Marguerite
Active Member
difficult child 3 has a very good imagination, he has actually amazed his English teachers with his creative writing. I think he does so well with it because most kids his age are more inhibited socially when it comes to self-expression.
The coping skill ting with gaming - yes, part of it could be (in some cases) an escape from a challenging reality, but I think a lot more than we realise, it is also an opportunity to learn and practice social skills (interacting with game characters or other players) in a more controlled environment. I've noticed over the years that both the boys have worked really hard at times, trying to study animal behaviour or human behaviour. A fairly new thing for difficult child 3 - he is noting expressions (in his games or in bits he sees on TV) and asking for information on what it means, or where the expression came from. For example a few days ago we were watching Stephen Fry on TV and he used the word "inasmuch". difficult child 3 wanted to know what it meant. Yesterday difficult child 3 asked us, "What would a cowboy mean if he said, 'If the boot fits...'?"
Some of the new expressions come from games (especially those with wittier programming in the dialogue) and it is interesting to almost be able to see the cogs in his mind working. It tells me that a lot of what is happening with his gaming, is some sort of self-directed learning. Not always appropriate, but in some way he seems to be driving himself to use this pathway towards learning social skills. Because what else is there that works for him? Whatever society can provide is much more anarchic (because reality IS anarchic!).
difficult child 3 is also increasingly plugged into a site called furaffinity, which his technology teacher at school was concerned about. The site does have some inappropriate content, plus it seems to attract those with a serious fetish for some very odd things. However, difficult child 3 seems to be attracted more to the other people on the site - they are odd, so therefore they are already on his team in his eyes. He's too old to attract a pedophile (plus we're too isolated). He uses an alias on FA as well as on FB and with any online gaming. He's embraced his alias as an avatar and to a large extent, an identity. A sort of animal super-hero in the same way his older brother identifies with Australia's largest eagle, the wedge-tail.
Our kids are different, and we try to push them towards a normality they often cannot handle. We need to get them to embrace normality, but we will only succeed if we lead them to it at a pace they CAN handle. And gaming seems to provide a pressure relief valve for them. However, we do need to find ways to break the hold of gaming at times when we need our kids to engage in reality.
Teaching our kids to self-monitor and self-balance is better than always nagging. We need the kids to develop their own inner voice that says, "Time to stop for a while." As they get older and need to earn a living, that can provide some of that impetus.
Marg
The coping skill ting with gaming - yes, part of it could be (in some cases) an escape from a challenging reality, but I think a lot more than we realise, it is also an opportunity to learn and practice social skills (interacting with game characters or other players) in a more controlled environment. I've noticed over the years that both the boys have worked really hard at times, trying to study animal behaviour or human behaviour. A fairly new thing for difficult child 3 - he is noting expressions (in his games or in bits he sees on TV) and asking for information on what it means, or where the expression came from. For example a few days ago we were watching Stephen Fry on TV and he used the word "inasmuch". difficult child 3 wanted to know what it meant. Yesterday difficult child 3 asked us, "What would a cowboy mean if he said, 'If the boot fits...'?"
Some of the new expressions come from games (especially those with wittier programming in the dialogue) and it is interesting to almost be able to see the cogs in his mind working. It tells me that a lot of what is happening with his gaming, is some sort of self-directed learning. Not always appropriate, but in some way he seems to be driving himself to use this pathway towards learning social skills. Because what else is there that works for him? Whatever society can provide is much more anarchic (because reality IS anarchic!).
difficult child 3 is also increasingly plugged into a site called furaffinity, which his technology teacher at school was concerned about. The site does have some inappropriate content, plus it seems to attract those with a serious fetish for some very odd things. However, difficult child 3 seems to be attracted more to the other people on the site - they are odd, so therefore they are already on his team in his eyes. He's too old to attract a pedophile (plus we're too isolated). He uses an alias on FA as well as on FB and with any online gaming. He's embraced his alias as an avatar and to a large extent, an identity. A sort of animal super-hero in the same way his older brother identifies with Australia's largest eagle, the wedge-tail.
Our kids are different, and we try to push them towards a normality they often cannot handle. We need to get them to embrace normality, but we will only succeed if we lead them to it at a pace they CAN handle. And gaming seems to provide a pressure relief valve for them. However, we do need to find ways to break the hold of gaming at times when we need our kids to engage in reality.
Teaching our kids to self-monitor and self-balance is better than always nagging. We need the kids to develop their own inner voice that says, "Time to stop for a while." As they get older and need to earn a living, that can provide some of that impetus.
Marg
