know, without an extended family. These are consequences of low/no empathy. You oftrn end up alone. You repel others. You cant keep a SO. You cant build a loving family if you dont love.
Many without empathy dont WANT people so they dont care. Some care so they try to act better with others. Narcicists can like an audience.
There is a forum called psychiatric Central.
That site has two interesting sub forums. One is for people who have Antisocial Personality Disorder to post and talk. It is scary but informative. One is for Narcicistic Personality Disorder. That forum has the same purpose. I have read both. Scary, but this is them talking to each other. In one post a man asked others how they act sad at funerals because he always wants to laugh while at one. Thats an example. Dont search this forum out if you scare easily but it is there for all who would like a peek. Or it WAS there several years ago. I checked it out after R. had been found doing what he did, which was a while back.
A lack of empathy for any reason is dangerous. Many antisocials kill nobody but do white collar crimes such as steal from the family. Think Maddox (I think that is his name). Or they sexually offend. Or go overboard with porn or get involved with child porn. What they don't do is know how to love. You cant teach an emotion.
Thank you, Deni for explaining autism. These kids tend to have VERY rigid thinking of right and wrong and although they may not be able to express or show empathy, most are marshmellows. Very kindhearted. I have known a ton because I like support groups and was in one for autistics after my son was diagnosed.They tend to be innocent and young for their ages...it is both a communication disorder and a developmental delay. They tend to get picked on. The parents talked problems but nobody said their kid was mean or couldnt love etc. The biggest problem was meltdowns with some kids.
I will stick with that nobody knows for sure why anyone acts like they fo. Psychiatry hasnt found that blood test or brain scan yet. So if somebody acts out dangerously in my opinion its better to be safe than sorry around them. Or else one can be badly hurt in some way but then its too late.
Sumsky, watch your own kids. Being careful hurts nobody.
Copa, your son is nothing like this. Most adult kids who bring us here do have empathy, ususlly tons, but are just lost or struggling. Some act badly due to drug abuse snd change for the best when they quit.. Your son sounds very sweet. Troubled yes. But sweet.
Have a wonderful day!
Many without empathy dont WANT people so they dont care. Some care so they try to act better with others. Narcicists can like an audience.
There is a forum called psychiatric Central.
That site has two interesting sub forums. One is for people who have Antisocial Personality Disorder to post and talk. It is scary but informative. One is for Narcicistic Personality Disorder. That forum has the same purpose. I have read both. Scary, but this is them talking to each other. In one post a man asked others how they act sad at funerals because he always wants to laugh while at one. Thats an example. Dont search this forum out if you scare easily but it is there for all who would like a peek. Or it WAS there several years ago. I checked it out after R. had been found doing what he did, which was a while back.
A lack of empathy for any reason is dangerous. Many antisocials kill nobody but do white collar crimes such as steal from the family. Think Maddox (I think that is his name). Or they sexually offend. Or go overboard with porn or get involved with child porn. What they don't do is know how to love. You cant teach an emotion.
Thank you, Deni for explaining autism. These kids tend to have VERY rigid thinking of right and wrong and although they may not be able to express or show empathy, most are marshmellows. Very kindhearted. I have known a ton because I like support groups and was in one for autistics after my son was diagnosed.They tend to be innocent and young for their ages...it is both a communication disorder and a developmental delay. They tend to get picked on. The parents talked problems but nobody said their kid was mean or couldnt love etc. The biggest problem was meltdowns with some kids.
I will stick with that nobody knows for sure why anyone acts like they fo. Psychiatry hasnt found that blood test or brain scan yet. So if somebody acts out dangerously in my opinion its better to be safe than sorry around them. Or else one can be badly hurt in some way but then its too late.
Sumsky, watch your own kids. Being careful hurts nobody.
Copa, your son is nothing like this. Most adult kids who bring us here do have empathy, ususlly tons, but are just lost or struggling. Some act badly due to drug abuse snd change for the best when they quit.. Your son sounds very sweet. Troubled yes. But sweet.
Have a wonderful day!
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Elsi
Well-Known Member
Yes. This is my experience exactly. I had to explicitly learn social cues, and am still bad at reading facial expressions. (And recognizing faces - please don't take me to one of those movies where all the lead characters are different white guys with short dark hair. I'll be totally lost.) I couldn't parse teasing or sarcasm - it still takes me several beats to process and understand a lot of humor, or determine whether or not someone is kidding or being sarcastic.
But I cared (still do care) very much about doing the right things! I was very rule-bound as a kid, and had trouble learning exceptions (e.g., stay in your seat while the teacher is out of the room...unless the fire alarm goes off, then you should totally get out of your seat and evacuate). I would never have taken something that didn't belong to me on purpose. If I took something by accident (like picking up someone else's pen by mistake) or was tricked into taking something I shouldn't (e.g. peers saying "yeah, she told us you could have it - it's yours now!") I would have been filled with a very deep sense of shame and mortification when I discovered my error. Because I knew you didn't take things that didn't belong to you, and I took the rule seriously.
And I never, ever wanted to cause pain to another person, physical or emotional.
Hiding evidence and lying say to me the person knows they have done wrong. Otherwise, why do that?
This makes me think of the description of the Tin Man in L. Frank Baum's original book. Baum said the Tin Man was always extra careful to think things through and show extra kindness to every creature around him, because he knew he did not have a heart to guide him. I've always been fascinated by the Tin Man, because I think I tend to logic through my ethical system more than most. Things that upset others may not upset me (and vice versa), but I've learned to logic through other people's thinking and motivations and adjust my behaviors to what people expect of me. In middle school and high school, I actually kept extensive journals - you might even call them field notes - describing other people's behaviors and reactions and trying to understand people who were different than me. I've run into others in the Aspie community who say they did the same.
It also makes me think of a book by a researcher who was researching differences in brain structure and function between psychopaths and "normal" people. There are apparently a number of tell-tale signs of true psychopathy that can be recognized in a brain scan. And when he looked at his own brain scan...he realized his brain fit the pattern of a psychopath. He is a successful researcher and has never been in any legal trouble, and at first he didn't believe the results. But then he decided to investigate and talked to people who knew him well, including ex-girlfriends I believe, who all were able to identify behavioral patterns that suggested psychopathy. He used this to become more aware of his own behaviors and reactions and be more conscious of how he was treating other people. Like the Tin Man, because he knew he had no heart (or empathy) he took extra care to monitor his behavior to ensure that he acted as if he did.
I guess it's really two separate things - the ability to understand, and the ability to care. You can be deficient in just one of those areas or in both. I would agree that it sounds like SS is deficient in the ability to CARE about other people's needs, rights and feelings. How much he truly understands about appropriate social behavior may be an open question right now. Perhaps, as Deni suggests, he can learn with intensive interventions how to moderate his behavior, if for no other reason than to avoid further trouble. I hope so.
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Got a call from the police today...SS friend’s parents called the police and reported that he stole the headphones. I am somewhat relieved. Apparently, it got back to this kids parents that SS threw the headphones in a creek to try to cover his tracks and they reported it even though they were compensated for the them. Husband thought SS was bailed out again and it was over. But this time husband is back and forth with he deserves it and feeling like it is a lil extreme. If this would’ve been one incident, I would agree that maybe it wasn’t the best choice to report it. But it isn’t one incident and I feel that now its documented and he will have to answer to juvenile probation and be watched closer. Husband did not minimize this time when we talked to SS. So I am seeing progress there.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Good.
The painful thing for your husband is this: It is no longer his call whether or not stepson receives consequences. He no longer has a say. What he thinks does not get factored in. Your stepson by his behavior has engaged with "society" in that for the kinds of things he is doing, there are consequences beyond school, beyond home. These are called laws. I am not being sarcastic or cynical here. I am feeling empathy.
I wish I knew how you could help your husband. Because he is struggling to feel control, when he really has none. He will suffer as long as he feels he can or should be able to control the situation which is spiraling beyond anybody's ability to control it.
I guess all of us feel this way. But I feel for your husband.
Thank goodness you have in this framework you put in place: the diagnosis, the therapy, the contacts, all of what you have done in these months. Without it there would be a worse crisis. Now it is to respond. There are no more choices now. It is only to recognize what is. I am so sorry.
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Elsi
Well-Known Member
I have come to the conclusion that protecting them from the natural consequences of their actions is almost never the right move. No matter what the problem is, how else will they learn?
I still think hiding evidence suggests he understands very well that what he did was wrong.
While his dad may think reporting is ‘a little extreme’, it’s infinitely better for him to face these consequences now and learn from them (hopefully) than be charged on something similar as an adult. It is not a kindness to let him avoid this learning.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
If somebody stole from my kids the police would be called. Nobody has a right to steal from anyone. Why is it extreme to report a theft?
We would not have accepted grandpas money.
Its about time SS gets into trouble for breaking sociery's rules. Maybe this will stop him from stealing from a store. And matbe not. But I hope.
We would not have accepted grandpas money.
Its about time SS gets into trouble for breaking sociery's rules. Maybe this will stop him from stealing from a store. And matbe not. But I hope.
Copa, I do feel for my husband. He has tried for years to hide and cover for SS. Always saying he’s not a bad kid just makes bad decisions. I believe it’s hard for any of us to see our children as anything other than those sweet little babies. And now reality is hitting him very hard and very quickly. Things are unraveling and spiraling. It’s exhausting!! And it’s a very hard punch. I am still hopeful for changes. I just can’t give that up just yet. Maybe I never will. But right now, my family needs some rest and healing. We cannot go on this way much longer. I truly believe that my husband knows and wants SS to go to inpatient but he can’t be the one that makes that call. He needs someone to do that for him.
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Elsi, I agree.... had this been one of the kids friends, I would not have reported it if this was a kid that didn’t have a background. I would’ve allowed the parents to handle it. However, if I knew the parents wouldn’t discipline or if I knew there were repeated issues there, I would’ve done the same. I do believe that kids make mistakes and most learn from them. Just the fact of getting caught and admitting the theft is enough for most kids, but not all.
SWOT, I agree that in SS case I’m glad it was reported. But if it was one of my kids’ friends and it was a kid without any problems and I knew their parents would handle it, I would not report it. They would not be welcomed back but I would give them that chance. I feel most kids make mistakes and deserve the benefit of doubt. However, that is not the case with SS and I do feel it needed reported.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Is it tomorrow that the testing results are presented? Something will happen soon. I can imagine how the family is feeling. It really is too much. I am sorry, Sumsky.
I know you do, Sumsky.
Testing results are November 5th at 5:00. It can’t come soon enough!!
