Update on PO mess!

[klmno]

It was super's plan- super had made a few different comments that sds don't like working with parents and she didn't want to have to deal with me or have me disagreeing with any of her providers. She is the type of person who wants parents out of the way so they can do whatever they want without anyone questioning it. She should be working in one of the Department of Juvenile Justice facilities instead of CSU then, in my humble opinion.

That's why I sent the same letters to reentry people, too, so they can see that in reality, some pos aren't working toward reunification, they are working toward alienation.

See, no matter what was discussed, the plan really went from difficult child coming home with no services to being sent to long term post-d/gh and turning everything over to them. Either way, PO wouldn't have to deal with this case other than a monthly phone call and face-to-face visit periodically.

I'm still thinking the best course of action is to pick difficult child up, show up at GH with some witness at GH (staff) knowing it, asking if there is a court order there for placement, if not call PO and ask him where I am to take difficult child now and if he doesn't know yet, I'll bring difficult child home until rec'g further direction from PO because I can't abandon my son on a doorstep or street corner. We have followed direction then and there has been no violation. He didn't try to order me to do a parental placement (he just planned to sneak it by me but it would be an unlawful order)- he tried to order me to sign agreement and transport my son to GH.

 

[DDD]

I'm absolutely sure you are still mulling over options and probabilities. This is a huge decision and I don't envy you one bit. With your analytical nature I assume you are preparing for all possibilities. I do hope you hear something before tomorrow so a confrontation or "end run" doesn't cause more trauma.
Hugs. DDD

 

[klmno]

Yeah I am. Worst case scenario- difficult child gets put in detention for it which would require a court hearing within 2 days (or maybe one day), getting him an attny and appearance before a judge where a PO has to show cause to keep my son detained in a secure place for breaking the law- but I have already created my paper trail. That's still better than him sitting there in Department of Juvenile Justice incarcerated for some indefinite period of time past his release date because PO won't change the parole plan.. I'll see if PO has sent me a letter stating anything when the mail comes today- I haven't rec'd anything saying there's a court hearing.

The other thing about this post-d program, if a parent signs them in, a parent can't go sign them out. Now what's wrong with that picture? Any other parental placement, a parent can withdraw permission and go get the kid. So if he went there, he could be beaten to a pulp by another kid and no one is held liable and I wouldn't be able to go get him. Yeah, court order for that is required.

 

[DDD]

I'm hoping you do get something in writing today so you'll know what direction they are taking on the issues. Or, perhaps they will show up at your home today? There are all kinds of possibilities. Sigh! DDD

 

[klmno]

I thought PO would have done a home visit shortly after finding out Monday that I wasn't going to do a parental placement. But he didn't even mention it. And he never mentioned pursuing a court order. As of yesterday afternoon,the super at the Department of Juvenile Justice facility was still wondering why he hasn't told them something else and was still saying difficult child is to be released tomorrow "to be transported to GH". Now, she did confirm that PO sent this to her Mon am- before sending me the gh app and hearing from me that I was not going to sign parental agreement. True to his form, PO hasn't done anything.

And why the central office is sitting on this is beyond me. If difficult child was still working on his sentence, Department of Juvenile Justice can transfer him, place him, whatever. But they know he finished his sentence. Otherwise, it wouldn't require parental agreement. It's a no brainer- either change the plan or go get a court order. Department of Juvenile Justice can't place him there upon completion of his sentence without one or the other.

I think it's important to note the distinguishing factor here- a court order would not be ordering me to do a parental placement; it would be ordering difficult child to a post-d program, which again would be double jeopardy. That would not be me signing over custody or me agreeing to release them from liability or anything else. That's why I keep thinking this whole idea was dumb. There were actual reentry options and funding for them available. I asked for them and would have agreed to them. When I confronted the super, reentry lady, and PO with my list of concerns they were like "OMG look at what this kid has done, he needs consequences for this" and immediately decided on post d. The problem is that they were completely ignoring the fact this is what he was sentenced for and has already done his time so now we are supposed to be concentrating on him transitioning out of the system, not giving him consequencees for something he's already been convicted of and done his time for. But super is so stubborn she wasn't budging. Again, more reason for me to think she's used to being a probation officer instead of a parole officer.

Now, they might be trying to CYA themselves by forming a papertrail that I am saying difficult child is to come back to my custody, in the event he offends by committing another offense against me. But, they haven't looked at ANY out-of-home placement option that focuses on reentry- the only one the have looked at was this post-d "sentence" and that's not a reentry program or reunification plan. That's the biggest bulk of my complaint.

 

[DDD]

With all the unknowns have you been able to prepare in case he does end up coming home? Having all the balls in the air must be disconcerting to say the least. Hugs DDD

 

[klmno]

I've gotten his clothes washed- they were clean when packed up but I figured they'd need washing again since they've been packed up for so long. He'll need more clothes because many things (pants/jeans especially) will no longer fit but I can't get them without him going with me because no one knows what size he wears. (He doesn't even know because I asked him. *sigh*) Clothes have to be prepared, as much as possible, whether he goes to gh or home. Money is put aside for him to get stuff for his bedroom but I wasn't doing that until knowing if I'd have to continue paying CS for GH or if he's coming here, and I wanted him to pick out stuff for his bedroom. But the money is here and we can go at any time. SD has rec'd records from Department of Juvenile Justice sd and I have a call in to verify that they have everything they need to schedule the enrollment hearing. I've started comparing prices for medication insurance but am waiting to actually purchase it until finding out if he's officially in my custody, otherwise, an ins co won't touch a kid who's committed to Department of Juvenile Justice. Even medicaid drops them. They give him a physical at Department of Juvenile Justice so he's not coming out with medical needs. I'm thinking if he comes home, I can call VA and get an appointment for family therapy, that way I don't need individual ins on him to get him/us in front of a therapist; my ins will cover it if we call it family therapy, until individual ins kicks in for him.. A family therapist can still spend some time talking to us individually as well as together. He's not on any psychiatric medications so that isn't an issue. Am I overlooking anything? I do need to straighten the house a little but that's no big deal- that's just to make it more "homey".

Mind you, PO was supposed to arrange this stuff with sd and MH tx but....don't hold your breath. No big deal- I'm used to doing it for difficult child anyway and doG only knows where difficult child would end up in sd if I hadn't always done it.

In any case, this is why a good PO lets a parent know what's going on so a parent can get these things rolling. A po on a power trip or too incompetent, lazy, whatever, sits there like none of it matters. I might have to hide the computer a while or delete some of these things come tomorrow. LOL! Not something I want difficult child to read.

 

[DDD]

Sounds like you're making good selective decisions. Other than the computer the only other thing I can think of is sufficient healthy food in case he comes home so you are squared away. How about your television service? Do you have any inappropriate channels to disable? Lol, come to think of it there aren't many channels that don't have some inappropriate content. Sigh. DDD

 

[buddy]

I sure hope you get some more clear direction by tonight! Can you just lock your computer account and give him his own?

I have been thinking of you often... I hope it all goes well...keep letting us know what is up!

 

[klmno]

LOL! You mean I need to give up my porn channels? JK- I only get the cable package that offers extra sports, older movies, news channels, discovery, animal planet, stuff like that. No HBO, or extravagent stuff. Now, pay per view movies are allowed but I'm not sure what to do about that. You're right about some inappropriate stuff being on almost any channel these days but at 17 and coming out of Department of Juvenile Justice, I'm not sure a little is the end of the world. I wouldn't allow x-rated stuff in my house though- if I can help it. I'm praying the "threat" of this GH is motivation and I plan on keeping close supervision. I'm seriously not happy about PO not responding before now- difficult child was supposed to be scheduled for an ankle bracelet/gps monitoring if he was coming home. Sounds like he wouldn't be coming home, right? Then why hasn't Department of Juvenile Justice facility been told where he's going- as in, a place we know will accept him?

 

[klmno]

Buddy, POs don't work at night in this state- no cell phone number for parents, no working past 4:30 unless paid overtime then they are still not going to work longer than about an hour past that, no emergency contact, etc. So he's got 2 1/2 hours to come up with a court order or different parole plan. And while they are probably over there thinking this is to punish me or get back at me, I'm thinking eventually, some higher up is going to see how incompetent this is of them. And should difficult child reoffend, just wait until the judge finds out what difficult child's reentry plan was. I thought the judge who committed difficult child 18 mos ago was going to come off the bench and tackkle the PO there for a second- let's just say he didn't appear very happy.

In the most publicly recognizable way I could describe it, let's say a person is sent to prison and the reentry plan is for him then to agree to another year in jail with work release after his sentence has been completed. That's the plan to help him reintegrate into society. We do have things like that available in this state- they are step-down programs- but they aren't to be in addition to lenght of time incarcerated. That's where PO went wrong, well, one way he went wrong.

 

[DDD]

Pay for view beckons most teens. difficult child#2 was an ace at accessing those as well as porn sites on the computer. He no longer lives with us and is a legal adult...still does the same.

Since we have diverted our attention from the PO for a few minutes, a much needed break I think, have you outlined your house rules in case he does come home? The contract you hope to have if he does come home? Should it happen soon it would probably be good to be prepared. DDD

 

[klmno]

I had written out what my ideas were for expectations and rewards, etc, in the list of concerns, questions, etc that I'd taken to PO, super, reentry lady mtg. I'm still thinking that's appropriate. Now, the first couple of days will be different, at least based on last time's experience. At first, it's all about difficult child being able to take a long hot shower, go buy any clothes to replace those that won't fit, eat a good meal, snuggle with the dogs, hug, cry, and take a few deep breaths- both of us. Then the focus changes to getting back in school and what the schedule and routine needs to be. After that, my "expectations" and rewards are more appropriate. Hey, if it only lasts 2 days, difficult child will still know he had that chance, at least as far as I'm concerned. But who knows, I'm not sitting here unemployed on the verge of homelessness this time and difficult child doesn't have "old friends" in the neighborhood or at school and difficult child is so close to graduation now that he can see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as school. He's 18 mos older and knows chances are he'd be tried as an adult next time- at least that's what I told him. He's more aware that my efforts haven't been "anti-system" they were pro-law- both sides of it- his accountability but also his rights. And mom still loves him.

Maybe I should call the cable co and see if there's a way to password protect pay-per-view. I hate to block it altogether because one of difficult child's and my best quality times are eating a good meal then snuggling with the dogs to watch a movie together. But I sure don't want him here tomorrow night ordering porn. Maybe I can tell cable co to disallow any pay-per-view x rated movies but keep the others, with a PW protection. That would be ideal.

 

[buddy]

you are the best.

 

[AnnieO]

k, if you have AT&T U Verse, you can go into the menu, parental controls, and LOCK PPV. Requires a PIN number. I just did it for ALL channels due to a small boy's grounding...

 

[DDD]

That would be ideal as it wouldn't be a problem for you either way. I honestly don't understand how people can sit, eat popcorn and watch strangers doing the dirty. I understand doing the dirty but I sure never have wanted to watch others, lol. DDD

 

[buddy]

k, if you have AT&T U Verse, you can go into the menu, parental controls, and LOCK PPV. Requires a PIN number. I just did it for ALL channels due to a small boy's grounding...

Me too... I just lock them all and unlock the shows he wants to watch as they pop us so that I dont have to fight to re lock the channel...

all ppv is locked too, need a pin to get in to things (though there are days when things have undone that, sadly... like the cable channels change and I dont catch it in time, sigh)

 

[AnnieO]

buddy, I set ours up so ALL ratings are locked... G on up, unrated, etc. Takes care of ALL channels.

 

[klmno]

I honestly don't understand how people can sit, eat popcorn and watch strangers doing the dirty. I understand doing the dirty but I sure never have wanted to watch others,

OMG I needed that good laugh! And I agree...but I doubt it would take much for a 17yo who's...well, never done the dirty ...and has been locked up most of his teen years. So I doubt he's got the same opinion as us adult moms.

The problem with a pin that is put in at home- my son will sit here and go thru every single combination of numbers until he finds "the one". At least that's what he did in the past.
\
Oh- and at least with the cable co we had in the last jurisdiction, if he unplugged the tv and cable box then plugged it back in, it reset everything so the PW protection was no longer there. Ladies, you might want to check that. Protection works best when it's on the cable co's end, not at home.

 

[klmno]

Well, it's after 4:00. Nothing in the mail or posted to my door; no email or phone call from PO. If difficult child calls tonight I'm thinking it's a good sign. If he doesn't, I'll call facility tomorrow before driving over to verify my son is there and they will release him to me if I come to pick him up.

*adding notes here to letter to fed doj about juvenile reentry plan and funding initiative* Where did those fed $$$ go when they don't cover this gh post-d program, because it's not a reentry program, it's a diversion/sentence. Just coincidence that the people overseeing the reentry program who got this fed funding also run that GH and the GH lost local funding a year or two ago???