Question for Those Familiar with Borderline (BPD) and False Accusations...

[Hound dog]

Ok, Daisy.............First I'm going to say I didn't read the responses, so........yeah.

It's NOT that a child has to have been abused to have Borderline (BPD). It's that a child has suffered trauma (or traumatic events) is believed to be the cause of Borderline (BPD). Now that may not sound much better to you than it did to me when I was arguing with not one but 2 psychiatrists that I couldn't understand how on earth Nichole who had never been abused could possibly have a diagnosis of Borderline (BPD), while also being able to admit the diagnosis fit. That was when the definition was corrected for me by both psychiatrists. (very good psychiatrists too I might add)

psychiatrist at the psychiatric hospital, whom I started the argument with.........well, she said trauma of course doesn't necessarily mean abuse in any form. It can be all sorts of things.....that wind up being a traumatic experience for that particular child at that particular time in life for whatever reason. Put this way........Nichole had two sources, her eldest sister's abandonment, and the fact that I have a terminal diagnosis with a chronic illness that caused many many hospitalizations over the years. (think a lot of mini abandonment's during early childhood particularly) While my illness wasn't enough to send her over into a diagnosis.....it combined with her sister's very real abandonment, taking 2 grandchildren Nichole basically loved nearly like siblings with her, was enough to send her over the edge into Borderline (BPD).

So then of course I had to argue that it certainly had not affected the other 2 kids that way........and psychiatrist answered well that would make sense as their relationships with me would be different and they had different personalities. And yeah, it made sense.

Had Katie not done what she did, Nichole probably would have never made it over that edge unless something else caused it.

So, there you go. There is one case you personally know about that had nothing to do with abuse.

I'd be hunting a doctor, and while trying to find a good fit, in the first interview get their opinion/belief on what the cause of Borderline (BPD) is, if they say abuse instead of trauma.........then keep looking.

Hugs

 

[flutterby]

http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/documents/A_BPD_Brief_Jun06.pdf

The degree in which Borderline Personality Disorder is caused by inborn factors, called the “level of heritability” is estimated to be 52-68%. This is about the same as for bipolar disorder. What is believed to be inherited are the biogenetic dispositions, i.e., temperaments, (or, as noted above, phenotypes), for Affective Dysregulation, Impulsivity, and Interpersonal Hypersensitivity. For children with these inborn dispositions, environmental factors can then significantly delimit or exacerbate them into adult Borderline (BPD). But, in addition, some more Borderline (BPD)-specific disposition is inherited that glues these phenotypes together.

[...]

Like most other mental illnesses, Borderline Personality Disorder does not appear to originate during a specific, discrete phase of development. Recent studies have suggested that pre-borderline children fail to learn accurate ways to identify feelings or to accurately attribute motives in themselves and others (often called failures of “mentalization”). Such children fail to develop basic mental capacities that constitute a stable sense of self and make themselves or others understandable or predictable. One important theory has emphasized the critical role of an invalidating environment. This occurs when a child is led to believe that his or her feelings, thoughts and perceptions are not real or do not matter.

About 70% of people with Borderline (BPD) report a history of physical and/or sexual abuse. Childhood traumas may contribute to symptoms such as alienation, the desperate search for protective relationships, and the eruption of intense feeling that characterize Borderline (BPD). Still, since relatively few people who are physically or sexually abused develop the borderline disorder (or any other psychiatric disorder) it is essential to consider temperamental disposition. Since Borderline (BPD) can develop without such experiences, these traumas are not sufficient or enough by themselves to explain the illness. Still, sexual or other abuse can be the “ultimate” invalidating environment. Indeed, when the abuser is a caretaker, the child may need to engage in splitting (denying feelings of hatred and revulsion in order to preserve the idea of being loved). Approximately 30% of people with Borderline (BPD) have experienced early parental loss or prolonged separation from their parents, experiences believed to contribute to the borderline patient’s fears of abandonment. People with Borderline (BPD) frequently report feeling neglected during their childhood. Sometimes the sources for this sense of neglect are not obvious and might be due to a sense of not being sufficiently understood. Patients often report feeling alienated or disconnected from their families. Often they attribute the difficulties in communication to their parents. However, the Borderline (BPD) individual’s impaired ability to describe and communicate feelings or needs, or resistance to self-disclosure may be a significant cause of the feelings of neglect and alienation.

I haven't read all of the responses, but in my experience and opinion a bad therapist is much, much worse than no therapist at all. been there done that have the t-shirt.

 

[AnnieO]

And that last paragraph that Heather posted is a definition of my Onyxx.

 

[DaisyFace]

I just wanted to update everyone that I cancelled that appointment and never looked back.

I also informed the state that we would not be dealing with that therapist because I felt that she was not qualified to treat my daughter's issues.

Then I had to deal with some paperwork-bs-runaround junk with the state and I have finally ended that, too.

So for now - we have absolutely NO therapists, psychiatrists, social workers, counselors, caseworkers, specialists, NOTHING. This is the first time in 12 years that I have not had a team of "experts" questinging my every move over how to properly deal with my child.

I must say....it feels good. Without all the constant questioning, second-guessing, and condescending know-it-all advice - I suddenly feel smarter and more confident....as though my IQ has increased by about 50 points.

 

[keista]

I must say....it feels good. Without all the constant questioning, second-guessing, and condescending know-it-all advice - I suddenly feel smarter and more confident....as though my IQ has increased by about 50 points.

Congratulations! HUGE LIKE!

 

[AnnieO]

I'm with keista - HUMONGOUS LIKE!!!

 

[buddy]

I just wanted to update everyone that I cancelled that appointment and never looked back.

I also informed the state that we would not be dealing with that therapist because I felt that she was not qualified to treat my daughter's issues.

I must say....it feels good. Without all the constant questioning, second-guessing, and condescending know-it-all advice - I suddenly feel smarter and more confident....as though my IQ has increased by about 50 points.

Good for you. I've only fired a couple who clearly didn't know best practice for our issues and it was a relief too. You had a whole chaotic system failing you and her for far too long. Enjoy the break and count the days till 18!

 

[flutterby]

With all of the koi they have put you through, this has to feel *amazing*.

 

[exhausted]

I can't tell you how thrilled I am to hear this-you have been through the wringer! That said, these kids are exhausting work-find support out there-call NAMI. I also go to an online support for Borderline (BPD)-I mostly lurk and read all the great stuff they have. Very different way of dealing with their kids on the parental side-not sure where I am with that yet. I do think it is interesting.

 

[ameli]

I am hoping to get some advice on this...

Since we are moving soon - we are changing MH clinics and therefore a new therapist. The new therapist seems OK - except that she is firmly in the camp of "Borderline Personality Disorder (Borderline (BPD)) is caused by childhood abuse". There is absolutely NO evidence of any kind of abuse of difficult child...but new therapist feels strongly that there was most likely sexual abuse at a very early age. therapist feels that it is very easy for me to have been completely unaware and for difficult child to not have any conscious memory of this abuse.

My immediate reaction is ANGER because to argue that my child was abused while she was still in diapers invariably implicates my husband - and there is NO WAY in HADES that he EVER touched that baby inappriopriately. And who does that leave? Grandpa? Another toddler at daycare? It's crazy!

But - my second reaction is that childhood abuse IS commonly linked to Borderline Personality Disorder (Borderline (BPD))....and even if difficult child does not hear it from this therapist - she is likely to hear it from other people. So if I argue against this therapist and ask for a different assignment - it doesn't necessarily mean the "abuse" issue won't come up.

So my question is:

My difficult child has made false accusations of child abuse (and has accused guys she dated of raping her) for years. If a therapist tries to discuss "abuse" with her - it is likely to make the false accusations worse? or will it somehow validate a warped view of always being the victim? or would it actually be helpful?

If you have any experience with Borderline Personality Disorder (Borderline (BPD)) and false allegations of abuse - I would really like to hear your input on this....

Thank you!

You should ask the therapist, as they have made this diagnosis, how you can now help your child. Your child obviously has some deep seated conflicts and maybe anger issues- who knows until they have been properly assessed. Borderline Personality disorder is not a throwaway diagnosis but should be only used when the person has been properly dignosed. Perhaps they will always accuse and blame and so you might want to look at at coping mechanisms to assist you. I listen to my child and offer to go to the police and confront the perpetrator. They have always refused this offer and so either way there is not much I can do other than support them and try to move on, whilst leaving the door open for discussion in an open and supportive way and not hiding from any truth there might be. It is hard so good luck and try to get your therapist to give you the resources to manage this both for yourself and your childs sake.

 

[ameli]

I've been thinking about all the responses all day...

husband and I really REALLY want to just cancel the appointment with the new therapist and just forget the whole thing - the County MH center, the State people, ALL of it...

But what happens if we do that?

Is there a "worst case scenario" that I am not thinking of? What is the worst that could happen?

Well, that's the thing...

Anyone who "Googles" Borderline Personality Disorder (Borderline (BPD)) will find information that states that Borderline Personality Disorder (Borderline (BPD)) is connected to "refrigerator Moms" and childhood trauma / abuse. So the automatic presumption is that difficult child must have been abused in order to develop Borderline Personality Disorder (Borderline (BPD)).

difficult child's own stories have prompted well-meaning parents to notify the schools and the police of the "abuse" - and in each case the accusations have been quickly investigated and found to have no basis.

So in a way....we've already been down this road many times...

Google not the best place for a diagnosis is it? It is said that out of a medical dictionary we could find many symptoms that we can identify in ourselves. But I still say support your child and ask for assistance from the therapist. As for cancelling your appointment my only question would be is your child under any sort of court order? If not then you are free to make decisions for yourself. How does your child feel about cancelling? What is a refrigerator mom? : )