It has been one year exactly since MrNo had a 12 hour meltdown about returning to 6th grade after Christmas break last year. The next day, I contacted the Director of Sp.Ed. and told him that this was not OK: the school could no longer blame difficult child's adoptive status, his sister's perfection, his parents' "style", or his nonexistent ADHD and Learning Disability (LD) for his problems. HE WAS SED !!!!!! we'd known it for years, had him on medication, seeing a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker and family therapist and the problem was SCHOOL WAS KILLING HIM from the inside out. In other words, the school was the major problem in difficult child's life.
Before this becomes a book, you may wonder why difficult child was not in sp.ed. before this year: It's not as tho' I didn't know how to make the system work but the problem was no "program" fit his needs. I'm the one who always says ...write the IEP first don't talk prgograms but for my difficult child, the problem was no service (not program) was available to treat "I hate school so much I will do anything to alleviate the pain I feel--and no one can make me do otherwise" syndrome. Since difficult child is ODD, he made good on his threats AND remained above grade level and nonviolent so it must be the parents' fault not the schools'. Our life at home, however, was a nightmare that many of you know well: threats and sibling fighting; frustration over undone homework; failing grades, opposition, defiance, a foul mouth and puberty thrown in last year for good measure.
I finally figured out that what difficult child needed was LESS SCHOOL as a "program". He was always excellent at math..not a good student but just couldn't help that he "got it" and scored in the 99th percentile on standardized tests but never did his homework. He also likes science. Refused to read...still has only read 3 books; The Defiant Child, The Explosive Child and Sibling Rivalry... to prove to his SED teacher he wasn't Learning Disability (LD). (She didn't think he was but this demonstration really let her know how seriously difficult child felt about being mislabled.)
I know this is supposed to be a success story but if you don't understand how odd (as well as ODD) MrNo's situation was, the the good news makes no sense.
Anyway, I used my knowledge of IDEA97 to get MrNo out of school except for Math, Science, one elective of his choosing and SED resource support where he is not allowed to do homework but has many goals about talking about how he feels about school with the SED teacher (who is excellent) and planning how he is going to meet his school responsibilities without involving his parents. He also sees a social worker 3 times per week as a related service and she is good also. No gym, English, Social Studies or lunch. All this was arranged by having his psychiatrist indicate that full time school attendance would further damage difficult child's mental health, and written into his IEP, after eligibiltiy as SED was determined.
The other half of the day, MrNo was to pursue his interests in music privately at his parents' expense. (No funding for gifted ed.) He takes a piano, an organ, and a music theory lesson per week and practices 3 hours per day, 5 days per week.
Barb helped me figure out how to arrange his "homeschooling" when I was afraid I couldn't pull it off and The Explosive Child reorganized our household in a way that makes living with difficult child tolerable.
At the trimester, (November) he got a report card with a 95% in Science and a 93% in Math--both A's. Then he and his social worker decided that if he cut his practice time to 2.5 hours, he might add Social Studies to his schedule because next year, he will be required to take it. This was arranged although MrNo was very reluctant to undertake the reading required in Social Studies. I do not expect he will get an A but just being there is great from our perspective.
The music part is wonderful: No hassles about practicing and MrNo is very happy with his own progress. MrNo is playing in public without performance anxiety--prelude and postlude on the pipe organ at church on 1/2/00 and has one piano student of his own who, in 9 months has actually learned to play the piano to Level 1b. (No I don't know how he knew how to teach her but her mother was willing to let her be "the ginnea pig" and someone has to be his first student, LOL)
In school, MrNo is in accelerated classes, has only been late twice, is not truant or "ill" half the time, and is a "model citizen" of the SED room. All of this happened because he got a special education that was truly individualized and actually meets his needs. Even his SED teacher is amazed because she read the report on difficult child from last year and was really worried because he was so determined to undermine "the system" at any cost to himself. She told me that it really was wonderful to see a school program tailored to the exact needs of a very unusual child.
I wanted to let you know all this because Special Education. can literally work wonders, but only if it is individualized and appropriate to the specific needs of the child--not a "place" where kids who don't fit get sent.
I will be the first to admit that MrNo is very gifted musically and SpEd did not give him this gift. However, SpEd did liberate him so he can "fulfill his destiny as a musician" (his words at 11) rather than have his spirit killed by the school.
I wish all of you the very best that SpEd can offer and hope you will not focus on how MrNo may be different from your child but on how his needs were "so unique" that no public school could meet them, according to our s.d. last March. I said, "you haven't tried yet and you WILL provide a FAPE." The school is now so happy with the result, that by the end of the year, I'm sure they'll have convinced themselves the whole thing was their idea!
Who cares whose idea it was? MrNo is liberated!
P.S. Every rainbow has it's rain and MrNo is still very ODD at home, is foul mouthed often, disrespectful, ungrateful, and mean to his sister. However, with therapy and maturity, we hope that these traits will be left in adolescence because outside our home, MrNo shows his best self. Dr. Green helped husband and me Basket C as much as possible and concentrate on MrNo's gifts not his liabilities.
Not a bad outcome for only a year!!! Thanks to all of you for the support that made this success much easier for me to help orchestrate.
------------------
Martie, mother of Mr. No (Major Dep -in remission, ODD, not ADHD or Learning Disability (LD), musically very gifted) and a 14 yo easy child daughter. husband of 22 yrs.
[This message has been edited by Martie (edited 01-05-2000).]
Before this becomes a book, you may wonder why difficult child was not in sp.ed. before this year: It's not as tho' I didn't know how to make the system work but the problem was no "program" fit his needs. I'm the one who always says ...write the IEP first don't talk prgograms but for my difficult child, the problem was no service (not program) was available to treat "I hate school so much I will do anything to alleviate the pain I feel--and no one can make me do otherwise" syndrome. Since difficult child is ODD, he made good on his threats AND remained above grade level and nonviolent so it must be the parents' fault not the schools'. Our life at home, however, was a nightmare that many of you know well: threats and sibling fighting; frustration over undone homework; failing grades, opposition, defiance, a foul mouth and puberty thrown in last year for good measure.
I finally figured out that what difficult child needed was LESS SCHOOL as a "program". He was always excellent at math..not a good student but just couldn't help that he "got it" and scored in the 99th percentile on standardized tests but never did his homework. He also likes science. Refused to read...still has only read 3 books; The Defiant Child, The Explosive Child and Sibling Rivalry... to prove to his SED teacher he wasn't Learning Disability (LD). (She didn't think he was but this demonstration really let her know how seriously difficult child felt about being mislabled.)
I know this is supposed to be a success story but if you don't understand how odd (as well as ODD) MrNo's situation was, the the good news makes no sense.
Anyway, I used my knowledge of IDEA97 to get MrNo out of school except for Math, Science, one elective of his choosing and SED resource support where he is not allowed to do homework but has many goals about talking about how he feels about school with the SED teacher (who is excellent) and planning how he is going to meet his school responsibilities without involving his parents. He also sees a social worker 3 times per week as a related service and she is good also. No gym, English, Social Studies or lunch. All this was arranged by having his psychiatrist indicate that full time school attendance would further damage difficult child's mental health, and written into his IEP, after eligibiltiy as SED was determined.
The other half of the day, MrNo was to pursue his interests in music privately at his parents' expense. (No funding for gifted ed.) He takes a piano, an organ, and a music theory lesson per week and practices 3 hours per day, 5 days per week.
Barb helped me figure out how to arrange his "homeschooling" when I was afraid I couldn't pull it off and The Explosive Child reorganized our household in a way that makes living with difficult child tolerable.
At the trimester, (November) he got a report card with a 95% in Science and a 93% in Math--both A's. Then he and his social worker decided that if he cut his practice time to 2.5 hours, he might add Social Studies to his schedule because next year, he will be required to take it. This was arranged although MrNo was very reluctant to undertake the reading required in Social Studies. I do not expect he will get an A but just being there is great from our perspective.
The music part is wonderful: No hassles about practicing and MrNo is very happy with his own progress. MrNo is playing in public without performance anxiety--prelude and postlude on the pipe organ at church on 1/2/00 and has one piano student of his own who, in 9 months has actually learned to play the piano to Level 1b. (No I don't know how he knew how to teach her but her mother was willing to let her be "the ginnea pig" and someone has to be his first student, LOL)
In school, MrNo is in accelerated classes, has only been late twice, is not truant or "ill" half the time, and is a "model citizen" of the SED room. All of this happened because he got a special education that was truly individualized and actually meets his needs. Even his SED teacher is amazed because she read the report on difficult child from last year and was really worried because he was so determined to undermine "the system" at any cost to himself. She told me that it really was wonderful to see a school program tailored to the exact needs of a very unusual child.
I wanted to let you know all this because Special Education. can literally work wonders, but only if it is individualized and appropriate to the specific needs of the child--not a "place" where kids who don't fit get sent.
I will be the first to admit that MrNo is very gifted musically and SpEd did not give him this gift. However, SpEd did liberate him so he can "fulfill his destiny as a musician" (his words at 11) rather than have his spirit killed by the school.
I wish all of you the very best that SpEd can offer and hope you will not focus on how MrNo may be different from your child but on how his needs were "so unique" that no public school could meet them, according to our s.d. last March. I said, "you haven't tried yet and you WILL provide a FAPE." The school is now so happy with the result, that by the end of the year, I'm sure they'll have convinced themselves the whole thing was their idea!
Who cares whose idea it was? MrNo is liberated!
P.S. Every rainbow has it's rain and MrNo is still very ODD at home, is foul mouthed often, disrespectful, ungrateful, and mean to his sister. However, with therapy and maturity, we hope that these traits will be left in adolescence because outside our home, MrNo shows his best self. Dr. Green helped husband and me Basket C as much as possible and concentrate on MrNo's gifts not his liabilities.
Not a bad outcome for only a year!!! Thanks to all of you for the support that made this success much easier for me to help orchestrate.
------------------
Martie, mother of Mr. No (Major Dep -in remission, ODD, not ADHD or Learning Disability (LD), musically very gifted) and a 14 yo easy child daughter. husband of 22 yrs.
[This message has been edited by Martie (edited 01-05-2000).]