StillStanding
Active Member
There are many discussions about enabling and taking care of ourselves. I wonder... do you have any practical advice for things you have done that have helped your loved one?
Sometimes help is just help...
- Thread starter StillStanding
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
There is plenty of help to be had but only if the person accepts it. There is rehab, school interventions, community interventions, psychiatric help, psychiatric medications etc. Most of us have offered all to our kids. That in my opinion is practical advice.
If they won't accept the help then nothing will work. It takes an effort. We can not help somebody not willing to try or to change. I'm sure plenty are helped by these resources but their parents don't need to come to this forum.
If they won't accept the help then nothing will work. It takes an effort. We can not help somebody not willing to try or to change. I'm sure plenty are helped by these resources but their parents don't need to come to this forum.
StillStanding
Active Member
I agree. I have often told my son that I will only provide help that he takes advantage of. I've just been thinking a lot lately about what practical things might have helped someone. Otherwise, it feels so hopeless.
One thing that helped my DS and myself is tried to stop getting upset and emotional. I tried to say things calmly, even if he didn't want to hear it. And I told him I loved him. I don't think I could live with myself if the last words I told him was mean or hateful. Ksm
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RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
StillStanding:
It's hard to know how to comment without more information about your particular situation.
In my personal situation, we tried everything under the sun to help our son but he did not want to change his ways. We left no rock unturned and would have gone to the ends of the earth for him to make his life better.
Until I realized that it was all up to him! That I had to let go and let him do it. I was shocked to learn that. I thought parents were to fix it all....that we were magically supposed to have all the answers in keeping our child from his poor choices that resulted in suffering for him and us.
For us it was not a sprint but a marathon. We are all better now since he is living apart from us - which is not something I wanted and practically begged him to follow the rules - but he is finally starting to care more about himself and take responsibility for his own life. It has not been easy.
It's hard to know how to comment without more information about your particular situation.
In my personal situation, we tried everything under the sun to help our son but he did not want to change his ways. We left no rock unturned and would have gone to the ends of the earth for him to make his life better.
Until I realized that it was all up to him! That I had to let go and let him do it. I was shocked to learn that. I thought parents were to fix it all....that we were magically supposed to have all the answers in keeping our child from his poor choices that resulted in suffering for him and us.
For us it was not a sprint but a marathon. We are all better now since he is living apart from us - which is not something I wanted and practically begged him to follow the rules - but he is finally starting to care more about himself and take responsibility for his own life. It has not been easy.
StillStanding
Active Member
Thank you all for your answers. I was hoping there was something I hadn't thought of.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Even talking them into rehab doesn't work. They may go to earn our favors but they won't learn or benefit until they are ready. Many timers they humor is to obtain money...for more drugs.
There has not yet been a method invented to control others if they don't like our ideas. Many chose homelessness to getting clean
There has not yet been a method invented to control others if they don't like our ideas. Many chose homelessness to getting clean
StillStanding
Active Member
"Just do what helps you" might be the wisest advice so far.
