The Saga Continues: wow....just wow. :(

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Lil, Jan 7, 2015.

  1. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Fathers love differently Jabber.
    Sorry, not letting me quote!

    Yes, I completely understand Cedar. Mothers nurture and care for, fathers prepare them to survive on their own. When they are on there own, for whatever reason, the mother still wants to nurture and care for while the father....evaluates?...how they are doing. Doesn't mean we don't worry about them, just is a VERY different manner than the mother does.
     
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  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ummm.... there are difficult child FurBabies too... But the cases are usually less expensive and easier to resolve... usually. I've met some really difficult child FurBabies...
     
  3. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Jabber...you are making a lot of stereotypes, no?

    I'm into teaching my kids independence...did it from an early age. They were doing laundry by the time they were tall enough to reach the washing machine. I also wanted them to pick out t heir own clothes, even if they didn't match...lol. I was very softhearted, but did not want my kids to be dependent on me forever. I know men who are the nurturers too. They were not my two husbands, but they do exist. Neither of my two husbands (they get along and when they're in the same room, I call them "All My Husbands" after that dumb soap opera...) anyhow, both were not nurturing in the same way I was, but not the way you are either. First hub just plain didn't think about their minds or state of them and still doesn't. Second one is outwardly macho and inwardly a pussycat. And his daughter hangs the sun and moon. His heart melts every time he looks at her. But I don't think he gives too much thought to the minds of his grown children either.

    I think women in general worry more, but I also do not think all men are the same nor all women. I am a very logical thinker, which could be seen as man-like, but I'm not the only logical-thinking woman. I make decisions with my logic rather than my heart. I find it is more realistic and helpful. And I started pulling away from being mega-mommy when my kids were sixteen, to prepare them for eighteen and adulthood. If they needed me, sure, I'd be there emotionally. I will always be there emotionally. But I had expectations too...a part-time job, passing grades, help with car expenses and learning how to cook, which has really helped my bachelor sons!!!! I think in our family's case, this worked out well...all kids out, on their own, supporting themselves. Check, check, check!!
     
  4. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    I was thinking the same thing IC. Lol
     
  5. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Not any more than Cedar:

    It's all relative. I think that men and women tend to be very different in the way they feel in general. When it comes to Jabber and I...I think he's pretty much right on the money. But of course, as in anything, nothing is absolute. There will be people that fall into extremes and others all along the spectrum.
     
  6. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Not stereotypes, just over generalizations. It all depends on how you were raised or the circumstances you're currently in. A single mother is in a position where she needs to be both but how she was raised and what her personality is will determine the amount of success at them. I grew up in a large family with several older sisters. Some of the roles we performed growing up were stereotypical and others weren't. We all went to the woods to cut firewood but me, my dad, and my brother stacked it when we got home while my mom and sisters made dinner. Not that we couldn't cook, its just that my parents were raised traditional and reverted to that raising when there was no pressure to get things completed quickly.
     
  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    No, I think it's more about your personality. Nobody raised me to be this way (or at all, really). I just have always had a logical mind with an eye on the future. I don't know why. Nobody ever fulfilled any roles in my house. Up was down. Down was out. Wrong was right. Anything normal we learned from observation :)

    I think my logical mind kept me sane. All three of us are realists.
     
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    is this another nature vs nurture debate?
    :D