She's pregnant

[BusynMember]

I'm really sorry. So she's rather have a child exposed to drinking and drugs? Have her give me a call. I raised one. It breaks my heart that his life will be different because of his birthmother's choices.

I have no advice. Just sending hugs :/

 

[DammitJanet]

Nancy...I wish she would talk to me. Do you think she would. Do you think if I emailed you something she would read it? I would be glad to do it.

Im going to take another tack on this. Maybe this child wont be the worst thing in her life. I do wish she would lose the baby daddy though. He isnt just a loser but a hard core drug addict so I dont see anything good coming from this.

You know that having my kids was the best thing that happened to me. They caused me to grow up. It is possible that having her own baby will do that for her. It may be that one thing that for her has been missing that you couldnt give her. If she has to work to support this new life and herself, it might keep her to busy to be able to party. Kids take a whole lot of time. They take a whole lot of money. She has a baby to think about as of now.

I seriously doubt loser baby daddy is going to be around for the long run so she needs to get as much information about him as possible right now. Name, social, parents name and address if they seem somewhat stable, car tag if he drives, things like that. He is going to run at some point and she is going to end up a single mom. You have to make up your mind if you are going to stand by her. If you are going to stand by her, decide how much. Are you going to help with buying baby things or just helping with care. I think I would go with items in the beginning. See how she does at first. You can get them cheaply for her.

Nancy....if I can help, just ask. You know Ive been through this both myself and with Cory.

 

[CrazyinVA]

I'm so sorry Nancy. I know all too well the sinking feeling this news can bring. Twice here This could go either way, it could be the catalyst for her to change her life, or, not. I pray it's not the latter, for everyone's sake.

 

[DDD]

I just realized that you said it looked like she was living in her car. Do you know if she has left or been discharged from the support house?

One other thought that came to mind is her health insurance coverage. If she has been seeing one MD for her health care needs couldn't she make one more visit at least before being identified as pregnant? That way the Dr. could check her for STD's, remind her of the vulnerability of her newly forming baby etc. She should be covered up to the time of her diagnosis, I would think. If not, the pregnancy centers do offer the prenatal information that she will need and can't force her to terminate. I've never gone that route but I believe they have to legally offer all the info. The sooner she fully understands what her obligations are the better the chances of a healthy baby.

by the way (with no intention of presenting scary info) GFGmom's little girl was born blind in one eye. Based on what she told me, with some apparently honest emotion, is that it resulted from her not taking a certain prenatal supplement that was given to her or prescribed. When she discovered that there was a vision problem she took little difficult child to an opthomologist to be checked and he said to her "you are the reason for this problem because you did not take X like you were told to during pregnancy". It shocked her...and me. GFGmom has never had an addiction problem and yet this terrible result came about, evidently, because she skipped a medication to assure the baby's health.

Your difficult child needs prenatal care. My heart goes out to you. DDD

 

[CrazyinVA]

One other thought: she should check into Medicaid for pregnant women. Youngest was fully covered (as in, 100% no copays) by that throughout both of her pregnancies. Not sure if that's a program available in every state, but it is here. Even if she's currently on your insurance, if it has no pregnancy coverage, she may be able to qualify.

 

[AnnieO]

:HUGS:

The insurance should cover everything but maternity... Should.

Nancy, I don't know what to say. I had a horrible moment imagining O pregnant and it scared me to the point of nausea. Your difficult child does need prenatal care... But, hon, you cannot make anything happen, only she can.

I have no words, but I wanted you to know I'm here.

 

[DaisyFace]

(((Hugs)))

Ditto what CrazyinVA said about Medicaid. Medicaid will cover pregnant women and their babies. She should have no problem getting that coverage. In fact, many clinics and ERs will help her do the paperwork - she just needs to walk through the doors....

 

[hearts and roses]

Hugs, Nancy, this is going to be hard on you. Even working your program fastidiously, you will hardly be able to detach completely from difficult child if she is pregnant. There is a little baby in there that no matter what, your heart will love. The sad news is that the sperm donor is a loser. And difficult child is clueless.

The only real thing you can do at this point, well, once you've had a few days to collect yourself, is to point difficult child in the direction of planned parenthood or another free clinic. PP is not just for abortions. Some don't realize that they also offer prenatal care, very cheap and/or free for those who qualify. It would be a way for difficult child to at the very least acquire information about the stages of growth during her pregnancy as well as prenatal vitamins and, very importantly, provide her with condoms to prevent STD's so the baby is not infected by any on the way out.

Like the others, I'm sorry this has happened at this time and that you're world is being rocked. However, you just never know, this may be the impetus for change in difficult child's life. If it's not, I do pray that you have the strength you will need to help the child, not difficult child, but the innocent child. Hugs~

 

[busywend]

Nancy, I am so very sorry to hear this news. Sending many supportive, caring hugs your way.

 

[Suz]

I honestly could weep for you, Nancy. been there done that but at least Rob and Heather had a fairly stable relationship at the time they announced this news. In light of your difficult child's track record, I'm surprised that your husband hasn't retired so that the two of you could escape to Florida. I'd sure be tempted...

Like the others said, there are pregnancy programs out there for the uninsured. Heather's pregnancy and delivery were covered, and WIC was very helpful at least the first year with food, follow up appointments, etc. There are a number of programs available to try to help keep the mother and baby healthy, thank goodness.

As for your heartache and rage? I can only send you understanding hugs- wish I could do more.

Suz

 

[DammitJanet]

Yes she should be able to get medicaid for pregnant women and also WIC as soon as she has a positive pregnancy test from a doctor. If she is going to have a baby, she should now go and put herself on the waiting list for low income housing.

 

[Jody]

Nancy,

I am sorry that you are hurting. I am hoping that this works out somehow and that difficult child grows up as a result of becoming a mother.

 

[Nancy]

Right now I don't care if she gets medical care or not. She can't go on medicaid because she is covered under our insurance, however we have no pregnancy coverage and we have $10,000 deductible. They can't hold us responsible for her medical bills so good luck to any doctor or hospital that takes her. I am so disgusted it all makes me sick. She did this intentionally, she and this loser guy can figure it out. I feel sorry for this baby but it's going to be born with sooooo many problems that society will have one more difficult child on their hands.

I think she's probobly two or three months along and has had no prenatal and I'm sure never will. I'm done trying to help. Perhaps this jerk's family can help, if he has one. I'm sick of her playing the adoption and birthomther trump card. That piece of work never cared for difficult child ever. So now she's going to go through with this pregnancy because her wonderful bm did and hurrah she was born.

I don't really care what happens to her right now. I have spent toooo many years trying to do the right thing. Someone else can take over now. She can be a drain on society now. I know I sound harsh but I'm exhausted. I can't do it anymore. I can't care anymore.

Suz I wish we could retire and move to florida but poor husband has to work until he drops just to pay for what she has done to our lives the past twenty years.

Thanks for all your comfort and suggestions, but I honestly have no hope that this can be anything but disaster.

Nancy

 

[slsh]

Nancy - you do not sound harsh. Not in the slightest. I think I understand where you're at and I think it's a completely reasonable stance.

I hope you're taking good care of you.

Hugs.

 

[Signorina]

Hey Nancy - I hear you and I understand. You don't deserve this, you're a wonderful mother and at this point in time you have to put on your own oxygen mask first. {{{hugs}}}

 

[DDD]

I understand. Sending caring hugs your way. DDD

 

[pepperidge]

Sad for you, sad/angry at her. But I think you are the right path to detachment from the whole thing. Hugs

 

[Ephchap]

Nancy,

Ughhh. My heart skipped a few beats when I saw the title of the post.

First of all, no, you do not sound the least bit harsh. The emotions you must be feeling about all this are totally understandable.

I don't know what words will comfort you right now, but please know I'm sending gentle hugs and good thoughts your way so that you can get through this. If you need a shoulder or just someone to listen to you vent, feel free to call or write me.

Hang in there and please take care of you!

Deb

 

[mstang67chic]

I can't really think of anything to say but I'm sorry.

Hugs.

 

[Fran]

Nancy, she infuriates me so I can't even begin to imagine how you feel.
Hearing her justify her actions to keep the child because her bm did that is enough to make me sick.
Hugs.