Ugh Tough worrisome stuff with son

[Copabanana]

I guess my biggest worry is that the drugs will get him before he decides to really address the underlying issues

TL Our situations are similar in this, too. We both want our kids to grow up before their problems kill them. It is a horrible way for us to live.

I continue with your son to see the glass half full. He keeps at it. There is no real pay off for him to keep returning to these programs, but he does. Well. Maybe there is one pay off. He knows you want it. It is important enough to him to do this, perhaps, motivated to stay connected to you in large part. Who knows when this will click? When he will see that half assed gets nothing, that he is creating one of those doors, I forget what they are called, the ones where you walk in and the glass goes around in a circle? Oh yeah. Revolving door. Gee.

The answer for both of us continues to be the same thing: let them handle their business and not over-react at the voice over garbage that does not mean one thing.

 

[toughlovin]

Copa..... I love the fact that at least with my son you stay optimistic and see the positive side even when I can’t. I talked with my parent mentor with the program this morning which was helpful. She is another parent in the program whose son has been in the program a long time.....Anyway she was helpful. I dont know what will happen but she did remind me that while he is alive there is hope.... and also some reminders about addiction. And sometimes with addiction they really have to get to the point where they realize that they really cant do it on their own.... and I think my son has realized that he is truly addicted to heroin and to alcohol but he he still thinks he can smoke pot. So maybe he has to go down the road with pot too....I am pretty sure if he goes down that road it will lead him to a pretty bad place but.... he if he gets to that bad place this program does stay engaged with him, so if he stays alive they will be there to help him.... so there is my hope. And it does take the pressure off of us. I am very thankful that this program is there and extremely thankful that we have the resources to keep paying for it..... so so thankful for that. So in many ways I am luckier than many.

Thinking of you and all that you are going through with your son.

TL

 

[Littleboylost]

Just catching up on this thread. The Vape shop bake shop mix up is truly skit worthy. Oh what a good thing it is to laugh. Even in the face of the Greek tragedies that lie before us. My son was in a labouring job with a lot of people involved in the drug culture. We spoke about this and he quit the job he is now working at McDonlads. Close to home, good corporate training and no drug culture influence.
The fact that he lIstened and understood the dangers of his old job is a testament to his recovery and dedication to his recovery.

They have to invest more than we do or it simply doesn’t work. Mandated sobriety through probation or incarceration is not active recovery.

Hang in there TL. The mturity will not come before the active recovery.

 

[RN0441]

We are all more than thankful when they are in programs that are run by trained professionals. My son was in many but was not buying what they were selling. I actually felt bad for the professionals because all the tools were there for him to use but he wouldn't put on the tool belt. So frustrating.

I also prayed he would get sober before this would kill him but my husband and I accepted that he could die from this in spite of all we were doing to try to reroute him. He had overdosed more than once.

I really had to put him in God's hands. I knew that I didn't know how to help him any more than what we had already been trying to do for many years. He seemed to continue to get worse in spite of all of our efforts. That is such a helpless feeling. I know.

I think the key is to let their brains "dry out". Their thinking is SO SO SO thwarted by the drug use and the drug culture. It is horrifying to hear how they really think. We had no idea where he got the stuff he believed. How he lived his life. Nothing he learned in our camp.

When it's all said and done it's up to them and only them to decide how they want to live their life and to love themselves and to keep themselves safe. They are adults and we cannot monitor them 24/7. It's hard to let go of the thought that we can control the outcome. Very hard.

 

[toughlovin]

Little update..... Talked to the program today. He seems to be getting somewhat back on track hopefully. He met with probation last week which apparantly went well. He is meeting with the programs vocational folks and looking at things around school and jobs and career testing..... seems to be past the vape shop thing. Anyway at least he is working with them so that is good..... I am so so thankful for them!!

 

[Tired out]

He is moving forward and right now it is sounding better. I hope he can keep it up.