So, S is still missing...three weeks now with no communication. Phone off (or lost/deactivated - it was a burner). The last text I got from her was telling me she is sorry but she's "just not ready to get clean right now." We had that moment of clarity, when she started her Medicaid application process and made some calls about rehab/sober living programs. She seemed to want it so badly for about a minute and a half there. Then, she just changed her mind. Never sent in the final information Medicaid needed to get her signed up. Didn't go in for the intake appointment at the rehab program. She actually ended up in NYC with a "friend" for a bit, and then got stranded there when they fought. She was missing there for a few days, then I got a text that she was back in our state and would see me soon. Then the "just not ready" text. Then nothing. I don't know if she's living with the coke dealer again, or on the streets, or...if something happened. I did break down and do the jail/hospital/morgue/police blotter search for any sign of her. Nothing. I don't know if she left the state again, or who she was with, or even where to begin searching for her. C hasn't heard anything from her either, and they know a lot of the same people. She's just...vanished. I filed a missing person report last week. But I know no one is really looking. She's just one more missing addict in a city full of addicts. And I don't know how to deal here. She's so tiny, so vulnerable, so fragile. I'm trying to keep on moving, keep up with daily life and focus on what's in front of me. But my heart hurts. Everywhere I go, everything I do, her face is right there in front of me. It's been hard to come here and even write this down, because I don't want it to be real. And I don't know what to do with myself while I wait for some kind of answer.