The Saga Continues: wow....just wow. :(

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Lil, Jan 7, 2015.

  1. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Oh I promptly jumped on that. LOL He meant it won't change anything for in what we are doing.

    Personally, I can't imagine why he'd lie about it.
  2. Hope_Floats

    Hope_Floats Member

    Just to put in my two cents here, which is probably worth about that much, and shows you how crazy I got:

    Once when my difficult child was still living with me, and I was traveling extensively for work, I bought one of those GPS devices that could be stealthily attached to things, and hid it in his car. Then at night in my hotel room I would log onto my laptop and see if he was actually where he reported to be, wherever that was.

    My therapist gently asked me, "Don't you think that's a little obsessive?"
    He reminded me that this knowledge didn't really help either of us, and that I still appeared to be trying to control something or someone that wasn't within my boundary of control. He wisely suggested that I get my face out of my computer and go do something for myself instead.

    So my suggestion would be, for what it's worth, to not even bother with the GPS on Sunday. Let it go. Especially since it changes nothing.

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  3. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Not a bad idea Hope. I actually deleted my GPS app (Sprint Family Locator) from my phone about a month after we put him out. I realized I was obsessing. I would GPS him to check up and see if he was where he said he'd be. It seems kind of at odds with the idea of "he's an adult".

    I'm sure it was less of a mature and thoughtful decision than that and more "I'm making myself crazy." lol

    Jabber still has his app, but he was never as likely to use it as me.
  4. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Well, that wasn't my idea, that was his idea. So I don't know why you quoted my comment instead of his because my comment was a response to his. :)
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  5. Hope_Floats

    Hope_Floats Member

    Sorry, GM. I'm aware that it was his idea. I was actually just feeling lazy today, and since yours was the most recent post that contained all of the relevant information, it was easier to reply using that versus scrolling back to find the original.
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  6. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Sorry everyone! Guess I should have been more clear on what I meant with that comment. Why bother GPS'ing him on Sunday if it doesn't matter? I don't trust him right now and if he was telling the truth then he has done something to help start gaining my trust back. If he lied, morbid curiosity as to how long he will try to maintain the lie.
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  7. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Hold on. You said you were going to gps him on Sunday. To which I said you can check his phone records if you want to know sooner. Then you said it was irrelevant because it won't change nothing. Thennnnnnn I asked then why bother gps'ing him if it won't change nothing? I was the one who said if he is telling the truth , it is a step in earning your trust back.

    Now you're telling me what I originally told you, lol.

    I just want to be clear on how the convo went so there's no misunderstanding.

    Anyway, no matter. I just hope everything goes well for all of you. That's all that matters. You guys deserve a break.
  8. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Ok, thank you. Just didn't want there to be any confusion. No worries. :)
  9. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Sorry GM, that's what happens when I'm on this board, FB, and WoW all at the same time. I miss parts of the conversation. The main thing about my initial "it doesn't matter" was about being on the lease until June. Sorry, I hadn't caught your comment about earning back trust. Even if he is telling the truth, this is only one step on a VERY long road back to me trusting him. Basically, right now Lil is very "Innocent till proven guilty" and I'm very "Guilty till proven innocent". Guess this is a good example of the difference in how men and women think.

    And I hadn't realized how late it was which would explain why I can't keep my thoughts straight!
  10. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Oh ok, because all I said was check his phone records because I agreed with your suspicions. I never once said anything about it changing anything at all. That wasn't even on my mind in the least. So when you said it (it won't change anything), then it created that question in my mind. But I do understand that you and Lil are corresponding with multiple people at one time, so I totally understand how things can get easily intertwined and misunderstood. No worries at all Jabber.
  11. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    I have had problems with this too, we both probably do because we have "only" children, nothing to compare "normal" with as they go through different ages.
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    He will maintain the lie for as long as he thinks he can get away with it. When you call him on the lie, he will act like it is your fault that he lied. He does not live with you. You are done helping him. If I were him, I would be #$$%$$ off that you kicked me out, told me you were done, and then continued to meddle in my life. This is how they think. If you are done, truly done, be done with it. Let the boy grow up. What that looks like is up to him. If he choses to do it in a way that you do not approve of...oh well. it is not a reflection on you. You did not fail. He failed. That was his choice. He is not so disabled that he does not know right from wrong. He would never agree to live the way MWM's Sonic does. Sonic had to be open to it.
  13. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    A mother's heart is a stubborn, loving, determined thing. I read a story once about a female pirate. She was a pirate captain, and she had her own ship. Her only son was kidnapped by other pirates. Calling to her across the open sea, they threatened to hang her son from the yardarm.

    The pirate woman threw up her skirts. Naked beneath, she roared into the wind: "Go ahead! I will make another!"

    And so, her son was saved, because that was true. By her choice, by her understanding of her own situation relative to her child, there was no vulnerability there to exploit.

    And because he knew what was true, and because he knew what mattered, and he knew what it was to be vulnerable and how to steer a course by the light of true things, the son grew to be a very great pirate himself.

    I am not sure how that fits in, but it does. I too have only one son.

    I think about that story alot.

  14. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Well....shiver me timbers....that's a site to imagine! :faint:
  15. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    My difficult child has lied to me too many times and with such conviction. I do not trust my son at all and don't know if I ever will, not to say that it couldn't happen but it would take him years to earn my trust back.
    If my difficult child's lips are moving, he's lying.

    I truly hope your son is telling the truth and only time will tell.

    There is nothing worse than not being able to trust someone you love.
  16. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Yup, that's pretty much it. Time and time again he has done things to hurt us and I've told him it will take time to earn that trust back. Time and time again, within a matter of only weeks, he just can't seem to understand why we don't trust him yet and why things aren't back to normal even though I told him that trust can take years to earn back.
  17. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    That was kind of my thought. Other than not thinking he's lying...not that he hasn't lied about such easily provable things before...but in the end, it's up to him. That's what I meant when I said I'm done. No more money. We'll do the bare minimum we said we'd do. I expect set-backs. Job or not, I expect he'll ask for money. I expect he'll say he can't make it. I expect there will be tears (mine, mostly) and shouting (his, mostly). But we'll know when it happens.

    :embarrassed:I have no response to this. LOL!!!

    I wrote my son a letter once, for his 18th birthday, and in it I told him that a mother's love for her child is a fierce and primal love...that while men love their children, it's simply different for women because they are literally a part of you. So if I seemed too overbearing, if I pushed to much, to bear with me. Wish I still had that letter - I was very eloquent. :)

    Yes, over and over he's said, "I just want things to be like they used to be." He has a real problem with things being different, even though they simply have to be.


    We're watching Evan Almighty right now. My favorite part is on:

    "God: Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

    From the first time I heard this it resonated with me. So...I think today I'm going to try to think of all this as opportunities. At least for a while.
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  18. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    IF - and we don't know this - IF he is an Aspie, then in reality, he probably just doesn't understand. Aspies think differently, process input differently. It's hard for them to learn to relate to and live in the "real" world... (i.e. neurotypical world... their world is just as real, and neurotypicals are just as lost in that world)
    IF he is Aspie, it's going to be a huge learning curve for all of you... it's not easy.
  19. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Problem is that we may never know unless he removes his cranium from his orifice long enough to agree to testing! Time will tell.
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean... it's a bit of a chicken and egg situation.