Turning my back was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do

[Heavy hearted]

Thank you. I'm just tired and want to wake up from this nightmare. I want to be able to laugh out loud again and put a real smile on my face. I want to eat and not think about my son may be hungry and alone. I get so caught up into the what it's, that I start panicking and want to go find him. Then I stop, take deep breaths and remind myself that God is in control.

 

[EarthIsHard]

Heavy hearted, I'm sorry you are going through this. Your daughter and husband are too though it seems it's so much harder for Moms, in my perspective. Even though your son will always be in your thoughts little by little you may find it a little easier to enjoy your daughter and husband. Mine seem to appreciate me taking more time for them now that every moment isn't in crises mode. I hope our sons see the light sooner than later. Take care of yourself.

 

[EarthIsHard]

I will pray we both find peace and they seek help.

Tired mama, Peace to you too and praying for the help they hopefully seek.

 

[february]

Yes, we pray for our kids and that God will guide them and watch over them.

It is hard as a Mom to go through this.

 

[EarthIsHard]

wisernow, I'm glad your son is doing better. I guess everyone's bottom is different. We thought bottom was realizing that none of his old friends want to communicate, jail time, time on the street, losing his room and board.. Unfortunately, I guess it's not yet because I figure if he was doing better he'd call eventually.
5 months now.
Has some of the schizophrenic symptoms subsided now that your son isn't using?

 

[EarthIsHard]

It's coming up at the 6 month mark since our son has been gone, still no word.
Our other two kids are young adults and we still provide some for them because they're both still in college and doing well. Interestingly though, one made an appointment with a psychiatrist and now is using a mild antidepressant/anxiety medication and yesterday made an appointment with a psychologist. Our other child heard the appointment being made, got the number and made an appointment too. I'm so glad they feel like they can work on themselves now and glad we have great insurance to cover it. Still wish that first child would be able to think straight for a moment and reach out for assistance.

 

[Albatross]

That's so hard, EIH. Addiction truly is a family disease.

I'm glad your other kids are realizing they need to get some outside support. I hope your son comes out of his cave soon, that he looks at the sun for a bit and realizes he has people who love him and reaches out to all of you.

 

[Littleboylost]

What courageous children and yes Albi I agree it is a family disease. I hope your son sees his way to recovery some day.

 

[EarthIsHard]

I'm interested in hearing what you have to say about the safe injection site in Canada...
Canada offers places for addicts to shoot up safely. Can the US copy the model?

 

[EarthIsHard]

I've been thinking about the question above because sometimes I think it's a good idea and sometimes not.
I wonder how many people actually use it so they can live more normal lives and go get jobs and just not die from using. Must be a low percent. Those people are already managing the use on their own, don't know how many but personally used to know my friend's friend with a very good career who allowed himself one time a month and actually stuck to that. Probably very unusual.
At times I think a clinic would be beneficial for my son because it doesn't seem like he'll ever be able to stop and at least he won't die. Then I'm reminded of all the things that go with that lifestyle. He isn't able to hold a job, the constant stealing to get the drugs, the mindset, or lack of mind that consumes his 24 hours each day. How would giving a place to shoot up help? There's never any reason to stop. It's kind of like him living at home so many years, the only difference is we were trying everything we could to get him help and to stop. There, maybe stopping would be his decision and he wouldn't get the nagging. But how many really do?

 

[BusynMember]

This is not just for keeping addicts alive. It is about the best for all people. It is so that addicts can use clean needles and dont throw their dirty needles on the ground where some three year old kid can pick it up and play doctor. This actually happens, although I never thought of it until a cop friend of Jumper's told me these discarded used needles were common! Addicts arent very clean.

I think this is about general public safety as well as safety for addicts. The public is at risk as well. Some people I know feel we should have clinics that also give out the drug of choice to stop the terrible thievery of addicts. I get it, even though I had a daughter who used. Addicts often break into homes to steal and bad things happen. Where I live over 90 percent of our crime is done by drug addicts.

My .02 guess is that addicts will quit at the same rate they quit now since they still will be largely sick, unable to work, alienated from family and unable to live normally. They would also not lose any resources that exist in the community. People who want to live decent lives will quit. Quitting is the only way to live a better life.

In this article it seems we are once more the only first world country not doing something progressive. That makes me think it works on many levels but that certain people who scream about morality in the U.S. prevent this from happening. On the plus side for addicts, this is a safe place with no deaths. I see it as win/win. Our addiction rate is horrible and a threat to everyone, not just addicts.

 

[Littleboylost]

I've been thinking about the question above because sometimes I think it's a good idea and sometimes not.
I wonder how many people actually use it so they can live more normal lives and go get jobs and just not die from using. Must be a low percent. Those people are already managing the use on their own, don't know how many but personally used to know my friend's friend with a very good career who allowed himself one time a month and actually stuck to that. Probably very unusual.
At times I think a clinic would be beneficial for my son because it doesn't seem like he'll ever be able to stop and at least he won't die. Then I'm reminded of all the things that go with that lifestyle. He isn't able to hold a job, the constant stealing to get the drugs, the mindset, or lack of mind that consumes his 24 hours each day. How would giving a place to shoot up help? There's never any reason to stop. It's kind of like him living at home so many years, the only difference is we were trying everything we could to get him help and to stop. There, maybe stopping would be his decision and he wouldn't get the nagging. But how many really do?

There is a lot of controversy around harm reduction and safe injection sights beinga part of that model. Research and data actually show that these sights actually help engage addicts into self care. The eduction and support provide help drebuild their dignity and increases entry into rehab.
Funny you should ask as to say I had a rough shod gentleman clearing an addict come to my clinic door today asking if I was the safe injection sight. When I said no and stood up he backed away and apologized. I said it’s ok I am just going to direct you to where it is. The look of shock on his face made my heart sink a little. It was hot I asked him if he needed a bottle of water and then took one and thanked me with so much appreciation in his eyes. As a dear person said in a support group the other day they are not POS junkies they are sick. We set boundaries but that doesn’t mean providing acts of kindness and support in our communities. Still if he asked me for 10 bucks I’d say nope.

 

[beyondthecliff]

Hi Everyone -
I could be reading my own story among these posts. It is heart-breaking, tragic, and just an absolute nightmare. We have tried everything you can imagine to help our 18yrDD. Her problems began I would say about 9-10 - moody and so on. I put it down to puberty, but around 12-13 things got much worse. It's been years of struggle since. About 2 months ago we discovered she was smoking opioids. We have tried every therapy you can think of, every service available, every medication. She lies, steals, cheats, has no motivation, is sullen and it has impacted the entire family. She has left and come back twice. The second time there were some very strict conditions put in place - most importantly that she needed to help herself and be proactive in her health. We left today to grab a soda./We were gone maybe 15 minutes, in which time she stole money, prescription medications, and disappeared. Tonight - about 10 hours later - she swans in as if nothing has happened. I am certain she was high. I said enough is enough so she stormed out. <sigh> It is destroying the family. I feel your pain - this is a horrible disease, one that eats up everyone in its wake.

 

[EarthIsHard]

Well, I opened a piece of mail addressed to our missing son today. It was a bill from an ambulance company in another state for a transport from a jail to a hospital. Jail says he was released a week ago.. a little less than three weeks in, so not much of a charge. Turns out as of now he's on a hold in a mental health facility. I'm struggling on whether let him be or call. Ugh.

 

[Triedntrue]

So sorry that you are going through this. I think i would be tempted to hold off. The hospital would have to have his permission to share and if you contact him he may try to convince you to try to get him out or help in some other way. Right now you know he is safe being cared for and fed. It might be overwhelming knowing where he is and not contact him. Just remember if you do to hold your boundaries.

 

[Tired out]

Would it be possible to call and ask to speak with the psychiatrist not to him? Tell doctor who you are , that you are not fishing for information. You just want the doctor to know you love your son and are willing to give them any family background that may help.

 

[Littleboylost]

Well, I opened a piece of mail addressed to our missing son today. It was a bill from an ambulance company in another state for a transport from a jail to a hospital. Jail says he was released a week ago.. a little less than three weeks in, so not much of a charge. Turns out as of now he's on a hold in a mental health facility. I'm struggling on whether let him be or call. Ugh.

I think tired out had a great suggestion.

 

[EarthIsHard]

Thank you for the great suggestion. Turns out, shortly after your post, someone there reached out to say he was there. When we called back they couldn't speak because our son wouldn't sign a release. Given the issues they were having with him, they went way high up the ladder to speak to us because they needed some information. Long story short, he's having a very difficult time there and they brought him in front of a judge who extended his stay again. A staff member is no more than a few feet from him 24/7. Currently papers are going through for ordered medication. I am in favor of medication as a last resort though this really is his last resort. I truly believe, or want to believe, that a full year of being stable and no drugs will be a wonder for his brain. Heroin not nearly as much of a problem as meth. The past few years was the added drug meth and it's a whole other ball game. Eh.

 

[EarthIsHard]

Spoke with hospital holding our son today. They asked if we'd be willing to take him back because they're going to begin talking about release. Good news is they say he's doing much better since they started antipsychotic injections 2 weeks ago. Guess almost anything is better than a little over 2 weeks ago when he made an attempt on his life there. After the next injection in early September chances are he'll be released. Thank God at least he'll have been there 10 weeks and 2 months with medication which he never would try in the past. We're thinking we really don't want him back in our home, for our sake and his.

 

[New Leaf]

Hi Earth, Sounds like we are in sort of similar situations, with entities wanting to release our beloveds under our supervision.
Sigh.
I am sorry to hear of your sons attempt on his life. That must make it infinitely more difficult to make a decision.
I am thinking of your initial post and all you have gone through trying to help your son.

He’s abused our house, our sleep, our sanity. And yet, here I am, up in the middle of the night crying over this again.

I am so sorry for your heartache and the trials you have been through.

Three months before his 26th birthday, my husband and I decided that having him live at home was doing him more harm than good.

This is the same way I feel about my two. They just spiral downwards at home, like an auto reflex. Is there no other place for your son to go to?

We're thinking we really don't want him back in our home, for our sake and his.

I think this is wise. For both of your sakes. Going by my gut here and my own thoughts of Tornados request for supervised release from jail. Truth is, she is unsupervisable by me. It is a toxic cocktail for both of us. Too many times tried and failed is proof enough.
I hope there is another solution for your sons release. I would think the concentration would be on getting him to a path of self sufficiency.
My heart goes out to you.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy