Update on Cory
- Thread starter DammitJanet
- Start date
Lothlorien
Well-Known Member
Someone would also need to cosing with the bondsman, no? Who is gonna do that?
I have to agree with Allan and Kris. Give yourself a rest and let husband handle it. I also wouldn't give a rat's patoutie if Corey lost his car or not. Chances are, he's gonna stay in jail for a while. Are you gonna pay his insurance and reg or even store this car? The heck with it, I say.
I have to agree with Allan and Kris. Give yourself a rest and let husband handle it. I also wouldn't give a rat's patoutie if Corey lost his car or not. Chances are, he's gonna stay in jail for a while. Are you gonna pay his insurance and reg or even store this car? The heck with it, I say.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Well I got the car...go ahead and yell at me now. But it was easier for me because the ride I got to my therapist took me to it and I could get my dog food (along with a few other grocery items) at the place that Cory left the car and then just drive the car home and park it at the edge of the property.
As far as paying insurance and registration! LMAO...the car has never been registered or had insurance! Dont you know those rules are for regular folks not for difficult children!
Now mind you...Cory who had to know he had warrants out on him was driving around in a car with NO LICENSE, NO INSURANCE, NO TAGS and NO REGISTRATION! And not one of our counties finest noticed! Or if they did..they just gave him another ticket and never ran him for wants and warrants.
Ohhhh yeah...I love this place.
By the way...some of Corys buddies have been dropping by...lmao...seems they have been calling down to the courthouse to find out how much Corys bail is. They said they were told they would have to bring at least $5000 in cash to get him out. Oh well...guess he sits. At least orange does look good on him.
As far as paying insurance and registration! LMAO...the car has never been registered or had insurance! Dont you know those rules are for regular folks not for difficult children!
Now mind you...Cory who had to know he had warrants out on him was driving around in a car with NO LICENSE, NO INSURANCE, NO TAGS and NO REGISTRATION! And not one of our counties finest noticed! Or if they did..they just gave him another ticket and never ran him for wants and warrants.
Ohhhh yeah...I love this place.
By the way...some of Corys buddies have been dropping by...lmao...seems they have been calling down to the courthouse to find out how much Corys bail is. They said they were told they would have to bring at least $5000 in cash to get him out. Oh well...guess he sits. At least orange does look good on him.
I agree with Matlem. let husband handle Cory. dang it my ex pulled the same rescue stuff with ant and never stood up for me. all it taught ant was that he could be abusive and not have to face the music. he learned to victimize women. I looked like a major witch because I was always trying to get ant to do the right thing. it was impossible for me to enforce a dang thing. it always ended up being my fault for being too strict, having rules, blah blah.
ugh!
ugh!
donna723
Well-Known Member
One possible problem I can see ... if something like this happened here, if someone who owned property - land or a home - was willing to sign a property bond, they would accept that in lieu of bail money. Do they do that where you are? Would anyone be stupid enough to do that for Cory? Would his dad do it since they have come to an "agreement"? I say "stupid enough" because if the person doesn't show up for court, you can lose your property! Would he do that?
When I was going through my divorce, my almost-ex violated an order I had and came to my house while I was at work, going through all my things, taking what he wanted including the battery out of my sons car! I had him arrested. He was outraged! Well, duh! What did he expect! And he was right out again just as soon as one of his bone-headed buddies could get to the jail and sign a property bond!
When I was going through my divorce, my almost-ex violated an order I had and came to my house while I was at work, going through all my things, taking what he wanted including the battery out of my sons car! I had him arrested. He was outraged! Well, duh! What did he expect! And he was right out again just as soon as one of his bone-headed buddies could get to the jail and sign a property bond!
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I dont know if anyone could post a property bond in lieu of this cash bond but it wouldnt matter in our case anyway. My house is in my name but it is a mobile home and here the bail bondsmen wont take a mobile home...who knows why. The land is heir property and we cannot use that as a property bond because we cant take a loan out against it. We only have lifetime rights.
Now whether any of his friends would put up any of their vehicles etc against a bond that high? I doubt it. Most dont have new vehicles or paid off vehicles. Most have junkers.
I may be a fool but I am going to visit him tomorrow and tell him that we cannot and will not bail him out. That his best bet is to get all the charges on the table and then work with the DA to get everything together so he can get his sentence started and this time over. He can use this time to rethink how he wants his life to go from this time forward. I am gonna also advise him to ask for a psychiatric evaluation because of his bipolar.
Now whether any of his friends would put up any of their vehicles etc against a bond that high? I doubt it. Most dont have new vehicles or paid off vehicles. Most have junkers.
I may be a fool but I am going to visit him tomorrow and tell him that we cannot and will not bail him out. That his best bet is to get all the charges on the table and then work with the DA to get everything together so he can get his sentence started and this time over. He can use this time to rethink how he wants his life to go from this time forward. I am gonna also advise him to ask for a psychiatric evaluation because of his bipolar.
Marguerite
Active Member
Janet, I'd come and get you and drive you around, but I think that would flood the motor.
I strongly urge you to leave as much with husband as you can, in terms of ding this or doing that. certainly if you can hep with talking to people on his behalf - you have the contacts there - but if husband had to inconvenience himself more, and put himself out financially (as he would have had to do if he'd had the car towed, for example) then maybe he would not be quite so one-eyed about this. You did what you had to do about the car but I suspect you will need to have it moved on soon, or you will be in breach of other regulations in terms of abandoned vehicles, having custody of unregistered/uninsured vehicle - not sure about your laws, but we'd be in trouble after about two weeks.
I suspect you've not only taken the brunt of this, but you've inadvertently shielded husband from most of this for a long time now.
Time to stop shielding. Take a holiday - you will still have your phone, but if you go away somewhere with the baby, even if it's only down the road a short way, you will be safer and also more distant from any action in your area.
If husband is so concerned - let him take over. And if he says that he can't leave his job then ask him why his job is more important than his son (since he seems to think that his son is even more important than his wife).
husband can't have it both ways. If you keep rescuing Cory, he will never get to a sufficiently desperate crisis point to get the help he needs, and to keep family safe.
Marg
I strongly urge you to leave as much with husband as you can, in terms of ding this or doing that. certainly if you can hep with talking to people on his behalf - you have the contacts there - but if husband had to inconvenience himself more, and put himself out financially (as he would have had to do if he'd had the car towed, for example) then maybe he would not be quite so one-eyed about this. You did what you had to do about the car but I suspect you will need to have it moved on soon, or you will be in breach of other regulations in terms of abandoned vehicles, having custody of unregistered/uninsured vehicle - not sure about your laws, but we'd be in trouble after about two weeks.
I suspect you've not only taken the brunt of this, but you've inadvertently shielded husband from most of this for a long time now.
Time to stop shielding. Take a holiday - you will still have your phone, but if you go away somewhere with the baby, even if it's only down the road a short way, you will be safer and also more distant from any action in your area.
If husband is so concerned - let him take over. And if he says that he can't leave his job then ask him why his job is more important than his son (since he seems to think that his son is even more important than his wife).
husband can't have it both ways. If you keep rescuing Cory, he will never get to a sufficiently desperate crisis point to get the help he needs, and to keep family safe.
Marg
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
Janet,
I agree with Witz, I would re-think visiting him at the jail. I think it may further fuel his anger at you. I also think some time away, maybe a visit to Jaime, would be a good thing. Either way, Cory needs to stew in his own juices in jail over the weekend.
I agree with Witz, I would re-think visiting him at the jail. I think it may further fuel his anger at you. I also think some time away, maybe a visit to Jaime, would be a good thing. Either way, Cory needs to stew in his own juices in jail over the weekend.
donna723
Well-Known Member
I agree with the others about skipping the visit to the jail. If I were you, I wouldn't go. Your absence would speak a lot louder and may get through to him more than anything you could possibly say to him right now. Let his father or one of his brothers go if they want to, but you stay put.
TM is right ... it could either make him even angrier at you, since he doesn't seem willing to assume the responsibility for any of this himself ... or he might mistake your visit for a "rescue mission", like you came because you were worried about him and that all is forgiven.
Either way, he's not going to just quietly sit there and let you tell him how he has hurt you and how disappointed and angry you are with him. I see no good coming from you visiting him in the jail, nothing to be gained at all.
TM is right ... it could either make him even angrier at you, since he doesn't seem willing to assume the responsibility for any of this himself ... or he might mistake your visit for a "rescue mission", like you came because you were worried about him and that all is forgiven.
Either way, he's not going to just quietly sit there and let you tell him how he has hurt you and how disappointed and angry you are with him. I see no good coming from you visiting him in the jail, nothing to be gained at all.
Janet,
I am certianly not in your situation but I went to visit my difficult child#1 in foster care today and it was a nightmare. She wanted me to be fine with everything and I wasn't. Wouldn't give her money etc. and the visit was horrible for both of us.
I would reconsider the visit...it's still too much of a crisis right now...
Peaceful thoughts sent your way...
I am certianly not in your situation but I went to visit my difficult child#1 in foster care today and it was a nightmare. She wanted me to be fine with everything and I wasn't. Wouldn't give her money etc. and the visit was horrible for both of us.
I would reconsider the visit...it's still too much of a crisis right now...
Peaceful thoughts sent your way...
Andrea Danielle
New Member
I don't know what to say since my difficult child is so young, it scares the he** out of me to read the stories about what can happen in the future...
I am thinking about you, sending big hugs and I pray things will get better for all of you soon.
Andrea
I am thinking about you, sending big hugs and I pray things will get better for all of you soon.
Andrea
Janna
New Member
Janet,
I am so sorry for what you're going through with Cory. I'm pretty speechless and not good for advice really.
BUT, I would like to say, that I understand why you are going to the jail. Regardless of what, why and how, he is still your son. If it was me, I'd still go see Dylan. I would be firm and let him know I wasn't bailing him out, helping him or whatever, but that I loved him and when he was ready to get his sh*t together, I'd be there to help.
Take care of you, my friend. I'm sorry I haven't been around, but wanted to give you my shoulder (and you can email me if you'd like anytime).
Janna
I am so sorry for what you're going through with Cory. I'm pretty speechless and not good for advice really.
BUT, I would like to say, that I understand why you are going to the jail. Regardless of what, why and how, he is still your son. If it was me, I'd still go see Dylan. I would be firm and let him know I wasn't bailing him out, helping him or whatever, but that I loved him and when he was ready to get his sh*t together, I'd be there to help.
Take care of you, my friend. I'm sorry I haven't been around, but wanted to give you my shoulder (and you can email me if you'd like anytime).
Janna
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Thanks.
I will probably only go this one time because he has been trying to call and I cannot accept phone calls. I know him well enough to know how he is going to react by now. He is in the desperation phase of this. I also know they wont be able to hold him but so long because of the overcrowding in the jails and they will keep reducing his bail until they just let him out. Thats the reality of jails today. Our hope is to get him to plead guilty to something so we can revoke that probation before he gets set free. I am going to attempt to play the baby card on him. The longer he drags this on the harder its gonna be.
husband cannot do anything from where he is because he works out of town. He is the only income in the family. He doesnt get sick days or vacation days.
I dont have to worry about the vehicles on the property. We own this place and its out in the country. No one cares if there are cars sitting here that dont run. Heck I have 4 right now I am trying to sell on craigslist that have been sitting around for years.
I will probably only go this one time because he has been trying to call and I cannot accept phone calls. I know him well enough to know how he is going to react by now. He is in the desperation phase of this. I also know they wont be able to hold him but so long because of the overcrowding in the jails and they will keep reducing his bail until they just let him out. Thats the reality of jails today. Our hope is to get him to plead guilty to something so we can revoke that probation before he gets set free. I am going to attempt to play the baby card on him. The longer he drags this on the harder its gonna be.
husband cannot do anything from where he is because he works out of town. He is the only income in the family. He doesnt get sick days or vacation days.
I dont have to worry about the vehicles on the property. We own this place and its out in the country. No one cares if there are cars sitting here that dont run. Heck I have 4 right now I am trying to sell on craigslist that have been sitting around for years.