Son has given up on college

[susiestar]

My parents were both educators before they retired. My mom has her Ph. D and my dad has his Masters. Mom taught at a 4 year university and Dad taught middle school. You would think that they shoved going to college down our throats and down their grandkids' throats, wouldn't you?

Neither of my parents pushed going to college. They did absolutely and emphatically insist we needed some education or training beyond high school. Whether that was a 4 year degree, a 2 year degree, a vocational course, an apprenticeship, or something else didn't matter. It just had to be something beyond college. They also strongly encouraged us to go and do unconventional things before we had kids.

College just isn't right for everyone. There are a LOT of different paths through life. And sometimes it takes time for you to be ready for a path that was offered to you earlier. My brother did eventually get his bachelors. He had to take time off to grow up first. I think that Pigless' son probably really NEEDS some time to figure out what life as an adult is all about. He has had his head really messed up with this witch and after the early trauma from his uncle and dad both, he may just need to go and grow up. I honestly would recommend letting him have some time and space. I would not pay his bills but I would not let him sink if he gets too far behind either. He has to pull his own weight and do without the way young adults need to as they are starting out. This is how you learn and grow. But as he figures out who he is and who he wants to be, he might surprise you.

We are constantly surprised by Wiz. He is still working in the grocery store and he seems to really enjoy it. We think he may go back to college for his degree. He couldn't see the point when he went before. We think he might see the point before too much more time passes. It will be interesting to watch. We will always need grocery stores, but upward mobility is limited if you don't have a degree. At least in his current company it is.

The same level and type of education isn't right for everyone.

 

[Nomad]

Our son knew he wanted to go to college, but did it his way. He loved his summer job working 30 hours a week and didn't want to give it up. So, the first 18 months-2 years he worked there and only took two classes at a time.
Then he found a job 10-15 hours a week and usually went to school full time from that point forward. Sometimes a little less. It took him a good 5-6 years to get his BA. But he had to do it his way and it worked very well for him.
And yes college isn't for everyone.
I'm amazed at my friend's kid ...the Difficult Child plumber. The training period was short, jobs were plentiful and the pay was/us good. Bingo. That was the right formula for him.

 

[BusynMember]

As I reread this it jolted me into a memory. I was riddled with learning differences, disorganization and a short attention span. There was no help for this back then. I became in high school, depending on the class, either the teacher's annoyance class clown who disrupted the class or, if my friends weren't in one class, I laid my head down on the desk and shut my eyes or just wrote stories in a note book and if a teacher called on me, I just shrugged indifferently. That made even my non friends giggle. Teachers thought I was lazy and didn't like me. I didn't care.

I used to tell myself, "I would much rather the kids think of me as smart, but not trying than watch me try and struggle and know I'm dumb. And, in general, my peers thought I was smart but didn't try. I thought I was stupid, but nobody knew I felt that way.

 

[Littleboylost]

"I would much rather the kids think of me as smart, but not trying than watch me try and struggle and know I'm dumb. And, in general, my peers thought I was smart but didn't try

The insecurity and fear of failure. As someone said our DCs are more comfortable to be good at being bad then bad at being good or smart.

I have severe dyslexia and I was fortunate that it was picked up on at an early age. However back in the day you were made feel simple if you had a learning disability. I did not hit my self confidence stride with education until my final year in High School and it was under the support of an exceptional guidance counsellor.

 

[pigless in VA]

Do you have a plan for what you will do when he shows up at your door hungry with nowhere to go? Or when he calls you and is suicidal because he has nowhere to go and the former teacher has turned him away because he has nothing to offer her? He isn't a thrill any longer because he isn't underage and he doesn't have a home owned by his parents where she can use his mother's toothbrush and makeup.

Susie, if he made it to the farm, I would be beyond shocked. Ferb told me he never wants to come to the farm again. While he has been around at college, we have moved and sold the house. Living with us is no longer an option.

I fully expect there to be another "suicidal gesture." My response will be, "go to the emergency room."

I'm done. I cannot help this boy. He won't allow me. Whatever happens now is up to him. It is now almost as if he doesn't exist. I sometimes ache for that small, feisty little boy that he once was, but this young man is not someone I understand or want to be around. His drama is now his to own and handle.

I appreciate your support, wisdom and advice. Surely, I would be a terrible mess if it weren't for all of your stories. Love you guys!

 

[RN0441]

With my own son I have finally accepted the fact that he will probably never live the way we want him to live or do what we want him to do.

And our expectations are not that high! I'm sick of having hope and then having it smashed in my face again and again.

I think about him every day when I wake up and every night when I go to bed. I think of other kids too. Sure. But this is different.

Sometimes I feel he does not exist.

Sometimes I think I can actually FEEL how he is feeling and it's so strange. It's like we're both "looking at the moon" at the same time. I don't know if anyone else every feels that.

 

[so ready to live]

I really get this!

Sometimes I think I can actually FEEL how he is feeling and it's so strange. It's like we're both "looking at the moon" at the same time.

But I remember that I feel how he's feeling through my lens, ie. "I would be sad and lonely and defeated, etc" That is why knowing that for them it may be "just another Tuesday" helps me so much.
Pigless-so glad you're at the farm (and glad Ferb hates it), a better chance for things to just play out. You are right, you have more than tried to help, he didn't allow it. So focus on you. Great job accepting "It is what it is" I'm impressed. Hugs.

 

[New Leaf]

Sometimes I think I can actually FEEL how he is feeling and it's so strange. It's like we're both "looking at the moon" at the same time. I don't know if anyone else every feels that.

Yup, I do RN. The other day, after posting and trying my best to back away from the edge of the swirly whirly, on the way to work, this song came on the radio
SAIL-Awolnation {lyrics}
I BLASTED it, and all of the numbness gave way to frustration and tears. I thought, yup, this is my two. Sailing their own ships through the darkness. Blame it on my A.D.D. (alcohol and drug dependency).
That's them.
Blame it on everything, everybody, but themselves.
"This is how I show my love"
Yup.
Ugh.
This song reminds me of so many of our d cs and their stories, written all through this forum.
Sail.
I guess it speaks to me, so often I have written that our d cs are captains of their own ships, as we are of our own.

Makes no sense if our ships follow them down into the darkness.

"Sail with me into the dark....."

Nope, not going there.

Trying my best to sail into the light.


(((HUGS)))
Leafy

 

[New Leaf]

Pigless-so glad you're at the farm (and glad Ferb hates it), a better chance for things to just play out. You are right, you have more than tried to help, he didn't allow it. So focus on you. Great job accepting "It is what it is" I'm impressed. Hugs.

Yes, Pigless the FARM!
Yay!
You'll have to change your name, if you get a pig!
(((HUGS)))
Leafy

 

[RN0441]

Yup, I do RN. The other day, after posting and trying my best to back away from the edge of the swirly whirly, on the way to work, this song came on the radio
SAIL-Awolnation {lyrics}
I BLASTED it, and all of the numbness gave way to frustration and tears. I thought, yup, this is my two. Sailing their own ships through the darkness. Blame it on my A.D.D. (alcohol and drug dependency).
That's them.
Blame it on everything, everybody, but themselves.
"This is how I show my love"
Yup.
Ugh.
This song reminds me of so many of our d cs and their stories, written all through this forum.
Sail.
I guess it speaks to me, so often I have written that our d cs are captains of their own ships, as we are of our own.

Makes no sense if our ships follow them down into the darkness.

"Sail with me into the dark....."

Nope, not going there.

Trying my best to sail into the light.


(((HUGS)))
Leafy

I want to listen to it but afraid I'll cry. At work. At my desk. In the fishbowl. Will listen later!

 

[Littleboylost]

Yup, I do RN. The other day, after posting and trying my best to back away from the edge of the swirly whirly, on the way to work, this song came on the radio
SAIL-Awolnation {lyrics}
I BLASTED it, and all of the numbness gave way to frustration and tears. I thought, yup, this is my two. Sailing their own ships through the darkness. Blame it on my A.D.D. (alcohol and drug dependency).
That's them.
Blame it on everything, everybody, but themselves.
"This is how I show my love"
Yup.
Ugh.
This song reminds me of so many of our d cs and their stories, written all through this forum.
Sail.
I guess it speaks to me, so often I have written that our d cs are captains of their own ships, as we are of our own.

Makes no sense if our ships follow them down into the darkness.

"Sail with me into the dark....."

Nope, not going there.

Trying my best to sail into the light.


(((HUGS)))
Leafy

Oh I listened Leafy and how I agree I am not going to Sail any more either!

 

[Littleboylost]

Yes, Pigless the FARM!
Yay!
You'll have to change your name, if you get a pig!
(((HUGS)))
Leafy

Piglet is the auto correct Version hint hint