What’s Your Experience With Sober Living?

[Miracle]

Our just turned 20 year old son has been in a residential mental health/drug treatment facility for 1 week. He had been in a state of untreated psychosis for several months. He called for the first time tonight and sounded pretty good. He likes the place and said they think his psychosis was drug induced (weed, lsd, ecstasy) and will start weaning him off the medication.

The residential program is 40-60 days, and he mentioned staying in that state to do sober living after that. He said it’s cheap, they help him find a job, and he could save money, stay clean, and keep doing groups/therapy.

I think it would be great for him to have a fresh start in a supportive, drug free environment. My concern is that he is young, grew up sheltered (homeschooled), and is not very street smart. He had a lot of difficulty navigating Freshman year at college, and I think that led to some of his substance abuse/mental health issues.

Anyone have thoughts about or experiences with sober living?

 

[Copabanana]

My son was in sober living twice. He is older than is your son. I think he was in sober living first when he was about 28 and then again at 31 or so.

I was greatly impressed with the administration and supervision of the home. I was also very impressed with the available program, for addiction, spirituality, volunteer work, and also re-entry opportunities for training, support for independent living, job-finding, etc. Alas, my son did not take advantage of all of this, but he could have.

There were several men there who had had long-term drug problems. One was the house manager. The other was in college and planned to go to graduate school. They acted as mentors to the younger men. It was heartwarming.

If your son wants to do this, I think it sounds great. There will be way more support and supervision than in college, where, in my experience, there is next to none. It sounds like your son feels safe where he is. If this program is anything like where my son is, there may be the possibility of assistance to find an apartment, after a period of time. The program I know of actually visits the people on a long-term basis to monitor them. They help them with rent subsidies. This program was very supportive of going to college. Maybe this program (or one like it) could be a way your son can return to college.

I think our children need to find a place and a way to live independently from us. And I think part of the challenge for us is to let them. (Over-dependence is just as harmful, I believe, as the reverse. I think we need to work hard to not shelter them too much.) I think it's a very good indicator that your son wants to make this work.

 

[ksm]

I would give serious thought about the down side of returning home after a couple months of treatment. For us, "home" was where their old friends, who were still using, were. It can be a trigger to b e in places where they used before and around people they used with.

Plus, he is 20, he can choose...some tines good, some times not so good... but we really have no control over their choices. It sounds like there is a good after treatment program and he feels comfortable with the staff.

Be very happy about the steps he has taken so far. But, if he has a relapse ficus on getting back on track and working his program. Ksm

 

[RN0441]

Welcome

My son went to many sober living locations while in Florida (see part of my story below). Most of them were very good. I think it is what THEY want to get out of it that makes the difference. I worked closely with the house managers of most and I truly had a great love and admiration for the men that ran them. They were all former addicts so they "got it". One told me that my son was very smart and he felt he would be okay eventually. I didn't believe it.

If it's a reputable place, the tools are there for them to stay on track.

My son was very young like your son. My son was too young, immature, and drug brained to really get what they were selling. He did not improve until he attended a 13 month Christian based program in Memphis. PM me if you want more information. Now my son will finish up college this December with an associates degree in Computer Networking and will be CISCO certified.

It has not always been smooth with him here. We have had to redirect him many times but at least he's on board with being redirected. Before he was not.

We are originally from the Chicago area but moved to the Gulf Coast of Alabama for my job while he was in the final program so he was able to start fresh here. We are moving back to the Chicagoland area when I retire in 5 years but I feel confident that our son has moved on from his bad behaviors and he is now 25 so his life is his choice.

We had to go through a lot of hell before things got better. I would not wish this on anyone and I truly hope your son takes this chance to turn his life around.

Keep us posted.

 

[overcome mom]

My son was in one sober living house that was associated with the rehab program he went through. It was a very good program and I felt he was safe there and could have been on the right track if that is what he had chosen. He also was in another sober living house that was terrible. No formal programs just suggestions on local programs that he could attend. According to him lots of drugs. He also got numerous things stolen while he was there. It was called Freedom House. I would just make sure you/he really checks out the place before he commits. I would bet the treatment program he is in will have a good idea what home will be a good fit for him.

 

[Csmom]

My son went to a sober living house in Georgia. He was arrested in Georgia and was able to get a OR Bond to go to this place. We refused to bail him out so this was his way of getting bonded out. I thought it was a great place for guys trying to get back on their feet. This place requires them to work or volunteer. No laying around all day. They pay a weekly rent and have to contribute to the house. They had daily meetings at the house and could go to any other meetings of their choice. My son was there for about 3 months. He got a job in the community at a restaurant waiting tables. They guys at the house helped each other out to get to work and back. My son was making more money than he has ever made. Unfortunately, he got tired of being sober and starting smoking synthetic marijuana. He left the place for about a week and confessed to the guy running the sober living place that he had messed up and wanted to go back to the sober living place. They welcomed him back and he lasted about another couple of weeks and left again. There are some great sober living facilities out there that are affordable and require the person to work and pay for their rent. I would recommend this place to any guy wanting to put the work in. Unfortunately my son didn’t want to stay sober. Hopefully one day he will want to make better choices.

 

[RN0441]

Agree. At the time I was so very happy that places like this exist.

I mean what is a mother to do? Our homes are not rehabs. We are not trained in how to help someone stay sober or convince them to stay sober.

They don't want to hear it from their mothers anyway, I don't care how close your relationship was, this is not something that works. At least it did not for my family. They think we are old and don't know anything!

Finding a good one is key and most of the ones my son was in were good and I did not feel that they were out to exploit the boys.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Miracle]

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I’m glad to hear that many of these places are on the up & up. I do think it would help my son to have structure and support and get away from old friends.

I just hate it that he has made things so hard for himself. He has a loving, supportive family. None of this makes any sense! Hopefully, my other kids will learn from this. It just doesn’t have to be this hard!

 

[startingfresh]

Hello everyone! I wondered if someone can suggest how to find a good sober living? My son is in out of state in rehab and decided that he would like to stay there. He is working with the rehab on places but I would like to also see what I can find out. Thank you!

 

[RN0441]

I think that it's best to stay connected to the rehab they are in and use their sober living arrangements for continuity - unless you don't like their program.

We went through MANY of both!

 

[startingfresh]

Thank you RN. We are in a strange spot as son was supposed to go for 30 days. He was diagnosed with covid 3 weeks in and is now quarantined in the rehab. Thank God he has been fine so far with just a stuffy nose. He is staying put but I imagine once he is covid free, he will have to transition to step down. Since he is an adult now I am not involved in all the details. I figure they will plan more once he is cleared. I hate not knowing and being able to be help with planning. Son is owning all of this as he chose to get help so I know I need to chill.

 

[Miracle]

It is hard when they are over 18, and you don’t get a lot of info or input.

 

[RN0441]

Oh I remember you now!

I am glad they kept him in rehab. Did he move onto harder drugs then? Your signature said he was not smoking MJ any longer and working almost full time. Is he still 18?

My son was a mess 15-21 or so.

 

[startingfresh]

So my son is now 21 and each year further from 15 has been better and better. Unfortunately, it has not been all smooth sailing. He moved out and has held a good job for 18 months now. He was doing well until he was pretty isolated due to the pandemic. His work became telework which was not good for him. Although he did stop smoking "mj" he started drinking when he turned 21. Well, probably he was drinking before but in the last several months started drinking heavily and was very down. He actually reached out and asked if he could get help as he said he couldn't see living like the way he was forever. I scrambled and offered him some options and he picked this place across the country which focuses on both mental health and substance abuse. Thankfully, insurance is covering most of it. I am actually looking at this as extremely positive and just one more step forward for him . I hate that he is having to quarantine right now but just very very thankful that he is ok. Thanks for asking RN!

 

[startingfresh]

Miracle, I learned more about sober living in the past few days. I am new to it too. My son tells me that they are helping him pick a place that would be a good fit. I have been researching online and finding places in his area so when they finally let me in on their plans, I will likely have an idea of what it might be and questions to ask. It is so scary to think of him finding his way in a new area but I feel so much better thinking of the support that he would have in a good sober living. Although he did live on his own, he really needed more support which I think a good sober living provides. I noticed also that some have hired staff and some don't. I also like the ones that require you to be working or in school. Some cook for you , some don't. It just really depends as does the price. My goal is to get him into a good sober living (which he said he wanted) and get him in a daily therapy of some sort (which he doesn't want). I have found with him being an adult, the only role I am allowed is to gather info and present it to him without a whole lot of letting him know my opinion, LOL. I hope your son is doing ok.

 

[RN0441]

Starting Fresh

The first one my son was in when we moved him to Florida was really great. They were a program that took them after rehab which he had done in Illinois (for the upteenth time). They took him into a step down program with still intense therapy and then moved to one house which was real strict with chores etc. Then after about six weeks they graduated to/moved to another house, had to work and cook and buy their own food. It was so great for him to be more responsible and independent.

It wasn't the end all for him because of HIM but the manager there was just a great guy and a former addict and he was so good when I would call to check on him. Never made me feel like I was a bother when I know at times I was! I knew he wasn't going to get what he needed because he wasn't putting as much in after a while.

These guys take longer to mature than other men and other men take too long in my opinion!! My son also had some drinking issues after coming home after the Christian program. Drinking too much at times but he has gotten much much better as time has gone on.

I told him he has to realize he has an addictive personality and has no "dimmer" switch. Self awareness is key for all of us isn't it? He's not perfect. I'm not perfect either.

My son didn't think he had a problem at the time. Duh look around. Glad your son does. That is the very first, very important step!!

He has no friends here really but he wants to move back to Chicago after he graduates in December. We will end up back there as well when I retire in five years. He pretty much works, goes to school and stays home. He has some girls as friends he texts with but had a bad relationship experience here and isn't into that at all right now. He doesn't drink or drive or anything which is a blessing but I worry he gets lonely with just us.

But I put him in God's hands and have to know he will take care of his future. I.just.cant.anymore.

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

Our just turned 20 year old son has been in a residential mental health/drug treatment facility for 1 week. He had been in a state of untreated psychosis for several months. He called for the first time tonight and sounded pretty good. He likes the place and said they think his psychosis was drug induced (weed, lsd, ecstasy) and will start weaning him off the medication.

The residential program is 40-60 days, and he mentioned staying in that state to do sober living after that. He said it’s cheap, they help him find a job, and he could save money, stay clean, and keep doing groups/therapy.

I think it would be great for him to have a fresh start in a supportive, drug free environment. My concern is that he is young, grew up sheltered (homeschooled), and is not very street smart. He had a lot of difficulty navigating Freshman year at college, and I think that led to some of his substance abuse/mental health issues.

Anyone have thoughts about or experiences with sober living?

When our oldest son was 19 he found himself in significant legal trouble. It's a very long story, but the upshot is, we sent him to a thirty day rehab and he was placed in sober living thereafter. The benefits of sober living are exactly as you describe - the residents are expected to find a job, earn a salary (part of which is turned over to the sober living house for rent) and eventually work their way up to independent living. 12 step meetings are also mandatory. Unfortunately, our son has other issues which made it impossible for him to remain there for very long. He ended up moving in with us and all things considered, it was a pretty successful experiment. He was with us for just about one year. He is now living with friends in an apartment and working part time. He is starting to slip up and get into additional legal trouble. I am detaching with love.

Hope this helps. If your child is willing to accept and live by the rules, it could be a life-changing experience for him.

 

[startingfresh]

Does the rehab typically find placement for them in sober living?

 

[Miracle]

I think my son’s rehab is supposed to find help him find a sober living placement. I would love to go tour places and interview the staff, etc., lol, but he’s in another state, and since he’s an adult I guess I need to let go.

I hope my son is okay. He did not call Thurs, which is when he has phone privileges. The last time we talked, I asked him if he understood how his choices led to his current circumstances. I thought it was a valid question, but I guess he didn’t want to hear it. Haha!

Please let us know when your son finds a place and what kind of services/support they provide. Hopefully, this will be a positive step for both our sons.