Childofmine
one day at a time
Here is the letter I received from difficult child today:
Hey, how's it going? This is some crap for me and I can't believe this is happening....But I was so damn hungry I had to eat something. What i don't get is how I can get charged when I was in the store the whole time. And all this has to happen right when I start a job Monday. I hope I can get bonded out so I can fight it plus the fact that I never left the store should help. Also I want to talk to my probation officer because a lot of times they won't violate you on misdemeanors and especially if he heard what happened. But I'm sick to my stomach and I really was going good, no drugs, nothing...I was just hungry, that's it. I've been telling ya'll it's hard to get straight out of jail with nothing because sometimes you go to do what you got to do to eat...But call my PO Tuesday (officer ___) and keep calling till you talk to him not just a message and tell him the whole story not just I got a charge ok? and please don't forget to get my money and go to the 2nd floor clerk office and pay $40 you'll be talking to Mrs. Becker someone you know because I can't lose my license on top of all of this too, then I would be more screwed than I already am. And if you would you could bail me out it's only $200 and I have a fighting chance on the street but in jail I'm going to have to take this theft charge most likely on the street I could beat it AND get my PO not to violate me. But I know you probably won't, but if out of all the times to do it, this would be the one because prison is on the line...I just feel so stupid getting in trouble for food...but I was hungry. I'm still going to try to get someone to get me out but people say they will and it never comes through but I can always hope. If you don't get me out just talk to my PO for me and tell him the story and see what happens and don't forget my license please. Thanks.
Love you and I'm sorry,
difficult child
This whole episode has shaken my good foundation. I am spending most of every day moving forward well but I am having some shaky times too. I am doing the black and white thinking myself---it's always going to be this way, nothing ever changes. I KNOW how empty that kind of thinking is, but I find my mind still going there.
This seems like such a setback but it is what I thought would happen so why do I feel so full of despair.
I am not going to call his PO. He asked me to do it on Thursday and in the heat of the moment I said I would but I am going to write him and say I am not. I have nothing to say to that man. He already has the arrest report I am sure with the details of what he stole. It wasn't just food and everybody can see that clearly. And even if it was, stealing is still wrong and he was told no more chances.
I need to trust that this is his journey. I am going to redouble my efforts with all of the things I know will help get my mind right again.
This is the truth right here straight out, Echo. I am going to write that in my postcard to him.
I am so tired of these rounds. I can actually see now how people cut off all contact. I am just so weary of this. But if I did that, I would be worried sick about him. There is no good answer here, for me.
Except let time take its time. I know that tomorrow will be better and the next day even better. I have to regain myself.
Thank you ALL for posting to me about this. It helps so much to read your words. It makes me cry with knowing that you care and YOU GET IT. More later. Thank you peeps!
Hey, how's it going? This is some crap for me and I can't believe this is happening....But I was so damn hungry I had to eat something. What i don't get is how I can get charged when I was in the store the whole time. And all this has to happen right when I start a job Monday. I hope I can get bonded out so I can fight it plus the fact that I never left the store should help. Also I want to talk to my probation officer because a lot of times they won't violate you on misdemeanors and especially if he heard what happened. But I'm sick to my stomach and I really was going good, no drugs, nothing...I was just hungry, that's it. I've been telling ya'll it's hard to get straight out of jail with nothing because sometimes you go to do what you got to do to eat...But call my PO Tuesday (officer ___) and keep calling till you talk to him not just a message and tell him the whole story not just I got a charge ok? and please don't forget to get my money and go to the 2nd floor clerk office and pay $40 you'll be talking to Mrs. Becker someone you know because I can't lose my license on top of all of this too, then I would be more screwed than I already am. And if you would you could bail me out it's only $200 and I have a fighting chance on the street but in jail I'm going to have to take this theft charge most likely on the street I could beat it AND get my PO not to violate me. But I know you probably won't, but if out of all the times to do it, this would be the one because prison is on the line...I just feel so stupid getting in trouble for food...but I was hungry. I'm still going to try to get someone to get me out but people say they will and it never comes through but I can always hope. If you don't get me out just talk to my PO for me and tell him the story and see what happens and don't forget my license please. Thanks.
Love you and I'm sorry,
difficult child
This whole episode has shaken my good foundation. I am spending most of every day moving forward well but I am having some shaky times too. I am doing the black and white thinking myself---it's always going to be this way, nothing ever changes. I KNOW how empty that kind of thinking is, but I find my mind still going there.
This seems like such a setback but it is what I thought would happen so why do I feel so full of despair.
I am not going to call his PO. He asked me to do it on Thursday and in the heat of the moment I said I would but I am going to write him and say I am not. I have nothing to say to that man. He already has the arrest report I am sure with the details of what he stole. It wasn't just food and everybody can see that clearly. And even if it was, stealing is still wrong and he was told no more chances.
I need to trust that this is his journey. I am going to redouble my efforts with all of the things I know will help get my mind right again.
You gave him the opportunity to choose, and he chose. He is in control of his own life.
This is the truth right here straight out, Echo. I am going to write that in my postcard to him.
Life is long, Child. It may take him another 10 rounds, who knows. He may like it this way, who knows.
I am so tired of these rounds. I can actually see now how people cut off all contact. I am just so weary of this. But if I did that, I would be worried sick about him. There is no good answer here, for me.
Except let time take its time. I know that tomorrow will be better and the next day even better. I have to regain myself.
Thank you ALL for posting to me about this. It helps so much to read your words. It makes me cry with knowing that you care and YOU GET IT. More later. Thank you peeps!