Not sure how to handle this, advice please!

[hearthope]

Okay everyone, I have allowed myself to be the rug under his feet again!

I never had intentions to pay for anything with the prom, I was shocked that he even mentioned it. I really didn't know how to respond to him (all those darn dreams I had for him shadowed my reality check)

I have found myself in a bad place. I can't seem to say anything to him without it excalating into a VERY heated arguement.

I do know that something has to change, but all I can think is to correspond in writing. I have tried three times to sit down and talk and each time has ended worse than the first.

He has not worked since last fri and that just makes everything worse.

He went today to have the sutures removed and they told him to come back sat. So I guess he won't work till next week.
Did I mention his 300 a mth fines he owes? That is why he is here, so he can pay back his fines.

In my heart I know he has not changed. He has hid what ever he is doing very well, but I know in my heart we are just dancing the dance. He is not ready for change.

 

[ScentofCedar]

Hearthope, your son is manipulating the situation again.

Good.

That means he is listening, whatever it looks like to you.

He won't listen?

Stop talking.

Post your expectations on the fridge. If you feel like it, request that he sign it so you know he has read it.

Otherwise, presume he has read it.

Keep everything really simple and clear. Ask him to add any comments or changes he would like to see.

Add something about how if you both bend just a little, you will all make it through this.

Begin preparing yourself for how you will tell this child to leave, and how you will cope with the pain and confusion that brings.

Will he go quietly or will you need to call in the police.

It may never come to that?

But you need to know that is an option.

Is drug use playing any part in what is happening to your son?

Even just marijuana?

Barbara

 

[KFld]

I'm so sorry you are stuck in this place. You don't deserve it and you have to do something about it. You and husband need to sit down together and decide what needs to happen, and then make it happen. This situation is only going to continue to escalate because difficult child is not getting it!!!!

How is easy child holding up through all of this. Don't allow him to ruin her.

 

[Jen]

I beleive that unless he is graduating from the HS, the only way he can go is with a date that attends that HS.

I hear ya on that they always turn the focus of fault away from themselves, blame it on someone else, and become the vicitim in their eyes. My difficult child is 22 and still plays that game. I dont react to that anymore because it is pointless, and they do get their jollies off of you reacting to it.

So, back to what do you do. Wouldnt help him cause that sewnds wrong messages to you daughter that has the positive point in your life. You owe him no explanation. There wont be much you can do to stop him if a girl asks, adn pays his way except,. maybe a head up to her.

Jen