I agree with everyone else about taking the threat seriously, though it is hard to do. Just last night, Peter Pan told me that no one was taking him seriously enough about his thoughts of suicide. I responded that I did take him seriously and offered to take him to the emergency room. He immediately backed off--"I'm not going to commit suicide tonight"--and asked to see a mental health counselor today. So this morning I spent 2 hours making him an appointment, and woke him at 1 pm (yup!) only to hear that he didn't feel the need to talk to anyone and was going back to sleep. If we were not on the wait list for a residential program right now, he would be on the street. And next time he tells me he feels suicidal and I'm not taking it seriously enough, I am dialing 911 before he can change his mind. We are not psychiatrists, we are parents, and this load should not be borne.
The suicide letter..and the drama king
- Thread starter justtired
- Start date
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I completely agree that you cannot take any sort of talk about killing oneself as just idle threats. Even though he is obviously using this as a manipulation (we all think), I would call his bluff in a nanosecond and have him escorted to the local psychiatric ward. I have had to do this twice since my son has been an adult...once for him and once for a so called friend of his. The second time he had the person committed but I was the driver. Even my son knows you dont say suicide and expect not to end up in the hospital!
I do think that it would probably be a very good idea since your son is 24 and seems able to work that he might be nudged to get a full time job and then nudged to get an apartment or some other living place. He needs to be out of your home. He will do much better on his own...trust me. He still sees himself as a teenager. He is acting like a teenager. He wants to be treated like a child. He needs to be a man. He will feel better about himself when he is a man.
I do think that it would probably be a very good idea since your son is 24 and seems able to work that he might be nudged to get a full time job and then nudged to get an apartment or some other living place. He needs to be out of your home. He will do much better on his own...trust me. He still sees himself as a teenager. He is acting like a teenager. He wants to be treated like a child. He needs to be a man. He will feel better about himself when he is a man.
ok, lets say he does threaten suicide again and I call the police. Are they going to take my word over his if he denies it? I can just see it in my head now... police and ambulance arrive sirens blaring, and my son sitting there clipping his toenails saying he never threatened to kill himself, and his moms just crazy.
He deleted his suicide note off my computer and I can't find it again. He wrote it on 'notebook or is it notepad?'.. Is there any way to retrieve that?
I even tried looking for system restore which I know this computer had on it when I bought it, but the whole program is missing.
We are nudging but it's not working. He tells us what we want to hear and that's it. He was supposed to call the GED school today be he decided to put it off, and then he tells me that since he's moving out in a month, 'or a couple of months'..then 'what's the point of getting his GED'?
thats the mentality of what I'm dealing with.
He deleted his suicide note off my computer and I can't find it again. He wrote it on 'notebook or is it notepad?'.. Is there any way to retrieve that?
I even tried looking for system restore which I know this computer had on it when I bought it, but the whole program is missing.
We are nudging but it's not working. He tells us what we want to hear and that's it. He was supposed to call the GED school today be he decided to put it off, and then he tells me that since he's moving out in a month, 'or a couple of months'..then 'what's the point of getting his GED'?
thats the mentality of what I'm dealing with.
N
Nomad
Guest
Hard to say for sure if the police will believe you or your son. My guess is that they will review the situation for themselves once there.
You can tell them verbatim what your son has said and they will make their own determination. Don't worry what he says about you or what the neighbors think. Just make the call and remain as unemotional as possible...explaining the facts. Also, if he writes a suicide note again, quietly print it out and of course, make the call!
You might offer him a reasonable incentive to on his own study and take the GED. Not sure what that would be, but I wouldn't go overboard. The truth is that he should want to take care of that on his own. If you do something like this, make sure you stick to your word and do not give him something unless he does his part and you have proof solid that he actually got the GED.
Doesn't sound like nudging is working. I would set clear boundaries and limits up and let him know a DATE that you want him to move out.
If you make it January 1st or his next birthday, you can almost make it something POSITIVE. Something to look forward to. A celebration of sorts. Try to avoid making it a punishment or a negative. He might want to embrace the opportunity to move forward in life if he is able to do so.
As best as you can, try to get your emotions out of all of this. Be like a non involved police officer. These are the facts, this is what I need you to do, these are the consequences if you don't do it....let's move on....
Items that you might find helpful:
There is a book called Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend(authors).
http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Wh...5902/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1317681179&sr=8-1 This is one of my favorite books.
Two other VERY good books mentioned here are:
Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children: http://www.amazon.com/Setting-Bounda...7301352&sr=1-1
(has some religious information...might not be for everyone)
When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us: Letting Go of Their Problems, Loving Them Anyway, and Getting on with Our Lives : http://www.amazon.com/When-Our-Grown.../ref=pd_sim_b1
You can tell them verbatim what your son has said and they will make their own determination. Don't worry what he says about you or what the neighbors think. Just make the call and remain as unemotional as possible...explaining the facts. Also, if he writes a suicide note again, quietly print it out and of course, make the call!
You might offer him a reasonable incentive to on his own study and take the GED. Not sure what that would be, but I wouldn't go overboard. The truth is that he should want to take care of that on his own. If you do something like this, make sure you stick to your word and do not give him something unless he does his part and you have proof solid that he actually got the GED.
Doesn't sound like nudging is working. I would set clear boundaries and limits up and let him know a DATE that you want him to move out.
If you make it January 1st or his next birthday, you can almost make it something POSITIVE. Something to look forward to. A celebration of sorts. Try to avoid making it a punishment or a negative. He might want to embrace the opportunity to move forward in life if he is able to do so.
As best as you can, try to get your emotions out of all of this. Be like a non involved police officer. These are the facts, this is what I need you to do, these are the consequences if you don't do it....let's move on....
Items that you might find helpful:
There is a book called Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend(authors).
http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Wh...5902/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1317681179&sr=8-1 This is one of my favorite books.
Two other VERY good books mentioned here are:
Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children: http://www.amazon.com/Setting-Bounda...7301352&sr=1-1
(has some religious information...might not be for everyone)
When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us: Letting Go of Their Problems, Loving Them Anyway, and Getting on with Our Lives : http://www.amazon.com/When-Our-Grown.../ref=pd_sim_b1
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
He couldnt have removed system restore, it may just not be where you are looking or something. Check your trash bin.
Will the cops believe you or him...depends. They may or not but your average family doesnt just call the cops for the fun of it. Cops have a normal amount of common sense and can tell if you are the type of nutcases that decided on a Monday night to call the cops instead of watching Dancing with the Stars. Its more highly likely they would find it harsher on the 24 year old who is still living at home...or they do here. And they have to my son.
Will the cops believe you or him...depends. They may or not but your average family doesnt just call the cops for the fun of it. Cops have a normal amount of common sense and can tell if you are the type of nutcases that decided on a Monday night to call the cops instead of watching Dancing with the Stars. Its more highly likely they would find it harsher on the 24 year old who is still living at home...or they do here. And they have to my son.
I found the system restore.. but still can't find the letter.
He's been the perfect son since our last blowup. He put the garbage out without being reminded.. gave me ALL of my change when he went to the store for me.. usually he forgets to give me the change, and he's actually been chatty and pleasant to have around.
So, I know he can be a decent person... I just wish it would last, but it won't.
He's been the perfect son since our last blowup. He put the garbage out without being reminded.. gave me ALL of my change when he went to the store for me.. usually he forgets to give me the change, and he's actually been chatty and pleasant to have around.
So, I know he can be a decent person... I just wish it would last, but it won't.
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
Yup, calm before the next storm. Typical abuser type behaviors. And believe it or not, a kid can abuse their parents. Might be helpful (to you not him) to call a domestic violence shelter and have a chat with the staff. You may find it very informative. And you certainly don't have to get physical to be abusive.
If it were my child, I'd have myself in a lawyers office first thing in the morning to draw up formal eviction papers. I'd give him just the amount of time allowed by law. After that? Up to him. No longer your problem.
No adult child would be living in my home treating me like that. Nope. Not happening.
Travis still lives at home. He can't pay rent yet, soon as he gets his college loan refunds he will be paying rent again. Once his disability is in place he'll be paying rent and helping with utilities or moving out and paying his own rent and utilities. Even paying rent and such? He still does my trash. Still helps me with odds and ends jobs around the house. Helps me feed the dogs ect.
The cops aren't stupid, they'll figure out in short order what is going on. In the meantime, you keep yourself covered as far as difficult child is concerned.
Hugs
If it were my child, I'd have myself in a lawyers office first thing in the morning to draw up formal eviction papers. I'd give him just the amount of time allowed by law. After that? Up to him. No longer your problem.
No adult child would be living in my home treating me like that. Nope. Not happening.
Travis still lives at home. He can't pay rent yet, soon as he gets his college loan refunds he will be paying rent again. Once his disability is in place he'll be paying rent and helping with utilities or moving out and paying his own rent and utilities. Even paying rent and such? He still does my trash. Still helps me with odds and ends jobs around the house. Helps me feed the dogs ect.
The cops aren't stupid, they'll figure out in short order what is going on. In the meantime, you keep yourself covered as far as difficult child is concerned.
Hugs
rejectedmom
New Member
All suicide attempts should be taken seriously. It is too bad you didn't print out the note. Please do if this should happen again. Then all you would have to do is show it to the police and ask them to take him to the ER. I had to do this with my son. He was evaluated and held over for 72 hours. They offered him all kinds of help but he decided not to take it. Nevertheless I do not feel this was wasted time or money because it helped establish a psychiatric history and who knows it might have actually stopped a suicide. I for one would never want that on my conscience. -RM
