Wow.... After reading some of these posts I almost wonder if I shouldn't be somewhere else, as I dont' think my situation is to this degree..... yet!
I have a 15 year old who I feel is heading down a road of substance abuse. I know he's tried pot and we have found it on occasion. He has also drank on occasion, but neither one do I think does he do on a regular basis. He does smoke cigarettes when ever he can get his hands on them.
He's ADHD and struggles in school. He is not on medication any longer and when he was it didn't really help much. He's had a boat load of behavior problems, which I feel have been fueled by his relation ship with his dad and earlier years in elementary school being bullied. More so the first issue. His dad and I have been split up for 11 years now and up until about 3 years ago his life has been unstable as far as relationships go. He is now married to a very upbeat woman who has a ton to offer, however I feel the past 8 years prior to that, he was more of a freind to my son rather than a father, and often blamed us for my son's behavior issues. Or the schools for not providing our son with what he needed, instead of addressing the behavior itself as a parent often accepted it and blamed others. Now in his new marriage his wife I think has started to demand that our son accept the responsibilities for his behaviors which his dad has also jumped on board with as well, but has also started to really get on our son's case doing so to the point of verbal abuse (which is only a speculation based on what I went through being married to him for 11 years and what my son has been saying is going on)
My son now has refused to go back to his dads for the 50/50 placement that is court ordered, and resorted to running away when we tried to force him to go. I no longer try to force it and the running away has halted. But dad and step mom are none to happy with us. I've left the ball in thier court letting them know I am willing to work with them in any other way to work out the issue, but can not kick him out to try to force it as that hasn't been effective. Dad also has denied being part of the reason our son is acting the way he is, and I've also told them until he realizes he is that the problem can't be solved....
Although school is better this year so far (only three weeks into it) than the past few years and we have been able to address some of othe behavior issues, I am still concerned about the pot and cigarette use, and know the tables can turn back as easlily as they've turned for the better.
I've read some of your postings and in the heat of some of our issues with him have been at our wits end not knowing what to do next with him and also knowing we can not tolerate his behaviors in our home.
It's like an emotional roller coaster and we are on the hill heading up again..... but afraid of the down hills.
Looking for advice or suggestions.....
I have a 15 year old who I feel is heading down a road of substance abuse. I know he's tried pot and we have found it on occasion. He has also drank on occasion, but neither one do I think does he do on a regular basis. He does smoke cigarettes when ever he can get his hands on them.
He's ADHD and struggles in school. He is not on medication any longer and when he was it didn't really help much. He's had a boat load of behavior problems, which I feel have been fueled by his relation ship with his dad and earlier years in elementary school being bullied. More so the first issue. His dad and I have been split up for 11 years now and up until about 3 years ago his life has been unstable as far as relationships go. He is now married to a very upbeat woman who has a ton to offer, however I feel the past 8 years prior to that, he was more of a freind to my son rather than a father, and often blamed us for my son's behavior issues. Or the schools for not providing our son with what he needed, instead of addressing the behavior itself as a parent often accepted it and blamed others. Now in his new marriage his wife I think has started to demand that our son accept the responsibilities for his behaviors which his dad has also jumped on board with as well, but has also started to really get on our son's case doing so to the point of verbal abuse (which is only a speculation based on what I went through being married to him for 11 years and what my son has been saying is going on)
My son now has refused to go back to his dads for the 50/50 placement that is court ordered, and resorted to running away when we tried to force him to go. I no longer try to force it and the running away has halted. But dad and step mom are none to happy with us. I've left the ball in thier court letting them know I am willing to work with them in any other way to work out the issue, but can not kick him out to try to force it as that hasn't been effective. Dad also has denied being part of the reason our son is acting the way he is, and I've also told them until he realizes he is that the problem can't be solved....
Although school is better this year so far (only three weeks into it) than the past few years and we have been able to address some of othe behavior issues, I am still concerned about the pot and cigarette use, and know the tables can turn back as easlily as they've turned for the better.
I've read some of your postings and in the heat of some of our issues with him have been at our wits end not knowing what to do next with him and also knowing we can not tolerate his behaviors in our home.
It's like an emotional roller coaster and we are on the hill heading up again..... but afraid of the down hills.
Looking for advice or suggestions.....