I havent visited this site for quite a while. I guess because my story never changes. I still haven't spoken to my eldest daughter in close to 5 years now. I havent seen my grandkids in close to 2 years. I feel guilty because as the mom I feel like its my job to try to reunite with them but then I think about how awful it was for so many years and I just have no desire to have that drama in my life anymore. I am married again and have a really wonderful husband and his family is so good to me. I still have my middle daughter and my son and one grandchild who treat me so very good. It just makes me sad around the holidays. My oldest obviously doesn't want to be found. She is not on any social media. I know she is still in town. I just hate that my grandkids think I have abandoned them.