Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by New Leaf, Jun 30, 2019.

  1. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    OK. I will be there too. I am tenacious and relentless in these meetings. And adversarial if need be. It is almost the only situation in which I am like this. I will try very hard to mind my manners. I am right now going to look at the time difference, so that I am on time. We will be strong together. I can't wait. I will pack. Two bathing suits. (I have never been to Hawaii. I'm excited.)

    Wow. 3 hours difference. Sometimes you post early in the morning. What? Don't you sleep?

    That's 5pm my time.
  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thanks Copa, I will channel your presence. I will also channel my surfer mode, (okay a bit calmer). Waiting in the lineup, it is a territorial claim to sit in the right spot at the peak. Those who know, will not try to paddle in front of you for the wave. Those who don’t, will, that’s very obnoxious and rude, theft, really. I would skillfully zig and zag around them (picture Zoro carving his “z” with his sword), leaving the perpetrator surfers to wonder what just happened. That’s going to be me tomorrow, but in stealth mode, with a pleasant smile.
    Truth be told, I also realize that I may cry, too.
    I wake up around 3:30 am. Early to bed, early to rise. Okay another confession, my arthritis wakes me up, sometimes my bladder.
    I love the cool of the early morning with the moon and stars out.
    Thanks Copa.
  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Dear New Leaf

    You should be coming home about now. How did it go? You must be exhausted. I will look for you later and tomorrow morning.
  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Morning Copa and all, sorry to keep you in suspense. The meeting went well thoughts were shared and a plan was set. Dad did show up looking a bit rough around the edges. The situation was explained and the reality that drugs are an issue talked about. If he wants to have custody of the kids he has to take steps within 30 days to get clean. He expressed that he wasn’t ready, which is sad.
    Paternal grandma was upset and when we had a break and counselors left the room she questioned why we were here and restated that the arrangement was for the kids to be with me for the summer then return back to them. I explained that the hospital raised the red flag due to her husbands outburst. She defended him. I think that has been going on for some time.
    From the get go it was clear that the kids would stay with me for the time being, if Dad cleans up he has a chance to do right by them. If not, we go to court for guardianship.
    With that comes the task of finding therapy for the kids, dentist, doctors as well as being a referee between the brothers, and teaching my grands kinder ways to interact.
    God help us all as we try to transition to peaceable living.
    Thank you all for your kindness and support.
    We have a big canoe race today, so a bit of respite from the drama.
    Have a wonderful 4th of July.
  5. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    It sounds like it all went as well as it could have, Leafy.

    How sad for their father, but at least he showed up. Maybe possibly his blunt honesty is all he has left at this point to do what little he is able for the good of his children? Or maybe he just doesn't want the responsibility that comes with them, and the kids never entered his mind.

    I am so happy for your grandchildren, Leafy. We are all nourished by your virtual presence -- having you in real time makes them very, very fortunate. Enjoy the race and the holiday.
  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Dear New Leaf

    Have a fun, great day today. Are the kids with you at the event? Some logistical questions: Are any of your children living with you right now? Will son return home after this summer program? If it is decided your grandkids stay with you will they be in the same schools? That is, do you live close enough by to the other grandparents where they would not have to move to new scholls? How will it work out when you are working? Do they have a way to get to school?

    I have not turned into Child Protective Services. I am wanting to get the routine into my head so that I can anticipate and visual it. What a beautiful thing.

    How are the kids responding to how yesterday went?

    New leaf. Our prayers were answered.
  7. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    I agree with Albatross, it does sound like it went as well as it could. I'm glad the bio father was honest enough to admit that he's not ready to become clean and sober. Saves time and heartache there. I too am glad that the children are with you--they now have a chance to heal and to thrive. God's grace be on you and may He guide you and give you great discernment and wisdom. I will continue to follow as you post updates.
  8. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thank you Albie, you are too kind.
    I can’t imagine what is going through their father’s mind. Years of drug use have hardened both parents. Maybe he is just being realistic about his situation. It is sad, but I wonder if he is thinking for the kids, that they deserve stability and peace. It would be quite a challenge for him to clean up and take responsibility for the kids. He still has a chance to try.

    The kids did come with me, I enrolled them in paddling when they came for the summer. Hoku moved out just this week. She will be coming by to lend a hand. Son is living at school for the next five weeks. He will be coming home afterwards, but I imagine he will want to spread his wings. We shall see. The grands will have to switch schools. The eldest wants to, the younger siblings didn’t, but want to stay with me and we have discussed the pros and cons. I do not live close to the other grandparents, not by island standards. We have some intense traffic that is a factor. It’s about a 40 minute drive without traffic. So, it would not be feasible.

    lol, Copa. The grands schools will be right down the road and on my way to work.

    Yes, our prayers were answered. The kids are relieved but still shell shocked. They are anxious about changing schools yet again. They know they will be going to doctors, dentist and counseling. It’s a lot to fathom. They will receive a clothing voucher(a small amount for the year) and are looking forward to going shopping.

    I am glad as well. I imagine his family will try to persuade him to go to rehab, so there is a chance he might try. If that is the case, I hope he would make a real effort and that the state would give it time before placing the kids under his care. That would be tough on them, the challenges of recovery.
    Thank you for your well wishes and prayers, Beta, Albie, Copa and anyone else following along. I shall be quite busy the next few days rearranging the house and making appointments. I will update when I can.