Son in prison again

[Bettyboo44]

I received news today from my son’s girlfriend that my son is in prison as of earlier today. He’s in there for domestic abuse against her, the mother to their child (their beautiful child who witnesses this ). It’s the third time in 14 months that he’s in prison for the same thing.
So many emotions have been whirling around in my head today, sadness of what he’s capable of, anger that he keeps doing this and dread of that call again ‘do you accept call from ….’ and what this call entails, “can I put money in for canteen just to make life bit more bearable for him in an already unbearable situation”- these are the words he’s used so many times before, as in how could I possibly not!!
He’s 26 and relies heavy on drink and has done since he was a teenager. I’ve lost count of how many times he’s been in trouble with the law, how many jobs he’s lost, and homes he’s been evicted from.
Previously I did visit him in prison, answered the calls and did put money in but I feel like I’m in shock or something, cannot believe this is happening again and so soon, 2 months after he was released. I don’t want to entertain this anymore or just don’t know if I’m capable of doing it over and over again….the unpredictability of those calls (which are ridiculously regular, gets a phone in his cell!), the expectancy for money every single week, the day round trip it takes just for one visit- not cheap either. He always says same thing, that if I don’t help him who will, and every time he’s released -whether it’s a short stint in the cells or longer stay in prison him and his partner/ ex (I can’t keep up!) end up back together

 

[dreenameri]

Hello Betty and thank you for sharing.
When you spoke of that shock I knew exactly what you meant, or at least how that shock felt to me. A numb feeling of disbelief along with the shock. And I recognize the emotional string pulling for money, as it is so similar to what mine does. And then for you to to watch it all end up right back where it began. Knowing the two of them are back together and it won't last long. I cannot imagine how frustrated and weary you must be. I'm sorry I do not have any elegant words of wisdom because I have just found my way here but after doing a lot of reading here today, I do believe we are in the right place. Stay strong momma

 

[Bettyboo44]

Hello Betty and thank you for sharing.
When you spoke of that shock I knew exactly what you meant, or at least how that shock felt to me. A numb feeling of disbelief along with the shock. And I recognize the emotional string pulling for money, as it is so similar to what mine does. And then for you to to watch it all end up right back where it began. Knowing the two of them are back together and it won't last long. I cannot imagine how frustrated and weary you must be. I'm sorry I do not have any elegant words of wisdom because I have just found my way here but after doing a lot of reading here today, I do believe we are in the right place. Stay strong momma

You absolutely do have words of wisdom and I am beyond grateful for them. Like you, I’ve just joined on here today, and never posted on any forum before (I wasn’t sure I had posted it correctly!)
Also, it brings me such comfort knowing you can relate. However, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone and I truly hope you find what works for you in order to get through this and gain some solace in reading some of the invaluable advice on here. See I do believe there is light in all this darkness, and that because we are seeking it by searching for things that brought us here that we will find it

 

[Copabanana]

He always says same thing, that if I don’t help him who will,

He will help himself.

 

[Bettyboo44]

He will help himself.

I hear you, I really do (it’s not my responsibility to continuously help him at the drop of a hat, when he keeps making these life wrenching choices) and I truly appreciate your words .
I’ve had 21 missed calls from him today, in the space of 2 hours, and still calling as I type this, and a voicemail of disbelief that I’m ’ignoring’ him at his time of need. Ive read through this forum a lot since yesterday and for now, I’m going to take this time to try mind myself. Who knows I might answer tomorrow, but for now, for today, I’m not going to feel obligated

 

[Copabanana]

Can you turn off the phone?